My family for some crazy reason suscribed to the singtel world cup thing and I only realized a few days ago that this is a subscription/not free/in fact v ex from my pov lol

So my dad/bro (and sis some nights) have been "studying" with me till 3am this whole week hahahha it's quite fun to  watch and these matches were really good esp in the last week of hols/when we just came back from UK cos jetlag hahaha in fact I was still sleeping at 5am last Saturday/before block test week xS 

(Speaking of which the World Cup culture in UK is really strong hahaha you see many people leaving work at 3/4pm and walking on streets with red unsober faces cheering and being loud)  

But after one match a few days ago (Brazil vs chille if I didn't rmb wrongly), I felt really bad/opened new perspectives rgd World Cup. We were supporting Brazil and they were tied throughout the match, till the penalty kicks had to be used and I was so nervous that I honestly went "omg please win Brazil please miss this one Chille" 

And Brazil did win. But just as I was about to cheer, the cameras zoomed in on the last Chille guy who hit the goalpost/ missed the goal/determined the outcome of the match and after seeing his expression, I felt so guilty that I didn't feel happy anymore for Brazil and stopped watching WC after that day.

WC displays this one thing I hate about competitions/sports- only one winner emerges

And the things ppl do to win are quite scary. (not Brazil but some other country I forgot they kept Pretending to get injured and doing all kinds of nonsense just to drag time and the lack of sportsmanship made me super angry) 

It's not that I'm against those who win cos i know they worked very hard to be where they are. But I feel so bad/guilty for the teams that don't qualify and the players who worked so hard for 5years, the season and the 90mins only to be disappointed like that. And those country's citizens too, esp since I saw myself that wc in the west seems like a really huge thing to them. 

So yeah. FIFA has been very prominent in my life recently from uk to uk-sg to sg. 

6. The past 

Somehow during recent times, I've been enlightened (maybe by someone's uh comment or two) that I should stop making myself sound so victimized cos I hurt others even more/ am more of a tyrant than a victim. Not that I intentionally do this but maybe it's just the way I see things? Idk haha anw good point I will try to change.. And stop blaming others for leaving. I should think more from others' perspectives-- they prolly hurt too, if i wasnt stupidly fooled and they really did ever care. 

I'm not a nice person to stay with in the first place haha so while I'm not gonna end up just thanking them for having come to my life in the first place and act like they did me some huge favour or what, but i guess its time to let go if I've been unconsciously fermenting the pain inside (Idk if I have honestly haha)

(Yes see me try hard to take negative comments positively)

Times/periods/things this year that I secretly miss badly: 

•Orientation: extreme awkwardness but memorable now, interacting with councillors/fc and sodache/playing all day long; everyone was equal. Oh and IP weeks where I got to be with 413 (and cindy)

•Campaign: so crazy and busy and un-me, but I miss that feeling of trying hard, of getting things done (though unacademic), of trying to make myself a better person/following orders&discipline. I especially miss painting our banner at bpa, and that one scene in our video where we ran around e entire central plaza 6 times (being chased by hk hahaha) haha, oh and going home late nearly every night/having dinner w a12 ppl which helped me feel abit closer to them. This sounds so loser esp cos I didn't get in, but I won't forget all those memories and lessons learnt that belong to me/won't be taken away by votes. Regret? Nah. Wistful? Nope. I ish thankful. (:

•Frisbee: sigh. What can I say about this? I'm really glad that I didn't get in, cos m is such an S that I can't even, and there are cliques/politics now (if even I heard about them when I'm not inside then it says sth right). I miss training w k, my and even jm, when there were only 4 of us, I miss that little India field hahaha, I miss complaining about turning black, I secretly miss being more fit during those few months hahaha. (Shh though, this is between us xD) I just miss those times, but I'm glad I didn't (get to) join eventually, cos I would've hated m to the core (and those/his politics). (Then again, lol isn't band now the same? Sigh.) So, even though the grass always looks greener on the other side, must rmb to balance with reality hahaha 

So yes, as I think about those great times, I smile, sigh, maybe tear, but eventually it's all about learning to move on with life 

Those times were great, but theyre over.

I should really start to mean my words when I tell myself to let go xD

No matter what, the past has taught me to be thankful for the people who are here. The most impt now is to focus and treasure ppl in front of me (esp my family),

Because one day they will leave too and even a normal friend now might be missed in a few years. 

7. The Present 

Blocks ended ytd!(: and then someone/ people started talking about how promos are 9-10 weeks away (which huix told me that they're not that soon) and irritating me badly cos lol blocks just ended. And once one person said it, so many ppl started spreading it when it's not even a trend hahaha. I mean fine maybe some ppl really need the affirmation that they're very hardworking and idk what lol. I just wished they didn't have to dampen my post blocks mood hahaha after allthis is the best period (post-test, pre-result) Wanted to watch tfios ytd but the tickets were all out so krys joy and I just had dinner and talked a lot. (: 

Went to Chinatown today w lepak to check out tour agencies! We checked 5 and decided maybe we will just book everyth ourselves hahaha/undecided. But it was nice meeting them after a week of sh*t. These people.. We aren't perfect and I always get Guai-lan-ed by them, but deep inside they rlly accept you for who you are. And we are authentic, that's what I like most about them. In fact I really dislike fake people (this pri sch quote I learnt that I still sometimes think of when I see some people: you're so artificial that plastic bags are jealous ahahah meankid97)    

Then genki sushi at Chinatown point with krys and joy again! OMG this genki sushi is no joke they're freaking cool like the food is served on the conveyor belt in seconds via like personal "bullet trains" after you order using an ipad mini/minimum manual labour! Strongly recommended to try haha I was honestly fascinated with the trains hahah and the food is so good esp the spicy salmon sushi (but the menu is nt very big/nt many items I say first) (There's one more outlet at orchard central hehe)

So we were eating really happily, and at 6.30pm krys was like "I gotta leave around 6.45pm" cos she had a concert to go to, then I suddenly "omg joy our movie at 7??" and she was like Ö and krys couldn't stop laughing haha but anw we quickly finished dinner and rushed from Chinatown to nex 20mins late fight but ok I started crying pretty early and my jacket was soaked with tears/unlocked emotions from a long time I haven't cried in v v long! And after e movie ended i was still tearing non stop >< guess i rlly don't take death well no matter how much I prepare myself for it/know the ending via e book alr! Learnt a lot from the movie ahh it was really heart-wrenching, but it touched the heart! (unlike maybe other movies) especially for someone who battles long term illness haha.. It was awakening although I alr read e book. at least I learnt to give thanks cos.. My illness doesn't give me much disability and I don't have the worst of illnesses, so I'm thankful, yup. Besides, God has been saving me a lot from danger zones this whole time, esp 2011 and 2013! So i must live my life well, and learn from the both of them! #candodeez  

Saving the best/most important for the last:

Today was te first lesson that I walked out of mrk's place feeling inspired and positively motivated to work hard rather than motivated by fear. Think I'm finally starting to warm up to my new cool teacher heh xD but mrk seemed to be in a rlly good mood today/didn't scold but even praised me when I didn't practice this whole week xD

Time to work really hard for my exam! Praying hard for a one time pass. Must work especially on my programme notes (ahhhhhh) and perfecting my pieces. I'm playing so terribly now that I can't even run through the full pieces with metronome without stopping at all xS Ganbatte lwh ><  

My family for some crazy reason suscribed to the singtel world cup thing and I only realized a few days ago that this is a subscription/not free/in fact v ex from my pov lol

So my dad/bro (and sis some nights) have been "studying" with me till 3am this whole week hahahha it's quite fun to  watch and these matches were really good esp in the last week of hols/when we just came back from UK cos jetlag hahaha in fact I was still sleeping at 5am last Saturday/before block test week xS 

(Speaking of which the World Cup culture in UK is really strong hahaha you see many people leaving work at 3/4pm and walking on streets with red unsober faces cheering and being loud)  

But after one match a few days ago (Brazil vs chille if I didn't rmb wrongly), I felt really bad/opened new perspectives rgd World Cup. We were supporting Brazil and they were tied throughout the match, till the penalty kicks had to be used and I was so nervous that I honestly went "omg please win Brazil please miss this one Chille" 

And Brazil did win. But just as I was about to cheer, the cameras zoomed in on the last Chille guy who hit the goalpost/ missed the goal/determined the outcome of the match and after seeing his expression, I felt so guilty that I didn't feel happy anymore for Brazil and stopped watching WC after that day.

WC displays this one thing I hate about competitions/sports- only one winner emerges

And the things ppl do to win are quite scary. (not Brazil but some other country I forgot they kept Pretending to get injured and doing all kinds of nonsense just to drag time and the lack of sportsmanship made me super angry) 

It's not that I'm against those who win cos i know they worked very hard to be where they are. But I feel so bad/guilty for the teams that don't qualify and the players who worked so hard for 5years, the season and the 90mins only to be disappointed like that. And those country's citizens too, esp since I saw myself that wc in the west seems like a really huge thing to them. 

So yeah. FIFA has been very prominent in my life recently from uk to uk-sg to sg. 

6. The past 

Somehow during recent times, I've been enlightened (maybe by someone's uh comment or two) that I should stop making myself sound so victimized cos I hurt others even more/ am more of a tyrant than a victim. Not that I intentionally do this but maybe it's just the way I see things? Idk haha anw good point I will try to change.. And stop blaming others for leaving. I should think more from others' perspectives-- they prolly hurt too, if i wasnt stupidly fooled and they really did ever care. 

I'm not a nice person to stay with in the first place haha so while I'm not gonna end up just thanking them for having come to my life in the first place and act like they did me some huge favour or what, but i guess its time to let go if I've been unconsciously fermenting the pain inside (Idk if I have honestly haha)

(Yes see me try hard to take negative comments positively)

Times/periods/things this year that I secretly miss badly: 

•Orientation: extreme awkwardness but memorable now, interacting with councillors/fc and sodache/playing all day long; everyone was equal. Oh and IP weeks where I got to be with 413 (and cindy)

•Campaign: so crazy and busy and un-me, but I miss that feeling of trying hard, of getting things done (though unacademic), of trying to make myself a better person/following orders&discipline. I especially miss painting our banner at bpa, and that one scene in our video where we ran around e entire central plaza 6 times (being chased by hk hahaha) haha, oh and going home late nearly every night/having dinner w a12 ppl which helped me feel abit closer to them. This sounds so loser esp cos I didn't get in, but I won't forget all those memories and lessons learnt that belong to me/won't be taken away by votes. Regret? Nah. Wistful? Nope. I ish thankful. (:

•Frisbee: sigh. What can I say about this? I'm really glad that I didn't get in, cos m is such an S that I can't even, and there are cliques/politics now (if even I heard about them when I'm not inside then it says sth right). I miss training w k, my and even jm, when there were only 4 of us, I miss that little India field hahaha, I miss complaining about turning black, I secretly miss being more fit during those few months hahaha. (Shh though, this is between us xD) I just miss those times, but I'm glad I didn't (get to) join eventually, cos I would've hated m to the core (and those/his politics). (Then again, lol isn't band now the same? Sigh.) So, even though the grass always looks greener on the other side, must rmb to balance with reality hahaha 

So yes, as I think about those great times, I smile, sigh, maybe tear, but eventually it's all about learning to move on with life 

Those times were great, but theyre over.

I should really start to mean my words when I tell myself to let go xD

No matter what, the past has taught me to be thankful for the people who are here. The most impt now is to focus and treasure ppl in front of me (esp my family),

Because one day they will leave too and even a normal friend now might be missed in a few years. 

7. The Present 

Blocks ended ytd!(: and then someone/ people started talking about how promos are 9-10 weeks away (which huix told me that they're not that soon) and irritating me badly cos lol blocks just ended. And once one person said it, so many ppl started spreading it when it's not even a trend hahaha. I mean fine maybe some ppl really need the affirmation that they're very hardworking and idk what lol. I just wished they didn't have to dampen my post blocks mood hahaha after allthis is the best period (post-test, pre-result) Wanted to watch tfios ytd but the tickets were all out so krys joy and I just had dinner and talked a lot. (: 

Went to Chinatown today w lepak to check out tour agencies! We checked 5 and decided maybe we will just book everyth ourselves hahaha/undecided. But it was nice meeting them after a week of sh*t. These people.. We aren't perfect and I always get Guai-lan-ed by them, but deep inside they rlly accept you for who you are. And we are authentic, that's what I like most about them. In fact I really dislike fake people (this pri sch quote I learnt that I still sometimes think of when I see some people: you're so artificial that plastic bags are jealous ahahah meankid97)    

Then genki sushi at Chinatown point with krys and joy again! OMG this genki sushi is no joke they're freaking cool like the food is served on the conveyor belt in seconds via like personal "bullet trains" after you order using an ipad mini/minimum manual labour! Strongly recommended to try haha I was honestly fascinated with the trains hahah and the food is so good esp the spicy salmon sushi (but the menu is nt very big/nt many items I say first) (There's one more outlet at orchard central hehe)

So we were eating really happily, and at 6.30pm krys was like "I gotta leave around 6.45pm" cos she had a concert to go to, then I suddenly "omg joy our movie at 7??" and she was like Ö and krys couldn't stop laughing haha but anw we quickly finished dinner and rushed from Chinatown to nex 20mins late fight but ok I started crying pretty early and my jacket was soaked with tears/unlocked emotions from a long time I haven't cried in v v long! And after e movie ended i was still tearing non stop >< guess i rlly don't take death well no matter how much I prepare myself for it/know the ending via e book alr! Learnt a lot from the movie ahh it was really heart-wrenching, but it touched the heart! (unlike maybe other movies) especially for someone who battles long term illness haha.. It was awakening although I alr read e book. at least I learnt to give thanks cos.. My illness doesn't give me much disability and I don't have the worst of illnesses, so I'm thankful, yup. Besides, God has been saving me a lot from danger zones this whole time, esp 2011 and 2013! So i must live my life well, and learn from the both of them! #candodeez  

Saving the best/most important for the last:

Today was te first lesson that I walked out of mrk's place feeling inspired and positively motivated to work hard rather than motivated by fear. Think I'm finally starting to warm up to my new cool teacher heh xD but mrk seemed to be in a rlly good mood today/didn't scold but even praised me when I didn't practice this whole week xD

Time to work really hard for my exam! Praying hard for a one time pass. Must work especially on my programme notes (ahhhhhh) and perfecting my pieces. I'm playing so terribly now that I can't even run through the full pieces with metronome without stopping at all xS Ganbatte lwh ><