1. The Perspectives

A few days ago, I was here lamenting that the week was terrible. But Thursday and today were really good days that I know I will look back and smile at.

I went to school completely unprepared for csc and econs on Thursday. It was by God's grace that I survived the day- the econs quiz ytd was the first quiz this year that I actually had answers for/most confident of passing (btw I have failed every single one of the previous quizzes). And though honestly the csc test questions that came out were not the ones I prepared for/I don't think I can pass this first time, I realized that I actually enjoy/love reading all the current affairs/ issues and absorbing all that content like a Sponge. (Except I would have enjoyed e process more if I started studying earlier/had more time) 

also I realized I really love how various lines and strokes can form a word and how those words from sentences and phrases. Chinese is just different- the words themselves feel like art to me hahahaha(:

Anw. 70pages of Chinese in 2 days really was a major underestimation on my part. But I won't forget the afternoon spent in TianTang/Chill with huix boo and cole last min mugging and laughing till my stomach hurt from heaven to chill hahahah xD 

I wish for more of these times to come, the 3 of them really make life so much more exciting and colourful for me (: (actually gossip aunties but b wasn't with us because yeah) ((actually A12))

The biggest joke was that this paper was one of the rare few times where I suddenly started and couldn't stop laughing. My chair and table were shaking cos I was trying hard to contain my laughter (sorry boo sorry huix) ((why I don't like LTs/seating in rows/ being connected to the whole row)) idek why I laughed hahaha so it was pretty lame and joke and looking back I don't even think I have the chance to pass now but. 

The process was extra memorable and defining. That's exactly what I wanted/how I want my college life to be(: 

There's also band, which I'd been struggling with ever since jaes entered/I officially joined. Today, most burdens dropped! I realized over the course of this week that I no longer am struggling. Today's prac was really enjoyable. I'm really thankful for the ensemble I'm in (though I don't know how it happened/whether they chose me or what/how I ended up in this ensemble)  that let me start practicing more than I have in months/be useful, have less of an urge to pon band, and to give me somewhere to belong to. Also grateful because somehow, in God's plans...

Guess who's gonna start learning a new instrument next week! (~:

This girl is more excited than she can ever express in words xD  

Cos the newcomer quit and they're short. And because I'm part of the section so. Anticipate (-: 

Also grateful for yepmam esp teow and lily and sometimes yap and nana too for having given me more attention/love/patience than they ever did in NYCB and for letting me feel less awkz/don't wanna leave so badly. Really love them alot (: (and I don't usually confess my love publicly) 

So. The major lesson learnt is that life is all about perspective. (-: 

2. The Nostalgia

Another reason why today was a great day was cos we played our piece for Arts Feste and I enjoyed it so much, that it brought back a large amount of passion and feels for band. 

Although we'll only be performing one piece in the whole concert, do come watch ArtsFeste (if not for all the cool cca performances, at least for band that i can assure you will be satisfactory/worth it)! Yup.

And bassoon parts are so pathetic to the extent that ry and I started making jokes outta them/added secret parts (since no one can hear us anw Hahahah) and doing other joke things BUT! The piece is such a happy song that I really felt so happy playing the song/swaying along with te music despite not playing much(: the happy music rlly made my day!

On the way home I was listening to recordings of the song on looplooploop and suddenly a lot of feels came back from my past and all that soppy nonsense and idk why I started tearing up on the Bus/couldn't rlly stop for a while. Not like I was crying but the tears were flowing out and I felt reallyreally awkward/like laughing at myself but I couldn't. Thank God for (my favourite) empty double decker buses.

I guess my past is still something I secretly carry with me, though sometimes it may seem like I already let it go~ let it go~~ can't hold it back anymore~~~. 

I miss yepmam, and making music/playing all those cool sexy band music in Nycb with mschong, I miss Totoro and the lamer but sweet/happy music with mrlim. I miss staying back till 8+ (The time I left school today) for meetings with yepmam in the quadrangle and all sorts of places and heading to teaparty afterwards for our weekly/veryfrequent dinners.

There are more things I miss about nanyang than anyone prolly hears me talking about, (band is just one aspect) partly because I know that im already in hc and there's no point looking back at what's passed, and partly cos well maybe, just maybe, I'm that bit scared of getting emotional and soppy xD 

I miss many things/people from last year and before, so much so that even while knowing that the things won't happen again/people won't come back anymore/ nothing can return to the past, the feeling doesn't go away. 

3. The Pragmatic, Faultless World

It's been days of people from council/frisbee saying hi at random times and not-so-simply walking past me at other random times. For some, i guess it's the company that matters- when they see you with someone they'd like to associate with, it's an enthusiastic HI!

And when it's just you and te other person, the person catches your eye and immediately avoids, haha. That being said, there are still some random/totally unexpected people who will always say hi and acknowledge you when y'all meet, like this super scary looking frisbee senior (wh) that never acknowledged me during trainings last time and still always says hi now. 

Still, for others/most, you're simply just not worth the acknowledgement that 'hey I actually know you, we've actually done and been through stuff together before' 

But this is society, and it's not at fault for being the way it is.

The only person that can be blamed is,

Me, for being such a 

Loser. xD 

Just feels pretty funny. And awkward.

I don't have a choice but to smile and wave because I am a loser that didn't get to become a part of those people (whether or not I currently even want to be a part of them now) so as part of society i should wave and smile at those winners and be veryvery happy to see them. And when at those times they decide to look away, I will just continue smiling like nothing is wrong. 

And I just realized that this does not only happen w council and frisbee ppl heh. Nvm xD

4. The Politics  

I wonder if there's anywhere in this world that has no politics. That's one of the reasons why I don't think being an international relations officer is still my dream any longer. In sec3/4, I wanted to become an international relations officer/work at MFA because I wanted to link sgp to the world and make friends with all the countries, to make good and happy relations. Like the world was a big family and we would all be happy tgt. But J1 csc lessons have made me realize that in this world, at least between nations, there isn't such a thing as true friendship, but relationships of politics and benefits. We only make relations cos they would help our country, and all those happy good friendship thingums that I had wanted to join MFA for are nothing but my lame dumb immature thinking. 

5. The Priorities

Gotta reprioritise my life because my life is kinda in a mess so what I'm thinking of now

1. God

2. Family

3. Studies 

4. Piano 

5. Friends 

6. Band

7. Health

(8. What you think hahahahaha jk) 

6. The Links

These are links that I found really really really meaningful/ got me thinking. You can read them in your free time (: the last post on what students really need to hear was the most impactful

Credits to the fellow bloggers who inspired me with these links (: hope y'all don't mind me sharing! 

http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/5267023

news.distractify.com/people/this-man-will-make-you-shut-off-your-phone-and-talk-to-a-stranger-with-one-powerful-poem/?v=1

thoughtcatalog.com/kovie-biakolo/2013/09/what-we-learn-from-old-friends/

affectiveliving.wordpress.com/2014/03/08/what-students-really-need-to-hear/

Saudade: 

The recollection of feelings, experiences, places or events that once brought excitement, pleasure, well-being, which now triggers the senses and makes one live again. It can be described as an emptiness, like someone or something that should be there in a particular moment is missing, and the individual feels this absence. It brings sad and happy feelings all together, sadness for missing and happiness for having experienced the feeling.

1. The Perspectives

A few days ago, I was here lamenting that the week was terrible. But Thursday and today were really good days that I know I will look back and smile at.

I went to school completely unprepared for csc and econs on Thursday. It was by God's grace that I survived the day- the econs quiz ytd was the first quiz this year that I actually had answers for/most confident of passing (btw I have failed every single one of the previous quizzes). And though honestly the csc test questions that came out were not the ones I prepared for/I don't think I can pass this first time, I realized that I actually enjoy/love reading all the current affairs/ issues and absorbing all that content like a Sponge. (Except I would have enjoyed e process more if I started studying earlier/had more time) 

also I realized I really love how various lines and strokes can form a word and how those words from sentences and phrases. Chinese is just different- the words themselves feel like art to me hahahaha(:

Anw. 70pages of Chinese in 2 days really was a major underestimation on my part. But I won't forget the afternoon spent in TianTang/Chill with huix boo and cole last min mugging and laughing till my stomach hurt from heaven to chill hahahah xD 

I wish for more of these times to come, the 3 of them really make life so much more exciting and colourful for me (: (actually gossip aunties but b wasn't with us because yeah) ((actually A12))

The biggest joke was that this paper was one of the rare few times where I suddenly started and couldn't stop laughing. My chair and table were shaking cos I was trying hard to contain my laughter (sorry boo sorry huix) ((why I don't like LTs/seating in rows/ being connected to the whole row)) idek why I laughed hahaha so it was pretty lame and joke and looking back I don't even think I have the chance to pass now but. 

The process was extra memorable and defining. That's exactly what I wanted/how I want my college life to be(: 

There's also band, which I'd been struggling with ever since jaes entered/I officially joined. Today, most burdens dropped! I realized over the course of this week that I no longer am struggling. Today's prac was really enjoyable. I'm really thankful for the ensemble I'm in (though I don't know how it happened/whether they chose me or what/how I ended up in this ensemble)  that let me start practicing more than I have in months/be useful, have less of an urge to pon band, and to give me somewhere to belong to. Also grateful because somehow, in God's plans...

Guess who's gonna start learning a new instrument next week! (~:

This girl is more excited than she can ever express in words xD  

Cos the newcomer quit and they're short. And because I'm part of the section so. Anticipate (-: 

Also grateful for yepmam esp teow and lily and sometimes yap and nana too for having given me more attention/love/patience than they ever did in NYCB and for letting me feel less awkz/don't wanna leave so badly. Really love them alot (: (and I don't usually confess my love publicly) 

So. The major lesson learnt is that life is all about perspective. (-: 

2. The Nostalgia

Another reason why today was a great day was cos we played our piece for Arts Feste and I enjoyed it so much, that it brought back a large amount of passion and feels for band. 

Although we'll only be performing one piece in the whole concert, do come watch ArtsFeste (if not for all the cool cca performances, at least for band that i can assure you will be satisfactory/worth it)! Yup.

And bassoon parts are so pathetic to the extent that ry and I started making jokes outta them/added secret parts (since no one can hear us anw Hahahah) and doing other joke things BUT! The piece is such a happy song that I really felt so happy playing the song/swaying along with te music despite not playing much(: the happy music rlly made my day!

On the way home I was listening to recordings of the song on looplooploop and suddenly a lot of feels came back from my past and all that soppy nonsense and idk why I started tearing up on the Bus/couldn't rlly stop for a while. Not like I was crying but the tears were flowing out and I felt reallyreally awkward/like laughing at myself but I couldn't. Thank God for (my favourite) empty double decker buses.

I guess my past is still something I secretly carry with me, though sometimes it may seem like I already let it go~ let it go~~ can't hold it back anymore~~~. 

I miss yepmam, and making music/playing all those cool sexy band music in Nycb with mschong, I miss Totoro and the lamer but sweet/happy music with mrlim. I miss staying back till 8+ (The time I left school today) for meetings with yepmam in the quadrangle and all sorts of places and heading to teaparty afterwards for our weekly/veryfrequent dinners.

There are more things I miss about nanyang than anyone prolly hears me talking about, (band is just one aspect) partly because I know that im already in hc and there's no point looking back at what's passed, and partly cos well maybe, just maybe, I'm that bit scared of getting emotional and soppy xD 

I miss many things/people from last year and before, so much so that even while knowing that the things won't happen again/people won't come back anymore/ nothing can return to the past, the feeling doesn't go away. 

3. The Pragmatic, Faultless World

It's been days of people from council/frisbee saying hi at random times and not-so-simply walking past me at other random times. For some, i guess it's the company that matters- when they see you with someone they'd like to associate with, it's an enthusiastic HI!

And when it's just you and te other person, the person catches your eye and immediately avoids, haha. That being said, there are still some random/totally unexpected people who will always say hi and acknowledge you when y'all meet, like this super scary looking frisbee senior (wh) that never acknowledged me during trainings last time and still always says hi now. 

Still, for others/most, you're simply just not worth the acknowledgement that 'hey I actually know you, we've actually done and been through stuff together before' 

But this is society, and it's not at fault for being the way it is.

The only person that can be blamed is,

Me, for being such a 

Loser. xD 

Just feels pretty funny. And awkward.

I don't have a choice but to smile and wave because I am a loser that didn't get to become a part of those people (whether or not I currently even want to be a part of them now) so as part of society i should wave and smile at those winners and be veryvery happy to see them. And when at those times they decide to look away, I will just continue smiling like nothing is wrong. 

And I just realized that this does not only happen w council and frisbee ppl heh. Nvm xD

4. The Politics  

I wonder if there's anywhere in this world that has no politics. That's one of the reasons why I don't think being an international relations officer is still my dream any longer. In sec3/4, I wanted to become an international relations officer/work at MFA because I wanted to link sgp to the world and make friends with all the countries, to make good and happy relations. Like the world was a big family and we would all be happy tgt. But J1 csc lessons have made me realize that in this world, at least between nations, there isn't such a thing as true friendship, but relationships of politics and benefits. We only make relations cos they would help our country, and all those happy good friendship thingums that I had wanted to join MFA for are nothing but my lame dumb immature thinking. 

5. The Priorities

Gotta reprioritise my life because my life is kinda in a mess so what I'm thinking of now

1. God

2. Family

3. Studies 

4. Piano 

5. Friends 

6. Band

7. Health

(8. What you think hahahahaha jk) 

6. The Links

These are links that I found really really really meaningful/ got me thinking. You can read them in your free time (: the last post on what students really need to hear was the most impactful

Credits to the fellow bloggers who inspired me with these links (: hope y'all don't mind me sharing! 

http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/5267023

news.distractify.com/people/this-man-will-make-you-shut-off-your-phone-and-talk-to-a-stranger-with-one-powerful-poem/?v=1

thoughtcatalog.com/kovie-biakolo/2013/09/what-we-learn-from-old-friends/

affectiveliving.wordpress.com/2014/03/08/what-students-really-need-to-hear/

Saudade: 

The recollection of feelings, experiences, places or events that once brought excitement, pleasure, well-being, which now triggers the senses and makes one live again. It can be described as an emptiness, like someone or something that should be there in a particular moment is missing, and the individual feels this absence. It brings sad and happy feelings all together, sadness for missing and happiness for having experienced the feeling.