6/5 Withershins
Wednesday, May 7, 2014 | 5/07/2014 12:32:00 AM | 0 comments
It's been about 2 weeks and I'm starting to put words together againMany things have happened these 2 weeks that I want to talk about
But they've escaped into the not-so-blackhole of unpublished drafts that I will prolly never get down to publishing after all.
(Wow it feels nice to talk again. Or type for the matter.)
Yet it's pretty negative emotions that are bringing me back here
1. I was feeling pretty angst cos of a supposedly respected figure today, and boy, I must say that it really does take uncanning ability for an authoritative figure to make me go from being respectful to losing respect to getting annoyed
I respect your personal opinions and whatever insights your wise experienced head might be filled with after having been through such an exciting (/sad) childhood of revolutions and propaganda
But I really wish you would stop your nonsensical, insulting ramblings to students cos it's so unprofessional.
I wouldn't say that I absolutely love my gvt ttm, or that my religion (from a lesson long long ago) is so sacred that it cannot be critiqued on/judged
But I respect my gvt a lot, and I firmly believe that they are here to do the best for our country/the best is being done by the cream of the crop of our country already, so even if there may be room for improvement, they do not deserve to be mocked at, esp not by you, who aren't even a local. You literally made me see Red.
There was a pretty high level of repulsion and angst I felt throughout the lesson, but after e lesson, cole chided/told me to chill and asked why I let myself be so affected by this person who says things without thinking/tries too hard to make unfunny jokes.
Then I felt abit of a joke myself for having reacted so strongly. I really need to learn to control my reaction to horrible circumstances better/have more tolerance for pain.
Which, btw brings me to the point that I have finally, after being misleaded for 8 years, realized how low my tolerance level (for pain, or anything and everything) is. Since 8, practically everyone I meet would praise me for being "brave" and able to prick/ jab myself many times everyday.
But I fell. Last week. Pretty embarrassingly. (Actually some people are more amused by the fact that it doesn't happen more frequently) I don't know how it happened, even till now- it was just me and huix chatting and walking back fr high school canteen, then suddenly I was on the ground.
At first, I was mostly so embarrassed/awkward/tickled that I only laughed. Even during the two times that the staff treated my wound/changed dressings, I couldn't stop laughing.
But I learnt an important lesson from this fall: many a times, falling down isn't the issue/pain- cleaning up and healing is.
Really thankful for the dad who 无微不至 地 took care of my wound the whole week. Except he went overseas today and insisted that I keep it covered for a few more days so I was left to dress my own (recovering) wound which ended up coming apart/falling out before lessons ended. Ahem.
Okay my next point.
2. I was watching the news on tv-
Thailand: earthquake
Thailand: political crisis (their leader is in trouble+protests)
Korea: railway accident. sunken ship with bodies still missing
Msia/China: MH370 still missing
China: stabbings/killings of innocent people again
Ukraine: civil unrest/ war
Middle East/Indonesia: crazy respiratory disease killing people rapidly/ first suspected case after death
And then I scrolled through twitter/FB:
"Morning, sweating. Afternoon, sweat again. At night, still sweating. Sometimes it's so tough being a Singaporean"
"Life sucks. Sgp is so suffocating."
not excluding myself- since ytd night, i'd been bugging my mom to not go to school, with excuses like "I'm tired", "I have a lot of hw to catch up on", "school/education is mentally exhausting", "some lessons are really useless."
To which my mom simply, coolly, responded "don't be a coward"
And I'm thankful for what she said now, cos other than that last lesson of the day, school really was not that bad after all today.
I wouldn't classify now as a negative moment actually, it was just overwhelming emotions from ^ (2.) that made me realize how much there is in life to be thankful for, and how little I give thanks for life.
And I was reminded of an important lesson: my country, my school, my becoming-the-sea/cliqueing class, my pretty scary cca, my family, my life- may not be perfect, but this world isn't; nothing in the world is.
I often forget that the little, simple things in life are actually luxuries to many many people.
I recently read in Time or somewhere that Half of the world (3billion?) live on less than $2.50/ day, not to add on their living conditions, possible unrestful societies and instability in country, making me feel guilty and spoilt.
More often than not, I complain and whine about the most insignificant things ever.
I've got to learn to be more appreciative a person and open my eyes widerrrrrrrrrr.
If I can't appreciate, at the very least my tolerance level for things should be aimed wayyyyy higher.
It's week 7, a terribly imperfect week. But I will strive to see the goodness in this meaningful week that God has blessed me with and live (or at least survive) the rest of this week with oomph.
Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass; it's about learning to dance in the rain.
