11.41pm
im here because i feel emotionally sick
and really really scared/worried/anxious/...scared for tomorrow.
well, on tuesday, mom told me dad and her wanted me to play for main service tomorrow.
i didnt take them seriously, not at all.
until i was brought/dragged to rehearsal this morning at 9.30am (ps i slept at 3 ytd/ pps 5am night before and 4.30am night night before and 3am night night night before)
well it was kinda fun playing w e whole band like being a pianist with a drummer guitarist and keyboardist feels cool
but i've never played as main service pianist before.
pianist for a few choir performances at main service, pianist for 6 years at youth service- yes
not at main service
and im not familiar with all the preludes and routine songs/ hymns because im not good at playing hymns to begin with.
anyways, its gonna be my first time tomorrow and i feel really really really worried and anxious
im scared that people will judge me (thats what this place feels like to me now currently no off/dont misunderstand)
im scared i will make mistakes and embarrass myself like i do a lot of times
while practicing just now the mom kept commenting and telling me how badly i was playing and i was getting really really stressed and kindof lost my temper like i went "both of you are the ones who asked me to play in the first place when im not even keen/feel ready for this and yet none of you have any confidence in me, then why do you ask me to play in the first place" something along those lines and i told the sissy i felt like i was about to burst into tears because this whole thing is stressing me out more than i would like it too and she picked up her guitar to play along with me and Dropped her Pick inTo the piano/through the small gaps between the keys/unretrievable as of now and Pissed the mom off
well the thing is, its not only this that is making me so freaked out about tomorrow

my mom, after discussing w ms low, called mslow's teacher at like 8pm, and he said he would like to meet me for an audition after my mom told him about me. TOMORROW.
i haven't touched the piano in dayssss (except thurs during piano lesson) because of lunwen and it means i haven't been practicing for 3weeks cos of Europe
i feel scared and worried because i haven't played for a stranger in 1000years, in fact not even anyone who isn't my family/teacher for a long time and its making my stomach Churn
as in.
i know that there's no point worrying and blah and i trust/know that God will lead me through tomorrow but my pretty good day/3daysstreak of tiggermood kinda Crashed
i guess lunwen for the past few days was already a load for me and when i finally got done with it last night, when today 2 more loads got dropped on me it crushed my mood
i wouldn't have bothered much about this irrational fear/worry thing if not for the fact that i think its making me actually feel sick like i had migraine and felt nauseous the whole night (or maybe i just ate too much during e buffet today)
this feels so aa and sissy lol sigh aiya wtv idccccccccccccccccccccccccccccc
plus yenyenjiejie edited lunwen again and im gonna have to look through it again/edit/email jils again before going to sleep
and my helper is going home tomorrow ahhhh S.A.D plus my (pretty spoilt) family is (pretty much) unable to survive without her for 2 weeks and my family keeps telling me that in the "duty roster" they're making, im in charge of washing the Toilets.
i really feel like crying now

i feel like watching runningman cos they make me laugh and laugh and laugh and make me feel better but i know i can't because i need energy for tomorrow and i think e lackof sleep makes me unable to concentrate/think properly like that night my brain suddenly stopped working at 2am and i aimlessly scrolled through websites till 4+ without realising it right? today after prac-ing piano before i jabbed/did devotion/blogged i suddenly started folding paper stars for i think ~30mins when i havent touched them in YEARZZZZZZZZ/since prischool then i suddenly realized what i was doing and stopped LOL (omg shit this sounds crazy)
im not crazy okay i think i just need more sleep im gonna go sleep now
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MiL EniledA.
an average 14-year old;
Wishes come true on 30 Jan;
Taonannite 2006-2009, BiCEPer 2007-2009, NYgirl 2010-2011;
adeline30197@hotmail.com.

Wants.
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11.41pm
im here because i feel emotionally sick
and really really scared/worried/anxious/...scared for tomorrow.
well, on tuesday, mom told me dad and her wanted me to play for main service tomorrow.
i didnt take them seriously, not at all.
until i was brought/dragged to rehearsal this morning at 9.30am (ps i slept at 3 ytd/ pps 5am night before and 4.30am night night before and 3am night night night before)
well it was kinda fun playing w e whole band like being a pianist with a drummer guitarist and keyboardist feels cool
but i've never played as main service pianist before.
pianist for a few choir performances at main service, pianist for 6 years at youth service- yes
not at main service
and im not familiar with all the preludes and routine songs/ hymns because im not good at playing hymns to begin with.
anyways, its gonna be my first time tomorrow and i feel really really really worried and anxious
im scared that people will judge me (thats what this place feels like to me now currently no off/dont misunderstand)
im scared i will make mistakes and embarrass myself like i do a lot of times
while practicing just now the mom kept commenting and telling me how badly i was playing and i was getting really really stressed and kindof lost my temper like i went "both of you are the ones who asked me to play in the first place when im not even keen/feel ready for this and yet none of you have any confidence in me, then why do you ask me to play in the first place" something along those lines and i told the sissy i felt like i was about to burst into tears because this whole thing is stressing me out more than i would like it too and she picked up her guitar to play along with me and Dropped her Pick inTo the piano/through the small gaps between the keys/unretrievable as of now and Pissed the mom off
well the thing is, its not only this that is making me so freaked out about tomorrow

my mom, after discussing w ms low, called mslow's teacher at like 8pm, and he said he would like to meet me for an audition after my mom told him about me. TOMORROW.
i haven't touched the piano in dayssss (except thurs during piano lesson) because of lunwen and it means i haven't been practicing for 3weeks cos of Europe
i feel scared and worried because i haven't played for a stranger in 1000years, in fact not even anyone who isn't my family/teacher for a long time and its making my stomach Churn
as in.
i know that there's no point worrying and blah and i trust/know that God will lead me through tomorrow but my pretty good day/3daysstreak of tiggermood kinda Crashed
i guess lunwen for the past few days was already a load for me and when i finally got done with it last night, when today 2 more loads got dropped on me it crushed my mood
i wouldn't have bothered much about this irrational fear/worry thing if not for the fact that i think its making me actually feel sick like i had migraine and felt nauseous the whole night (or maybe i just ate too much during e buffet today)
this feels so aa and sissy lol sigh aiya wtv idccccccccccccccccccccccccccccc
plus yenyenjiejie edited lunwen again and im gonna have to look through it again/edit/email jils again before going to sleep
and my helper is going home tomorrow ahhhh S.A.D plus my (pretty spoilt) family is (pretty much) unable to survive without her for 2 weeks and my family keeps telling me that in the "duty roster" they're making, im in charge of washing the Toilets.
i really feel like crying now

i feel like watching runningman cos they make me laugh and laugh and laugh and make me feel better but i know i can't because i need energy for tomorrow and i think e lackof sleep makes me unable to concentrate/think properly like that night my brain suddenly stopped working at 2am and i aimlessly scrolled through websites till 4+ without realising it right? today after prac-ing piano before i jabbed/did devotion/blogged i suddenly started folding paper stars for i think ~30mins when i havent touched them in YEARZZZZZZZZ/since prischool then i suddenly realized what i was doing and stopped LOL (omg shit this sounds crazy)
im not crazy okay i think i just need more sleep im gonna go sleep now
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