16/1 明天会更好.
Friday, January 16, 2015 | 1/16/2015 08:49:00 PM | 0 comments
Some things happened today:
1. I received a small note from a secret angel which touched me and is why I decided to blog today
2. I met Ashley and the feeling of talking to someone you feel absolutely guardless against/ comfortable with was vvvv nice maybe because after another week in school/mini society without people like Ashley who's been here since sec1,I felt like I'm starting to act like someone im not in order to survive school
3. There was no history lesson which made me feel happy (3hr break who wohldnt be) but sad/this vvv weird feeling that made me spend that blank history period giving 85% for my SBQ essay and though couldn't finish it in 1.5h but lesson of the day/week:
4. Gastric attack from ytd worsened today and my world was spinning otw home + 上吐下泻 feelz dam bad
5. Parents lectured/argued with them for 1hr+ and made me feel dam shitty
(It was supposed to be a family meeting on how we were gonna celebrate this big happening year like my 18th, sis' 21st, parents' jubilees, moving house, parents' 25th/ silver anniversary but everything just went wrong
Starting with why someone like me should even celebrate 18 years of my useless invisible life/ where's the worth hahahaha then "do you wanna invite some friends?" "Huh who" hahahaha )
The conclusion of e lecture was just that I'm the worst child/person ever on earth and im selfish and self centered and arrogant+proud and that bethel is the best place in the world and the only place I shd go to because its the wonderful-est place where youths are totally existent and everyone there are friends/ I Legit hide in the toilet most of the times (but then again I hide in toilet in school also when I can't find my friends) and I can never learn anythig else about God from anywhere else
(Ok sorry for ranting please don't let yr impression of my religion be ruined cos of my personal issues w my church(es) and family)
But admist all this I just wanna say that
I'll pull through and I'll survive because life is teaching me to
During the lecture I was just feeling so crappy inside like I alr put my family in first place but its still not enough / im still too closed up against everyone or sth such that I can't feel anyone care and no one can feel me care
But I remembered the small note I received this morning and how this one person noticed the littlest things like me running finish the 2.7km on tues (without stopping) (I came in 5th in class HAHAHAHA cos everyone else was walking) (who even cares about lame things like that somemore about me hahahahha) and I just felt better
And even though some things have made me v upset like how my schedule tmr is crazy and how I feel v sick and terrible and shit but i feel like God still cares and there are people who still care about me to some extent incl my parents who think I'm the worst child ever/I was bred for nothing?
(Is this an improvement from my STS deleted post yet)
Also I wanna say that this week someone told me how she can cry easily when she has the emotions/feel and someone else we know can't control her tears/cries v easily and I was just like "oh I used to be like that as a kid too just count 1,2,3 can see tears alr HAHAHAHAHA" but the secret part I left out was that "now when I wanna cry, when I really really want to just cry and let all the shit out, i can't." Though I guess it's good cos save energy huh like what use does crying have right HaHahaha
(And Toiletbowl stop calling me crybaby cos I dun cry and im a dam cool baby)
So this shall be my new aim for the week instead and if successful will promote to a resolution for this year:
Sorry I think this is a v incoherent post HaHahaha
Idk I think I'll just go sleep but yeah
I'll crawl one step at a time for now
Thankful for every one who is here, secretly or not (:
(And actually secret angel I think yr handwriting wasn't as much of a secret as you were Heh but I'll call you secret angel still haha thanks for everyth (:)
