5/1 野地的花
Tuesday, January 5, 2016 | 1/05/2016 10:08:00 PM | 0 comments
threw a horrible fit at the mother earlier because she wanted me to take some weird med but I've missed her for the past two weeks and I can't explain why what happened happened
It's the heat in this place that suffocates and fatigue after being away from my reality for the past 25 days that overwhelmed me.
grateful to dad and God for being here throughout the past month though, as well as the mission team for all the lessons and experiences and growing stronger together in our faith.
I found my purpose in the trip after all;
it was to spread the love of God to man, and to love man via loving God and love God via loving man.
爱神、爱人.
But it's the end of my honeymoon and escape from reality
This is a place where time waits for no one and everyone is busy caring for themselves.
It was being overwhelmed with the fact that I'm back here, and I don't want to be.
I miss the long car rides with my family, the talks, quarrels, and the endless welfies
I miss the mission team and my class of 20 and the fellowship with them over the past two weeks that I'd never be able to have here with everyone else around.
I miss the peace and serenity in the place where nature still abounds, people there are so simple and happiness abounds easily and abundantly
I miss the smelly toilets and being watched by hundreds of flies as I pee or even rushing the 4yo to the toilet cos she only says "niao niao" when she can't hold it in any longer
I miss the lack of connection and civilization so I could spend time with the team at supper, with my dad watching damn awesome HBO/fox movies in the hotel, or crashing at 9pm and sleeping peacefully for 7+ hours.
Life was simply wake up, missions, rest, sleep.
There are a million and a hundred thousand things to do and many other realities to face back here that I've been happily staying away from. I don't want to face them and I don't want to be here or stay here.
But at least back here there is family to survive this crazy world with me
There are friends who I will get to meet from tmr onwards who will keep my sanity and sustain me
At the end of the day, before falling asleep, he gently said, "no one is pushing you. you have to believe in yourself, calm down and move one step at a time. 一步一步来."
so I will.
these footsteps are imperfect
but they are steps nevertheless
no matter how small,
no matter how imperfect.
Breathe.
Cos I've still got a lot of fight left in me.
/
Idk what I'd do without you both and some days the thought of being without you scares me so badly that I wish I'll be gone before you both do.
/
