it's just pretty hard to vocalise all of these, and i guess why most of us feel something for this or about this, is because we go through pretty much the same lives, and can imagine being in pretty much the same conditions with similar amounts of stress.
would that happen to me someday? i sincerely pray not.

and then i have many friends here who are from the country where the primary cause of death is non-natural.
according to them, there are really some genes in their blood that makes them more depressed or sth and that statistical thought scares me
i hope these genes can be fought against.
and much as i truly understand and respect that people do have the right or choice to end their lives if they want to,
i hope more people realize that they are deeply loved by someone in the world- parents, friends, siblings, God.
i hope that they know that while life can admittedly get pretty darn hard sometimes, there is still more to life than what they see right now, and all the suffering now will pay off in future, when they grow stronger from what didn't kill them now
i hope that while some people might not believe in God or Jesus, they will know that there is the existence of a God who loves us more than we can imagine, and wants the best for us
i hope that this choice really relieves this person of all the pain he must have felt to lead him to this
and i hope that the people left behind have the courage to move on after this.

today i realized that there is so much more to do in this world.
when i feel like i have done enough for others, i have loved enough and cared for enough people,
when at times now i feel like shrinking back from some things i feel i don't necessarily have to do,
there is much more to do, and many more people to reach out to (although i might not be the best at loving others right from the start.)
there isnt time for hate, and for people who are going to keep hurting others
i hope i have the courage to step out into this world more even though i might be and have been hurt, and trust that God will protect me as i share more of myself to help others.
That being said,
I still don't know if I am being too selfish when I choose to stand up for myself
for eg, if i have something that no one else has, and many people rely on it or borrow it when they need it instead of just buy one themselves, and it is a perishable/gets depleted each time, and i feel sick and used after a while because my favours become their habits
if i say no, is that considered selfish?
or, if i have something that i dont mind sharing cos its cheap and stuff, but after a while i am running out/don't have enough for myself to use, but i know that other people might need it, if i keep it and stop lending, is it selfish?
(btw this is not only like 1 item but quite a few things..)
i hope He will teach me that too so that I can draw lines.

In other personal news,
after loads of fighting against the world and within ourselves,
Helen is leaving our family for good, something that eventually was beyond our decision call and abilities.
I can only trust that this is God's plan because He has something better for her, or maybe he wants to teach us to be more independent, or whatever it is that I will realize in future.
But for now, I will try hard to accept and live with this, and i know that i will miss her more than i can say.

i pray that God will give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

i pray that He will give me the courage to change the things i can, to do more for this world,
and i pray that He will grant me wisdom to know the difference.

When the rain falls down

When it all turns around

When the lights go out

This isn't the end 

it's just pretty hard to vocalise all of these, and i guess why most of us feel something for this or about this, is because we go through pretty much the same lives, and can imagine being in pretty much the same conditions with similar amounts of stress.
would that happen to me someday? i sincerely pray not.

and then i have many friends here who are from the country where the primary cause of death is non-natural.
according to them, there are really some genes in their blood that makes them more depressed or sth and that statistical thought scares me
i hope these genes can be fought against.
and much as i truly understand and respect that people do have the right or choice to end their lives if they want to,
i hope more people realize that they are deeply loved by someone in the world- parents, friends, siblings, God.
i hope that they know that while life can admittedly get pretty darn hard sometimes, there is still more to life than what they see right now, and all the suffering now will pay off in future, when they grow stronger from what didn't kill them now
i hope that while some people might not believe in God or Jesus, they will know that there is the existence of a God who loves us more than we can imagine, and wants the best for us
i hope that this choice really relieves this person of all the pain he must have felt to lead him to this
and i hope that the people left behind have the courage to move on after this.

today i realized that there is so much more to do in this world.
when i feel like i have done enough for others, i have loved enough and cared for enough people,
when at times now i feel like shrinking back from some things i feel i don't necessarily have to do,
there is much more to do, and many more people to reach out to (although i might not be the best at loving others right from the start.)
there isnt time for hate, and for people who are going to keep hurting others
i hope i have the courage to step out into this world more even though i might be and have been hurt, and trust that God will protect me as i share more of myself to help others.
That being said,
I still don't know if I am being too selfish when I choose to stand up for myself
for eg, if i have something that no one else has, and many people rely on it or borrow it when they need it instead of just buy one themselves, and it is a perishable/gets depleted each time, and i feel sick and used after a while because my favours become their habits
if i say no, is that considered selfish?
or, if i have something that i dont mind sharing cos its cheap and stuff, but after a while i am running out/don't have enough for myself to use, but i know that other people might need it, if i keep it and stop lending, is it selfish?
(btw this is not only like 1 item but quite a few things..)
i hope He will teach me that too so that I can draw lines.

In other personal news,
after loads of fighting against the world and within ourselves,
Helen is leaving our family for good, something that eventually was beyond our decision call and abilities.
I can only trust that this is God's plan because He has something better for her, or maybe he wants to teach us to be more independent, or whatever it is that I will realize in future.
But for now, I will try hard to accept and live with this, and i know that i will miss her more than i can say.

i pray that God will give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

i pray that He will give me the courage to change the things i can, to do more for this world,
and i pray that He will grant me wisdom to know the difference.

When the rain falls down

When it all turns around

When the lights go out

This isn't the end