Hellooo it’s been forever and if anyone’s still here- hope you’re doing well and are happy & healthy!

Main updates in the past 2 months (if anyone still checks here and dun already know...)—

1. Am alive.

Fell sick with fever for about a week and saw our GP twice before going to A&E cos the fever couldn’t come down (I think?). After isolation and covid swabs and everything else in between, I was diagnosed with viral encephalitis and hospitalized for 2 weeks, of which 95% I cannot remember (4% is from fam’s recounts and 1% from pics taken during that time). Basically, a virus attacked my brain and the docs only managed to confirm after MRI, ECG, lumbar puncture and other tests that I dun wish to know of or recall. Quite thankful that I was too sick to rmb/ realize things that were happening cos I wouldn’t have survived them mentally. But key point is homie’s alive and mostly well now, except for some STML and random stomach to brain shockwaves/ nausea to headache feelings— I wouldn’t confirm what they are until I can hear from Drs directly during review. I’ve also forgotten what my doctors/ nurses looked like except that my Dr is called sweaty doctor cos he sweated like mad while trying to find a usable vein to insert a line into cos the rest were alr used. (And thankfully because they ran out of veins to poke and my mom is some PR queen, I was able to get early discharge before the full antibiotic treatment was completed, without having to get a new line inserted via my toes or feet). Have been home since 8 Dec and will be back to work next Mon (25 Jan) if all goes well during review this Wed! 

2. MIPs.

Throughout this whole crazy unexpected stupid virus episode (let me re-emphasize that it’s NOT covid), I came to learn of the people who have been here and who really care. I think I say that previous sentence too much/ very often but it’s always during my lowest points that I realize the ones who’ve stuck through and care if I’m alive. To be fair, I dun think I texted anyone about being hospitalized except nurse Chan (looking at my WA convo history) because at a&e or during isolation they treated me from hyper to hypo or hypo to hyper or sth liddat and fam was not w me so I had to beg her to save me from getting killed bahaha. She was super nice as usual though- rushed down after her clinic to see me and endo team was looped in afterwards I think then idk the rest of the story. (Also after discharge I bugged her bout hypos and she replied me at weird hours telling me to avoid hypos cos more brain damage, and when last week I SOSed her for super high sugars she reviewed and replied me at 11.53pm :”) best nurse everrrrr forever grateful and think I really love her). 

The point I wanted to make was to not feel bad if you happen to be reading this/ are still here and didn’t know what happened. The few people who found out were mostly/ all contacted by mom— she either stored their numbers from before or unlocked my phone (horrors) to find their contacts. And I’m super grateful for these people who visited and have been here throughout, especially through post-discharge recovery with over-emotional/ sometimes unemotional me. They know who they are- wouldnt be alive and still be here now happily and courageously blogging so honestly without them. More importantly, my family who have literally been pillars of support 24/7. Most thankful for them.

3. Recovery.

Am feeling much much better this week :) Was initially getting vivid dreams (not really nightmares) at night about the randomest of things (like rats in my mouth and dad pulling them out one by one by tail; coffin entering cremation doors but not knowing who it is), getting really bad vibes during the day and more at night when no one’s around me (am still sleeping w night lamp on) and generally feeling really low/ brain-blocked cos of the meds I was on. Stopped taking them on my own for a few days (hahaha i be my own doktor) but felt the shockwaves / random nausea in the pit and headache feelings come back so I started taking again once at night now instead of twice a day.

The low feelings have still been here- not sure if it’s the meds or the depression from this shitshow and my life coming to a standstill, or how the weather has been crazy and the world and recent events have felt even crazier now than before (like the world is literally endingggg). But am noting down every occurrence of em shock feelings so hopefully I can get answers on Wed. Was really angry one day (still a lil frustrated) and exploded cos— I have absolutely No idea how the virus came about, what virus it is, when I will make a full recovery, whether my memory will come back, when the memory loss will end and more. But someone told me recently that sometimes things just happen for No reason and there’s no point in asking or knowing the Whys. And i thought of how some people get dealt with even worse cards (like getting cancers then relapsing over and over again) but they don’t get any explanations either. That helped wake me up and pull me out of my self-pity party a bit. But still been spending a lot of time in bed just lying down/ sleeping but not really, scrolling through phone but not replying anyone and thinking bout life but doing nothing bout it. 

4. Last week of “holiday”.

I guess on a very very positive and annoying/ 欠扁 note, I’ve had the luxury of 2+ months of paid holidays [which are ending this week :”( ]. Felt v useless and abit bored when I was in the midst of it but am now super afraid to return to work and not sure if I can cope and all. (No one at work actl knows what happened except for fever and being sick for long so pls let this stay within this space). But am still hoping that everything will be cleared during review and i can return to a (hopefully) more normal life instead of wasting it away.

5. God’s sovereignty through it all. 

This episode honestly weakened my faith (maybe still weakening a lil now) cos of all the Whys and ?!?! that I’ve felt, but have experienced a lot a lot of grace from fam and MIPs who’ve been suuper understanding, patient and practically angels. Feel like God is still here and still speaking during this time even when I haven’t been able to. So I’ll continue to hold on for now and see where He leads me to. 

6. Dodgyyy

Am real lazy to type and update long chunks here so if you’re still here feel free to follow my dodgy at @alexthealien. A lot of daily nonsense but would welcome you there hahaha

Okay it’s 2.45am my eyes are closing although I’ve slept a lot and gone for an expensive facial with bro (worth it for siblings bonding?). Goodnight, thanks for reading and thanks for being here. I mean it. xo.

Hellooo it’s been forever and if anyone’s still here- hope you’re doing well and are happy & healthy!

Main updates in the past 2 months (if anyone still checks here and dun already know...)—

1. Am alive.

Fell sick with fever for about a week and saw our GP twice before going to A&E cos the fever couldn’t come down (I think?). After isolation and covid swabs and everything else in between, I was diagnosed with viral encephalitis and hospitalized for 2 weeks, of which 95% I cannot remember (4% is from fam’s recounts and 1% from pics taken during that time). Basically, a virus attacked my brain and the docs only managed to confirm after MRI, ECG, lumbar puncture and other tests that I dun wish to know of or recall. Quite thankful that I was too sick to rmb/ realize things that were happening cos I wouldn’t have survived them mentally. But key point is homie’s alive and mostly well now, except for some STML and random stomach to brain shockwaves/ nausea to headache feelings— I wouldn’t confirm what they are until I can hear from Drs directly during review. I’ve also forgotten what my doctors/ nurses looked like except that my Dr is called sweaty doctor cos he sweated like mad while trying to find a usable vein to insert a line into cos the rest were alr used. (And thankfully because they ran out of veins to poke and my mom is some PR queen, I was able to get early discharge before the full antibiotic treatment was completed, without having to get a new line inserted via my toes or feet). Have been home since 8 Dec and will be back to work next Mon (25 Jan) if all goes well during review this Wed! 

2. MIPs.

Throughout this whole crazy unexpected stupid virus episode (let me re-emphasize that it’s NOT covid), I came to learn of the people who have been here and who really care. I think I say that previous sentence too much/ very often but it’s always during my lowest points that I realize the ones who’ve stuck through and care if I’m alive. To be fair, I dun think I texted anyone about being hospitalized except nurse Chan (looking at my WA convo history) because at a&e or during isolation they treated me from hyper to hypo or hypo to hyper or sth liddat and fam was not w me so I had to beg her to save me from getting killed bahaha. She was super nice as usual though- rushed down after her clinic to see me and endo team was looped in afterwards I think then idk the rest of the story. (Also after discharge I bugged her bout hypos and she replied me at weird hours telling me to avoid hypos cos more brain damage, and when last week I SOSed her for super high sugars she reviewed and replied me at 11.53pm :”) best nurse everrrrr forever grateful and think I really love her). 

The point I wanted to make was to not feel bad if you happen to be reading this/ are still here and didn’t know what happened. The few people who found out were mostly/ all contacted by mom— she either stored their numbers from before or unlocked my phone (horrors) to find their contacts. And I’m super grateful for these people who visited and have been here throughout, especially through post-discharge recovery with over-emotional/ sometimes unemotional me. They know who they are- wouldnt be alive and still be here now happily and courageously blogging so honestly without them. More importantly, my family who have literally been pillars of support 24/7. Most thankful for them.

3. Recovery.

Am feeling much much better this week :) Was initially getting vivid dreams (not really nightmares) at night about the randomest of things (like rats in my mouth and dad pulling them out one by one by tail; coffin entering cremation doors but not knowing who it is), getting really bad vibes during the day and more at night when no one’s around me (am still sleeping w night lamp on) and generally feeling really low/ brain-blocked cos of the meds I was on. Stopped taking them on my own for a few days (hahaha i be my own doktor) but felt the shockwaves / random nausea in the pit and headache feelings come back so I started taking again once at night now instead of twice a day.

The low feelings have still been here- not sure if it’s the meds or the depression from this shitshow and my life coming to a standstill, or how the weather has been crazy and the world and recent events have felt even crazier now than before (like the world is literally endingggg). But am noting down every occurrence of em shock feelings so hopefully I can get answers on Wed. Was really angry one day (still a lil frustrated) and exploded cos— I have absolutely No idea how the virus came about, what virus it is, when I will make a full recovery, whether my memory will come back, when the memory loss will end and more. But someone told me recently that sometimes things just happen for No reason and there’s no point in asking or knowing the Whys. And i thought of how some people get dealt with even worse cards (like getting cancers then relapsing over and over again) but they don’t get any explanations either. That helped wake me up and pull me out of my self-pity party a bit. But still been spending a lot of time in bed just lying down/ sleeping but not really, scrolling through phone but not replying anyone and thinking bout life but doing nothing bout it. 

4. Last week of “holiday”.

I guess on a very very positive and annoying/ 欠扁 note, I’ve had the luxury of 2+ months of paid holidays [which are ending this week :”( ]. Felt v useless and abit bored when I was in the midst of it but am now super afraid to return to work and not sure if I can cope and all. (No one at work actl knows what happened except for fever and being sick for long so pls let this stay within this space). But am still hoping that everything will be cleared during review and i can return to a (hopefully) more normal life instead of wasting it away.

5. God’s sovereignty through it all. 

This episode honestly weakened my faith (maybe still weakening a lil now) cos of all the Whys and ?!?! that I’ve felt, but have experienced a lot a lot of grace from fam and MIPs who’ve been suuper understanding, patient and practically angels. Feel like God is still here and still speaking during this time even when I haven’t been able to. So I’ll continue to hold on for now and see where He leads me to. 

6. Dodgyyy

Am real lazy to type and update long chunks here so if you’re still here feel free to follow my dodgy at @alexthealien. A lot of daily nonsense but would welcome you there hahaha

Okay it’s 2.45am my eyes are closing although I’ve slept a lot and gone for an expensive facial with bro (worth it for siblings bonding?). Goodnight, thanks for reading and thanks for being here. I mean it. xo.