this is me ♔

11/9 superheroes

Thursday, September 11, 2014 | 9/11/2014 06:56:00 PM | 0 comments

When the weather is good,

Nothing feels as bad as it is (:

Wanted to hug the wind and the smell and comfort it brings along with it

But the wind cannot be hugged hehe

Yesterday was the day

Mom told me she texted daddy that everything these few months- all the piano fees, the piano exam fees of nearly $1000, all the time and all my terrible attitudes caused by stress was worth the 35mins she sat beside me flipping pages for me

Except her ear isn't as sensitive as the examiners or the teaches', neither is her knowledge of my pieces as deep as mine

And she wasn't around during viva voce and quick study which were ha ha ha

If God works some miracle and I pass everything for the first time in my life, I would give thanks! If not I hope to at least pass playing and only retake the other 2

Ha ha ha

"Only retake the other 2" sounds abit over optimistic and over-unambitious but I don't have a choice other than to be optimistic about my circumstances now ha ha ha

Was feeling so angst and completely exhausted after the 1hr that I was really rude to my mom even when she brought me out for a celebratory lunch and I feel quite bad cos I was quite disrespectful again this morning but really thankful for a mom like her who is one and only and not the best mom in the world but the only mom that I would want to have in my life

Anw went home to watch one ep of running man which made me feel so much better and slept a while but all I did e entire day was my gp compre hahaha and didn't even do aq xD

I know time is shorter than short but I couldn't move ytd haha just felt so tired and angst and lousy but okay I'm over it alr (maybe just pray that the results will end up in the wrong mailbox or don't ask about it anymore)

I saw this pic on twitter that people said was true about our education system or sth liddat but I didn't save it and I can't find it anymore- it's a guy who was happy/exclaiming cos he got out of one cage but he was still locked in a bigger cage

That was my feeling ytd cos liberation for one but Promos

But well now I'm thankful cos at least 1 over is better than none over xD

(If you see e pic can send me please hehe)

Was looking through my pics last night/walking down memory lane and some things i wanted to post but I fell asleep- the people I've missed a lot but cannot do anything about:

This pic cos many of the ppl I miss are here esp the pretty girls in left right centre

I can't find a pic of me with the girl on the extreme right but don't y'all think she's one of the prettiest people in this world (inside out)?((-:

And this person ahaha who has sudden cold diao

How do you tell someone you miss them, especially when so many things have happened and so much time has passed, it feels like it's been too long and you can't just go up to them anymore and say "hey let's sit down and talk about life and everything" because you know even if you guys did sit down and talk, the proximity/most things can never go back to the way it was?

But also thankyou this special person who after 3 years of friendship stepped into this smaller world of mine

I know I say this a lot here hehe but thanks for having been here this whole time, even when you're busy, and for being one of my favourite and important friends (-:

Also many thanks to everyone who understood the importance of yesterday to me and wished me luck before and during (:

I reallyreallyrealy appreciate and treasure every well-wish and I won't forget (:

Small actions like that mean so much more to me than the laughter or gifts or words or things anyone can bring (:

So yeah. Yesterday, stupid ugly fat lousy piece of 💩 felt like a permanent failure for being unable to accomplish any thing in her life (that |0| feeling again) and all that negativity was slowly eating her up and drowning her but she saw this

And while she was feeling like 💩 she thought of so many lousy things that she thank God she didn't publish any cos she would definitely be judged

Now it's not just me being clear headed and feeling good or that I have realized I'm not failure (it's a fact that I don't really think I can change other than w the power of God) but I decided I can be optimistic about it and like try to make myself feel less 💩 xD

So yup I will stand up

And regain my energy/inflate my balloon for promos like I promised roo

My balloon can't be inflated idk why and I know I should be worried but I feel so deflated that there isn't enough strength in me to get worried ahaha so

Okay I will just continue trying and everything will be okay cos God will lead me through

Dk if I made a wrong decision to go school today cos I feel like I can't really focus but at home I'm scared I'll sleep/the deflated me can't guarantee her self-discipline anymore so okay school tmr I will try my best for last day of holidays gogogo lwh

Also I will try my best to put aside distractions like how I'm a loser how I miss some of my (once) most important friends and how I'm an outcast in class and cca HAHAHAHA all those little whatsapp groups and exclusive study sessions and half of the batch walking past my class bench to go for lunch on Monday while Bigfatgirl97 was sitting there I'm not stupid not blind and I will not care (I mean not like I would've wanted to be in a convo I'm not interested in or even want to go out with a group of ppl I'm not close to but why do these kind of secretive little things)

I tried to let go and am trying hard to be 大方 about it which I really should because really it's no one's fault/ everyone's right/ if it has to be someone's fault it's mine for being a loser

But stuff like that kinda really get to me and i kinda gave someone the cold shoulder today though it was a 1min thing before lunch that I don't think anyone noticed and I know I promised and have learnt my lesson to not ignore/cold shoulder anyone but still

This sense of betrayal as a result of overpossessiveness HAHAHAHA

Let me inflate my balloon to clear promos first then I will work dam hard for my snyo auditions to (pray hard for once) get myself out of that place (really regret not training hard for Ultimate really truly regret but it's too late haha) then I will care about the world, people, my 'friends' and friends

For now

Let it go adel!!!!!!!!

Last few days I must pull up my socks and stop my nonsense and STAND UP (,stand up for~ Singapore~~~!)

昨天下了那场雨

今天地球还在循转

明天太阳还会升起

如果为了过去的事而忘了张开眼睛，珍惜神所赐的每个创造与祝福

那今天与今天以后的每个晴天，不就永远都被昨天的乌云遮盖了吗？

For everyone struggling:

All the hurt, all the lies

All the tears that they cry

When the moment is just right

You see fire in their eyes

'Cause he’s stronger than you know

A heart of steel starts to grow

When you've been fighting for it all your life

You've been struggling to make things right

That’s how a superhero learns to fly

Every day, every hour

Turn the pain into power

-The Script

/

Amidst everything,

I thought of you today.

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