24/5 solivagant (published 2/6)
Saturday, May 24, 2014 | 5/24/2014 09:10:00 AM | 0 comments
Hello!Suddenly felt like blogging but there are so many things to say that idrk what to say. xD
There will be many many many pics in this post yupz. I know some ppl don't like. But I like :p
Many things have happened recently, or maybe everything started last Saturday, exactly one week before.
The family is going through a lot together now, but closer than before, stronger and firm. We are all trying our best to do our part and make things work. The late night happenings that I don't think I would ever forget. It's true that money really can't buy happiness. We have a lot now, way more than we need. I give thanks because God has blessed my family sufficiently materialistically, maybe too much, though to society, it's prolly too little. (But I've also learnt that to society, nothing will ever be enough- ever.) it's time we refocused and work towards happiness and the intangible things in life.
So despite everything's that happening rn, I trust in God to lead us through, one day all this will be the past. I choose to believe and tell y'all that
all is, and will be well.
The key event of last Sunday was our ensem cip at nuh. It was a really memorable experience and I would never forget that van ride there with all the instruments hahahha xD felt pretty sad afterwards cos it was our first and only and last time performing together and I had serious post-ensem blues the rest of the night. But I decided to look on the bright side and be happy: don't cry because it's over; smile because it happened.
Didnt go to school on Monday because I was drenched on Sunday and had a terrible migraine that didn't go away from Sunday night to Monday. Adding on the fatigue from the hectic and crazy weekend with all te happenings, my parents decided I needed a day to rest at home in peace and silence.
So I stayed at home and slept 4 times and didn't attempt to sort out my thoughts or anything but did work and sleep.
Wednesday was a sad yet happy day cos it was Arts Feste, the last perf w seniors. It was a bad day cos more than one senior cried- not because they were sad that it was their last performance.
It was a bad day because the concert was not well-publicized/terribly publicized and they made most performing arts groups/a few hundred ppl perform in a 1/3 filled auditorium. Some people were pissed and felt like it was a waste of their time. Some people treated it as a joke and kept laughing. I wasn't feeling very good but I believed and told myself/a few ppl that "even if there is only 1 person sitting there, we should play properly and with our hearts."
But that audience nonsense wasn't what made me sad
It was the fact that that was my last performance with the seniors and nothing much felt right or even was right.
I went home feeling sad and went to sleep without touching history. I set 7 alarms to wake up at 3am but my phone which died and I forgot to turn it on, didn't ring at all.
So yes I happily slept through the night and had 30pages of history to finish in an hour or two for the SEA history test on Thursday.
Don't think I'm gonna pass hahaha but sigh right now it's over and I honestly cnnt do anything about it so yes why not justttt be happyy~ we can alllll be happy~~ xD
Ytd was home based learning which felt both like a joke and a nuisance at the same time- here's a sneakpeak of the secret convo that went on in my head:
"Normal Fridays only have 4 lessons but home based learning every subject also have hw the school so bad I rather not have hbl zzz"
"Maybe it's cos they think we can be much more productive at home (:"
"Then I go to school for what"
And at that moment I couldn't answer myself.
But now when I'm thinkin properly, I can. Its to mix with society and live a life and be around friends and be happy and learn from actual teachers and yeahhhh I actually like school still even though I have no friends now or few in class and fewer in cca because school gives me a sense of order and this thing called order is something I really need now in all these chaos.
But honestly yes I'm really becoming an outcast because in class and cca I'm always excluded and some part of me is screaming for me to do sth but some part of me is so tired of trying to fit in.
It was pretty disappointing to find out last Saturday (the same weekend that all the family nonsense started) that a huge clique/bigger than clique/gang HAHAHA secretly existed in our class because id been previously telling everyone that my class is inclusive and everything hahahahahahahha I feel like a joke myself now okay let's move on
So has yepmam and the way we are together but disintegrated.
3 of the 5 of us who are in band have successfully integrated into the big band family and cos I'm someone who hides behind myself and my seniors, for some reason I haven't really felt the sense of belonging to my batch though I actually really like everyone.
And some of them (like the 3) who are more fortunate to have better social skills have alr integrated w the batch and started to organize things (2 in fact) without including the rest and we only find out after the event has happened and pictures are up.
I mean none of these people have any obligation to make us feel included or even actually include us and none of them are at fault cos I'm the loser here and I've alr accepted it since um longago but i felt an unknown sense of betrayal idek why hahaha so I secretly get angry with myself a lot recently because I'm pretty much an over sensitive loser.
And because of ^, I'm really sad that my seniors are leaving next Friday. Esp c and ry and the ensem seniors (actually just dq maybe cy).
And on Thursday my favourite teacher told us that she's leaving (and giving us to turtle who I'm honestly afraid I would fail under) which made me for the first time this year cry publicly. (Thanks zh and jr for being there (': and lame zh for making me laugh )
And a huge wave of goodbyes are coming my way and will probably wipe me out hahaha
Don't know what to say anymore so pics shall do the job
