18/11
Saturday, November 18, 2017 | 11/18/2017 01:12:00 AM | 0 comments
Hey to anyone who's still reading this place!It's been a super super long time since I've been here and all I can say again is that..
计划赶不上变化 and the only constant in life is.. change.
yes. I feel like I say this every single time when I start a new post. a lot has changed.
for one, a relationship ended again last month and my heart has had a hole that's trying to recover now. there've been good days and bad days but as time passes there are more good days than bad days.
for two (back to the same topic again), ever since I bought my diandong here I haven't lost weight like I did last year and I've had minimal exercise because I took on 保健课/ PE for the handicapped or sick/ Pes E according to my (new, yes) roomie. getting stressed over it although I keep telling myself not to and every meal that I eat I feel guilty and I dont like that feeling. But I know I need to start sheddng the fats and becoming healthier and all because no one likes a fat ugly girl.
for three, I started another ig account that I use now to update about more daily stuff/ those days when you have some feelings but not enough to write a blog post about. so I guess if you're someone who's still reading this now after so many years and so much shit (and my tagboard dying) then you're probably someone who cares about what I feel/think so yeah feel free to send a follow request (@thelineeeee)! (it means at-the-line HAHA ok not punny and idk what line i'm at haha sorry you should know by now how much I suck hahaha) I dont know if I'll give up on this blog yet- really hope not to because it's been here for so so long and I just really hate changes and goodbyes ahahahaha though beginning to accept/get used to them as part of life. Just that it contains so so much of my lfie and essentially is a part of me? But I really dont find that I have much time now to update this blog often anymore, especially in China, so I'll migrate to IG for now since I love posting pictures and quotes more than typing. (though this typing without thinking right now feels kinda therapeutic)
and I'll end off with an article that I read recently that I want to be like/ hope I'm on my way to becoming:
I Am Not The Same Girl Who Used To Let People Take Advantage Of Her
by Holly Riordan
I am not the same girl who used to do everything for people who failed to put in effort themselves. The girl who used to get excited when someone gave her the smallest amount of affection, because she took whatever she could get.
I am not the same girl I was when I was younger. She was innocent. Naive. Overly trusting. She saw the best in people, because she didn’t know what they were capable of doing yet. She didn’t understand how hard a heart could break.
But now, I am more experienced. I have been hurt before. I have been lied to, led on, and betrayed. I can no longer call myself an optimist, because I have seen the darkest parts of people I once trusted.
I should be bitter about all of the shit I’ve been through, but honestly, I consider it a good thing. My worst days have helped shaped me into someone different. Someone strong.
I am not a pushover anymore. I am not going to allow anyone to treat me as a backup plan. I am not going to allow anyone to string me along without making a commitment. I am not going to lower my standards because I happen to have feelings for someone who clearly doesn’t feel the same way.
I am not going to give out third and fourth chances anymore. I am not going to answer someone’s text if it took them three days to respond to mine. I am not going to rearrange my schedule to see someone if they keep canceling and rescheduling. I am not going to use all of my energy to make someone else happy while neglecting my own happiness.
I am not going to let other people take advantage of me anymore. I am not going to help out a friend if my schedule is packed and the extra activity would push me over the edge. I am not going to kiss someone if I don’t feel a spark, just because they bought me a drink at the bar. I am not going to feel like I am obligated to do something for someone else when I have a choice.
I am not the same girl who used to keep quiet, who used to go with the flow, who used to let people take advantage of her kindness. I am not the same girl who used to think so little of herself and so highly of everyone else.
Some people might say that I am not as nice anymore. Some people might have liked me better before, because back then, I let them get away with murder. I let them walk all over me.
But I am happy with who I am now, because I have finally realized my worth. I have finally raised my standards to where they should have been all along. I have finally decided that I deserve more than what some people are willing to give me — and that it is okay to walk away when I’m not getting enough.
