The first, that trying and being yourself is the most important.

The second, that the world (or my elitist world) ((or just my school)) is only going to select people who they (based on their criteria) think will make it and groom just those, leaving the rest to fend for themselves/fall through the gaps/ die (it's okay) ((but how do ppl even get the right to decide who is good enough when they're not God??)). And also some xxxxx youths are extra exclusive and only want to be with the people who laugh the loudest and show off the most parts of their bodies. (I don't understand how they can prefer such people over the little group of (much more authentic) friends I have when we're all equally mature but ok to each their own maybe one day they'll realize it's more important to know people with substance than looks??)   

This week I also learnt that true friends honor their words. I learnt that true friendships make you a better person. I learnt what true friends do not do- they do not constantly tear you down with toxic remarks and not apologize even when you dislike it. true friends are people who you don't have to put up your defenses around. I learnt that not everyone is worth befriending or staying on for, but for now I'm going to try to hold on and maintain my distance- not because I'm desperate for friends (so proud to say I've outgrown that stage guys!), but because I think I could still try to make their worlds a better place before I leave. I learnt forgiveness, for those who probably just don't know what it's like to be truly cared for and to care for others truly. 

This week I learnt that the period of trying is the hardest, cos you're met with the most temptations then. It's when you try to climb and stand up that life shoots you with the most bullets to push you back down. But you bite the bullet and not give up. You have to will yourself to stand up. 

I've been trying to stay confident with the little confidence I've found, to "fake it till I make it", to be patient and understand  that a piece of shit cannot blossom into a flower overnight, yet there are just enough things out there to challenge this little bit of confidence and "I am good enough" belief everyday. 

This week my mood has been pretty roller-coaster-ish with the roller-coaster-like-body-temperatures I've been getting, but there's this playlist I've put together that made me feel better when I felt v sick, v shit, v lousy, v inadequate. I am thankful for these song&lyrics writers, thankful that there are still people who are doing their best to spread positivity and hope in this sad realistic world. 

I named the playlist Try, and if one day you feel like you just need to feel better about yourself, try playing it (not in order/loop?):

1. Try Everything- Shakira (Zootopia)

2. Try- Jay Chou/Patrick Brasca (Kungfu Panda 3)

3. Ordinary- the Sam Willows

4. Fight Song- Rachel Platten 

And also snippet from a post:

Then on the not-so-great-side of having confidence, my heart has been feeling really wild these days, and I feel my feelings flying away to everyone like butterflies when they shouldn't. I'm gonna pray about it and leave this to God, cos I don't think this should be the wayyy aye. Need to get my relationship with Him right first and I know He'll take care of the rest. So I need to get my heart & hormones to calm down hahaha. 

The first, that trying and being yourself is the most important.

The second, that the world (or my elitist world) ((or just my school)) is only going to select people who they (based on their criteria) think will make it and groom just those, leaving the rest to fend for themselves/fall through the gaps/ die (it's okay) ((but how do ppl even get the right to decide who is good enough when they're not God??)). And also some xxxxx youths are extra exclusive and only want to be with the people who laugh the loudest and show off the most parts of their bodies. (I don't understand how they can prefer such people over the little group of (much more authentic) friends I have when we're all equally mature but ok to each their own maybe one day they'll realize it's more important to know people with substance than looks??)   

This week I also learnt that true friends honor their words. I learnt that true friendships make you a better person. I learnt what true friends do not do- they do not constantly tear you down with toxic remarks and not apologize even when you dislike it. true friends are people who you don't have to put up your defenses around. I learnt that not everyone is worth befriending or staying on for, but for now I'm going to try to hold on and maintain my distance- not because I'm desperate for friends (so proud to say I've outgrown that stage guys!), but because I think I could still try to make their worlds a better place before I leave. I learnt forgiveness, for those who probably just don't know what it's like to be truly cared for and to care for others truly. 

This week I learnt that the period of trying is the hardest, cos you're met with the most temptations then. It's when you try to climb and stand up that life shoots you with the most bullets to push you back down. But you bite the bullet and not give up. You have to will yourself to stand up. 

I've been trying to stay confident with the little confidence I've found, to "fake it till I make it", to be patient and understand  that a piece of shit cannot blossom into a flower overnight, yet there are just enough things out there to challenge this little bit of confidence and "I am good enough" belief everyday. 

This week my mood has been pretty roller-coaster-ish with the roller-coaster-like-body-temperatures I've been getting, but there's this playlist I've put together that made me feel better when I felt v sick, v shit, v lousy, v inadequate. I am thankful for these song&lyrics writers, thankful that there are still people who are doing their best to spread positivity and hope in this sad realistic world. 

I named the playlist Try, and if one day you feel like you just need to feel better about yourself, try playing it (not in order/loop?):

1. Try Everything- Shakira (Zootopia)

2. Try- Jay Chou/Patrick Brasca (Kungfu Panda 3)

3. Ordinary- the Sam Willows

4. Fight Song- Rachel Platten 

And also snippet from a post:

Then on the not-so-great-side of having confidence, my heart has been feeling really wild these days, and I feel my feelings flying away to everyone like butterflies when they shouldn't. I'm gonna pray about it and leave this to God, cos I don't think this should be the wayyy aye. Need to get my relationship with Him right first and I know He'll take care of the rest. So I need to get my heart & hormones to calm down hahaha.