I've been feeling so exhausted and waiting for tonight for forever so that i can finally sleep

Yet now for some reason I can'tttttt I'm feeling a crazy mix of emotions like overjoyed, guilty, nervous and excited.

 

I was feeling so happy over ares' victory

and watching every single ares video I could get my hands on (even if e quality was like poopoo) 

Then I watched te other facs' dances and am feeling really bad/lousy right now.

I dun think saying sorry is the right thing to say/ has any use 

And idw to feel like our fac didn't deserve it because we worked so hard for this (not incl me) 

But I really don't like competition 

I don't like fighting

I don't like having to fight for a winner

And I don't know how to describe this to anyone.

I don't feel good being the only winner.

I don't feel good seeing other facs with awesome dances lose out just because some people (who IMO, are in no position to judge the worth of sweat, tears, time) think that the 2min end results are not as nice.

I don't feel good being compared with other facs- I mean, none of e dances were in any way the same, so I'm not sure if anyone even has e right to compare/say who is better.

Wait.

I'm not saying ares isn't good (gosh where is this going) I love ares so much so so so much and I think we're super duper extra overfabulous. But.

I really liked Athena's music. it's the kind I like dancing to. I like the phrase "we work hard, play hard". And watching ppl like yj aka 又是你 dance with smuch conviction felt nice and impressive.

I liked Artemis' wolf-y moves because I like wolves. I enjoyed watching my usually lol-idk-him senior lead the dance and seeing all his super duper sharp and nice moves/ a side of him I don't usually see, then feeling so proud cos he's my senior.

I liked Apollo's lights.

I liked Ares' centipede (the effect seen in the vids looks so amazing) and our "party on my level whoa oh ... ...." part because that was the only part of music that I like.

 

Went home/walked to busstop w Ashley and she said something along the lines of "actually the other facs really danced dam well this year too. (I agreed) And sounds weird but yknow I could feel ares tension from 3rd floor? Like other facs seemed so happy and radiating joy and enthusiasm (esp Athena) but you guys just looked really tense and scared." 

So I told her bout our eventful terraces talk by faccomm. 

家家有本难念的经. As much as we won again (For the 7th time in 9), we've been scolded a lot Cos I guess some people really were quite complacent and arrogant + nua and unserious. Before we stopped rehearsing to eat dinner, someone came and scolded us really really badly that some ppl just started crying and I was just trying to control my emotions cos the words really were extra sharp. Then the food we ordered didn't come and things were messy, wrong, tense and scary. Then shuning (our senior ctrep) came while 3 of us were eating w e class assigned to adopt us for dinner and told us it's okay and I just teared up (but I didn't Cry and I wasn't Sad.)

Yeah. But after dinner, everyone pulled up our socks and the seniors were supersuper motivating and encouraging.

I don't think it's their fault for scolding us cos I can imagine them and all the pressure on them to make us dance well and not let other seniors/the faculty down. Plus we really weren't performing to the best of our abilities at that moment which is why yeah maybe we did deserve all the scolding. 

Okay idk why I decided to let out the ugly incident that happened to us but maybe I just wanna say that sometimes things aren't as simple as they look- behind winning was so much drilling and scoldings (looking back, everything was worth it, but I'm not sure if i enjoyed the actual process then) and indirectly adds more pressure for next year's faccomm again.

Okay tmr's Wanderlust super excited!! But gotta get up at 7.30 to prepare everything so I just wanna thank God again cos as much as I feel abit lost and bad after reflecting and thinking through things now, I am so happy and thankful that today happened. Truly thankful. I really enjoyed myself(: 

One last event tmr, before I have to close the Fun door/ turn off the Play mode and start to focus on studies. As the sissy said ytd before she flew to Taiwan to play, "hell has just begun for you." 

I can do this.

I've been feeling so exhausted and waiting for tonight for forever so that i can finally sleep

Yet now for some reason I can'tttttt I'm feeling a crazy mix of emotions like overjoyed, guilty, nervous and excited.

 

I was feeling so happy over ares' victory

and watching every single ares video I could get my hands on (even if e quality was like poopoo) 

Then I watched te other facs' dances and am feeling really bad/lousy right now.

I dun think saying sorry is the right thing to say/ has any use 

And idw to feel like our fac didn't deserve it because we worked so hard for this (not incl me) 

But I really don't like competition 

I don't like fighting

I don't like having to fight for a winner

And I don't know how to describe this to anyone.

I don't feel good being the only winner.

I don't feel good seeing other facs with awesome dances lose out just because some people (who IMO, are in no position to judge the worth of sweat, tears, time) think that the 2min end results are not as nice.

I don't feel good being compared with other facs- I mean, none of e dances were in any way the same, so I'm not sure if anyone even has e right to compare/say who is better.

Wait.

I'm not saying ares isn't good (gosh where is this going) I love ares so much so so so much and I think we're super duper extra overfabulous. But.

I really liked Athena's music. it's the kind I like dancing to. I like the phrase "we work hard, play hard". And watching ppl like yj aka 又是你 dance with smuch conviction felt nice and impressive.

I liked Artemis' wolf-y moves because I like wolves. I enjoyed watching my usually lol-idk-him senior lead the dance and seeing all his super duper sharp and nice moves/ a side of him I don't usually see, then feeling so proud cos he's my senior.

I liked Apollo's lights.

I liked Ares' centipede (the effect seen in the vids looks so amazing) and our "party on my level whoa oh ... ...." part because that was the only part of music that I like.

 

Went home/walked to busstop w Ashley and she said something along the lines of "actually the other facs really danced dam well this year too. (I agreed) And sounds weird but yknow I could feel ares tension from 3rd floor? Like other facs seemed so happy and radiating joy and enthusiasm (esp Athena) but you guys just looked really tense and scared." 

So I told her bout our eventful terraces talk by faccomm. 

家家有本难念的经. As much as we won again (For the 7th time in 9), we've been scolded a lot Cos I guess some people really were quite complacent and arrogant + nua and unserious. Before we stopped rehearsing to eat dinner, someone came and scolded us really really badly that some ppl just started crying and I was just trying to control my emotions cos the words really were extra sharp. Then the food we ordered didn't come and things were messy, wrong, tense and scary. Then shuning (our senior ctrep) came while 3 of us were eating w e class assigned to adopt us for dinner and told us it's okay and I just teared up (but I didn't Cry and I wasn't Sad.)

Yeah. But after dinner, everyone pulled up our socks and the seniors were supersuper motivating and encouraging.

I don't think it's their fault for scolding us cos I can imagine them and all the pressure on them to make us dance well and not let other seniors/the faculty down. Plus we really weren't performing to the best of our abilities at that moment which is why yeah maybe we did deserve all the scolding. 

Okay idk why I decided to let out the ugly incident that happened to us but maybe I just wanna say that sometimes things aren't as simple as they look- behind winning was so much drilling and scoldings (looking back, everything was worth it, but I'm not sure if i enjoyed the actual process then) and indirectly adds more pressure for next year's faccomm again.

Okay tmr's Wanderlust super excited!! But gotta get up at 7.30 to prepare everything so I just wanna thank God again cos as much as I feel abit lost and bad after reflecting and thinking through things now, I am so happy and thankful that today happened. Truly thankful. I really enjoyed myself(: 

One last event tmr, before I have to close the Fun door/ turn off the Play mode and start to focus on studies. As the sissy said ytd before she flew to Taiwan to play, "hell has just begun for you." 

I can do this.