20/9 最珍贵的角落
Friday, September 19, 2014 | 9/19/2014 09:36:00 PM | 0 comments
I... Don't think I'm supposed to be here but...
These have been days of sometimes seeing the dead tired looks of and feeling random angsts from people around me, me included. I can't wait for promos to end, not because I hate seeing/feeling what I get, but because idw ppl around me who I care about to feel the way they do.
(It's at times when i see/feel these pressure/sadness/pain from treasured people and know i cannot do anything that makes me feel really 😞)
But it's also at times like this when the really not so nice people reveal themselves (actually this person revealed to me since a while ago already)
Im not a nice person and am really no one to judge if someone is nice or not but yes there is someone in my class who isn't a good person by my definitions/ the one person I dislike/have honestly been trying hard to accept but cnnt really. (Idk why some ppl have the impression that I don't like a lot of ppl but there is only 1 person I don't like now because really v scary please be careful guys)
Sometimes I rather make friends with people who look and act like they're bad because they're the ones who are usually the purest and nicest inside, rather than some people who might always on outside seem nice and all but inside is just so... Scary xS (and by scary I don't just mean fierce or intimidating)
That's why even when I always quarrel with lcy and I think jx is abit mean/racist and I complain to everyone about them, I don't dislike them cos I know they're kind inside (maybe can't say so much about jx but I know for cy cos interactions) )
I know it's near promos but I can't help feeling this shudder/fear when I wonder about the things that go on inside some people's minds
But. There are still many more people im blessed to have in my world because they inspire and touch my life in ways I can't express (sorry I reallyreally am bad with words)
1. hi Nice! (but together we are Badder ((badel))) xD
Your words of strength stirred up emotions in me that I've unknowingly buried deep inside for a few weeks now/maybe since the stress for piano exam started building up. Mmm thank you a lot a lot for being you, and tbh im not gonna try to understand why you felt bad about yourself because of mistakes you made and all; you were and will always be the cute, lovely, Nice and imperfectly perfect friend in my eyes (: thanks for sharing btw ((:
2. I want to say sorry to cindy for calling her pretty because she really is more than that; more than kind, humble, sensitive, wise, God-fearing, wonderful, and what words can describe her. But she is uniquely her and she is my friend (:
thankyou cindy for supporting the meaningful Cambodia cause, for telling me we can meet up, for pleasantly surprising me/saying hi when you walked past my class bench, for looking really happy and carefree when you were on yr way to e toilet(-: I hope you will always smile like that because I haven't seen you smile the way you did many times back in ny (: "you are beautiful, no matter what they say~ words can't bring you down" (hehe there's also Girl on Fire but im not Sure if you want me to recall your memorable dance moves) (-:
3. That moment when my favourite roo sent me a pretty selfie of herself wearing the Love Export shirt and a few laggy seconds later I realized I was also wearing the shirt xD thank you roo for inflating my balloon this week and for this that I want to encourage everyone else w like how you encouraged me (:
5. My annoying to death brother who I love to death who hasn't been the most perfect person in this world for the past 12 years in his life and has been creating a lot of problems recently is turning 13 one day before promos/his eoys start ie no celebration and I just want to pray for God to help him grow up and help everyone incl myself see more of his strengths especially that 99% kind/ Golden heart of his beneath all his shit.
6. My heart was screaming a yes and a I want to tell I want to say I want to
But what came out was a possibly too cold-hard "no."
I'm sorry for lying because I'm a coward and I wish, I really wish but I don't and can't regret.
Sometimes we have to let go and just wait and see- if things are meant to be they will be. (One of my favourite phrases: Que sera, sera.)
And on the less wonderful days when I feel like nothing, I thank God more afterwards because I realize even more how great His love and grace for someone like me is, and I thank the people around me who are just..here. Here, basking/floating/surviving in all my flaws and mistakes and screwups and shit and insecurities.
Here.
Here means something that i cannot express in words (:
No one in this world owes us anything-not friendship, not smiles and hugs, not loyalty, not favours, not patience, not even a piece of shit. So to the ones who actually give/have given a damn, to the ones who care/cared, and even those who are full of shit when with me (my new pet/crude phrase but it's usually a sign of friendliness/trust if I say that to you)
Thank You (:
谢谢你灿烂笑容
照亮我的天空
谢谢你分享心情
把我放在你心中
夜里有时为寒冷
你我生根同暖土
友情是最亮的星
我的生命从此美丽
当你被花朵包围尽情欢欣
我带春风使你舞其中
当你正走在坎坷路
我会伴你在左右
一起向蓝天欢呼
向白云招手
我们要一起笑一起哭
千万人中有个人懂我
你有最珍贵的角落
--最珍贵的角落/赞美之泉
