1/9 bad day
Monday, September 1, 2014 | 9/01/2014 10:32:00 PM | 0 comments
Today was a bad day
Bad doesn't even describe how Bad everything was
Starting with how I had 2+hrs of sleep the night before cos of
And how ytd was sissy's bday but ended up
(Still happy birthday I hope you were happy ytd despite everything)
And how maf on sat nearly became my new fear
And today sherbz who usually entertains and makes me laugh loads was sick and my day was seriously so empty
And boo who had to do yfc also was mia
But thank God for cole (: and we told each other about our blogs (or equivalent) heh is that like a milestone for our friendship
And I was thoroughly embarrassed thanks to this stupid mango crabstick sandwich which I will never ever eat again (it wasn't even that nice) I hate troubling people especially people I'm not close to seriously hate ttm whoadnwkxbskznakenkazkskabdje nvm already done I need to stop this!!!!
I know I should be like thankful and I tried to but I just feel so bugged by it and that one person in class who I honestly think hates me just had to keep telling everyone "she dam lazy"
Yes. Bad day.
The night was much better though practiced piano from 530-730 then dinner and from 8-9 today I recorded my entire repertoire for the first time and it made me feel abit (': listening to it afterwards although it's so imperfect cos like first time hearing self (but actually yeah quite disgusting a lot of things to work on) but idk I just felt happy and soothed for some reason (I think I should be freakin out instead but wtv)
Thank you God for music
And yeah anw today in sch esp gp when I was feeling exhausted and getting sick of trying/was secretly literally forcing myself to laugh as much as I can if not I might've started crying cos tired/grouchy+pekcek I thought of this song and wished the world really could be this simple:
You don't have to try so hard
You don't have to give it all away
You just have to get up, get up, get up, get up
You don't have to change a single thing
You don't have to try, try, try, try
You don't have to try, try, try, try
You don't have to try, try, try, try
You don't have to try
Yooou don't have to try
-Colbie Caillat
But reality check: NO life doesn't work like that
Yes sometimes life does gets pretty tiring and I wanna quit but I can't quit/ stop trying although I want to
And at times like this I guess I just have to keep reminding myself of happy things (though not like this morning force smile and laugh) but think on the brighter side
And believe that everything will be okay
I wish I could tell everything to someone and I guess this is a sign that I haven't been telling God everything cos sometimes idk how to say it and I know He alr knows so I don't really bother
(Removed)
/
Okay I can do this you can do this we can all do this
I will stop feeling so terribly lousy (although I am this lousy) (at a time like this where studies and everything else is so crucial I'm here worryig about how I'm going to get an overseas scholarship w my grades and zero leadership or service components which suddenly mean the world to the world)
I haven't started on promos revision and Every One has but I will take my own baby steps and not stop moving now and trust God to work a miracle for me
Cos God am I completely exhausted and strengthless now
Like I'm lying on the cold hard floor and unable to move and all I want is for someone to grab my hand and just drag me just along the floor and move
But I know God already has me in His arms, and He's carrying me to my destination and I can rest in Him.
Trust, girl
Trust Him
And him
And her
And everyone you need to trust
My life is such a mess oh God help me
I Will Not Give Up I can do this!!!!!
/
I don't know whether to wish for you to be close, close, closer, or for you to go further away, colder and distant until you are nothing
I don't know whether to stay warm and open, or close up and shut any open widows before anything happens and I end up breaking my own glass windows
God this is for you to solve I'm outta here thanks
