Zzzzzzz ok I'm not gonna start angsting again 

So today i caught Our Times with the class and I felt a teeny bit proud of myself over some very auntie thing I did haha although practically no one who heard gave a shit about it (okay ma and joy thought it's okay/were proud of me thank u both hugs)

I decided to forgo the online booking ytd and take a small little risk (which was rlly small according to joy cos the cinema is usually q empty at that time) to buy the ticket today instead! Cos got student price hahaha. I mean $2.50 may sound like cheapo/nth to some but

1. The money wasn't earned by me but my parents and until I understand how tough/easy earning money is, I shouldn't spend unnecessarily

2. My mom says that lunch in her school with a drink costs $2.50 (that price discrimination in hc LEL)

And if my mom who earns income for the family spends $2.50 sometimes on a meal in canteen, who am I to waste that $2.50 on online booking hahaha but this is not the most important point

dinner w parents was good hehe it was supposed to be their date but they decided to accommodate me too cos they felt bad leaving me alone at home after As (I have no friends) (jk I didn't make plans/didn't know both sibs were out) so I tagged along and they kept calling me lightbulb but I just Ren (3) and let them decide/order what they wanted hehe then when dinner ended I said I wanted to go toilet and brought my Bag along! Was so scared my parents would suspect! Also my dad technically could see the counter from where he was sitting and I felt like some rat trying to evade his view haha

Ultimately it was a success!!! (i kept using ultimately for essay conclusions HAHAHA) 

they didn't even realize until after a while ma saw my face and was like "she did sth wrong" when I was trying to act normal and I can't continue bluffing once I get exposed type haha so they slowly realized haha

but thanks daddy for not stopping/reducing my pocket money ss since prelims even when I obv had Nowhere to go and Nothing to spend on (except offerings, onion rings and abit of minimart snacks hahaha) ((I told him to stop giving me cos he alr had to help me bank in twice and he's always saying that he doesn't print money but he still always gave me so much money -laughing with tears emoji-)) so today I found sth meaningful to spend on too ^^

Before I go I think I wanna clarify sth! When I said things will change (eg knowing true friends) after 26/11, I didn't mean that 26/11 would be like Cinderella midnight or sth but that when everyone becomes free and have no more exams, then i will see who the ones who bother to make effort and meet up are! 

And some ppl I alr know from long ago eg during China trips or stuff like that haha! Like if in a big group and I'm alone and ppl can don't give a shit for weeks/months then they're really not real friends! But then it's during those trips that I also find my real friends cos there are a handful/v few (but I super treasure yall!!) who don't walk in front or behind me but beside me.

That's the most important aspect of friendships I guess (: or maybe some effort to slow down ur pace or quicken ur pace to match the other's.

That being said, I'm prepared for many ppl to leave me cos me being the "other" has somehow stopped putting in effort in friendships to retain them haha. This is cos last time some ppl who mattered a lot would comment that I was trying too hard. And I know I'm always apologizing for who I am now cos of the past but I guess it really taught me that it's better to not show anything/not put in effort or commit so that if anything happens also easier to let go.

So to the present people I'm sorry but either stay and wait first or just get out of my life haha

Like my family members sometimes scream at me when they're pissed, 

I'll never be satisfied until I chase everyone who cares away from me hahaha (true to some extent)

Ok this was v deep and vvvv long cos my brain is overactive and i cant fall asleep but here's to better days ahead and settling allllllllll my future stuff and planning while catching up with friends and recovering my piano backlog + bassoon/ snyo standards!!! (And also catching up on my chinese/ american/Taiwanese/Korean dramas and variety shows and loads and loads of books!) 

Zzzzzzz ok I'm not gonna start angsting again 

So today i caught Our Times with the class and I felt a teeny bit proud of myself over some very auntie thing I did haha although practically no one who heard gave a shit about it (okay ma and joy thought it's okay/were proud of me thank u both hugs)

I decided to forgo the online booking ytd and take a small little risk (which was rlly small according to joy cos the cinema is usually q empty at that time) to buy the ticket today instead! Cos got student price hahaha. I mean $2.50 may sound like cheapo/nth to some but

1. The money wasn't earned by me but my parents and until I understand how tough/easy earning money is, I shouldn't spend unnecessarily

2. My mom says that lunch in her school with a drink costs $2.50 (that price discrimination in hc LEL)

And if my mom who earns income for the family spends $2.50 sometimes on a meal in canteen, who am I to waste that $2.50 on online booking hahaha but this is not the most important point

dinner w parents was good hehe it was supposed to be their date but they decided to accommodate me too cos they felt bad leaving me alone at home after As (I have no friends) (jk I didn't make plans/didn't know both sibs were out) so I tagged along and they kept calling me lightbulb but I just Ren (3) and let them decide/order what they wanted hehe then when dinner ended I said I wanted to go toilet and brought my Bag along! Was so scared my parents would suspect! Also my dad technically could see the counter from where he was sitting and I felt like some rat trying to evade his view haha

Ultimately it was a success!!! (i kept using ultimately for essay conclusions HAHAHA) 

they didn't even realize until after a while ma saw my face and was like "she did sth wrong" when I was trying to act normal and I can't continue bluffing once I get exposed type haha so they slowly realized haha

but thanks daddy for not stopping/reducing my pocket money ss since prelims even when I obv had Nowhere to go and Nothing to spend on (except offerings, onion rings and abit of minimart snacks hahaha) ((I told him to stop giving me cos he alr had to help me bank in twice and he's always saying that he doesn't print money but he still always gave me so much money -laughing with tears emoji-)) so today I found sth meaningful to spend on too ^^

Before I go I think I wanna clarify sth! When I said things will change (eg knowing true friends) after 26/11, I didn't mean that 26/11 would be like Cinderella midnight or sth but that when everyone becomes free and have no more exams, then i will see who the ones who bother to make effort and meet up are! 

And some ppl I alr know from long ago eg during China trips or stuff like that haha! Like if in a big group and I'm alone and ppl can don't give a shit for weeks/months then they're really not real friends! But then it's during those trips that I also find my real friends cos there are a handful/v few (but I super treasure yall!!) who don't walk in front or behind me but beside me.

That's the most important aspect of friendships I guess (: or maybe some effort to slow down ur pace or quicken ur pace to match the other's.

That being said, I'm prepared for many ppl to leave me cos me being the "other" has somehow stopped putting in effort in friendships to retain them haha. This is cos last time some ppl who mattered a lot would comment that I was trying too hard. And I know I'm always apologizing for who I am now cos of the past but I guess it really taught me that it's better to not show anything/not put in effort or commit so that if anything happens also easier to let go.

So to the present people I'm sorry but either stay and wait first or just get out of my life haha

Like my family members sometimes scream at me when they're pissed, 

I'll never be satisfied until I chase everyone who cares away from me hahaha (true to some extent)

Ok this was v deep and vvvv long cos my brain is overactive and i cant fall asleep but here's to better days ahead and settling allllllllll my future stuff and planning while catching up with friends and recovering my piano backlog + bassoon/ snyo standards!!! (And also catching up on my chinese/ american/Taiwanese/Korean dramas and variety shows and loads and loads of books!)