10.35pm
Lesson of the day: Treat everyone with politeness, even those who are rude to you- not because they are nice, but because you are.

feeling reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeally awfneuihnajfnakjnfwkljfnkladjniuhgkjankjnfsawful
oh goodness.
i was suffocating.
feeling better alr.
i went to talk to a closer friend.
i just said hi.
the friend replied immediately and none of us said anything substantial but i felt better immediately.
i really do know the difference between an acquaintance, friend and a closerfriend now.
okay let me breathe and let things out slowly.

the whole morning-afternoon was spent trying to upload china2012 pics.
i failed like 3X and afterwhich i gave up
i mean, try uploading ~700 pics at e same time thrice and still failing.
but im doing it again now cos roo suggested doing it slowly batch by batch.
actually there isnt even any need to upload the photos.
i can still view the memories.
i was thinking that if the pics dont go up, its just others who wont get to see it.
if the pics went up, it will be part of my life and memories in the virtual world, and hopefully it would relieve some of the others' memories after a year.
54 days spent togther in a foreign land. lets add the 15days in UK.
almost 70 days spent together. memories.
im not close to most of them. but even my not close to them is closer than people i've spent years getting to know.

i watched a movie in the afternoon though i had to do 100000001 things because i was feeling really funny. idk why/how to explain either.
then i prac-ed piano.
then we went out for dinner
then im working on my programme notes for Debussy's Pour le Piano: Sarabande
after which i have to try to rush out the family's info sheet for the places we're gonna visit.

tmr's gonna be such a long day.

i wanted to talk about a lot a lot of things but now i just decided to forget it so okay i'll get back to work and forget about everything.

i freaking Hate how some people only approach and talk to you when they need a favour frm you
or when they want to find out things
its dam fake.
i rather not have these friends.
i mean sure, friends arent 24/7 with each other but when need each other should be there
but no, not like this.
im getting really sick and a little tired of opening up.
i have this strong urge to lock everything up again and return within my own walls.
im trying hard not to, i really am.
i hope things will get better soon. whatever's wrong with me will go.
i keep telling myself i should have more self worth and stop feeling lousy.
but sometimes its not me who makes me feel lousy.
so then i tell myself maybe people who make me feel lousy shouldnt actually even be in my life
afterwards i wonder if i am seeing myself too highly.
during the weekend, i was telling two of the closest people in my life that i felt invisible and that no one cared.
they said "it's not others who see you as invisible, you are the one who choose to make youself invisible. its not that no one cares, its you who don't allow anyone to."
it seems like everything's always me hahahahaha idk irdk is it really me what the hell am i supposed to do then huh bare my heart and soul to the world? idk roflmao

im lost,really lost lol. i dont get how ships work anymore. i dont get how anything does. im getting tired. tired of wanting people to talk to me but ignoring everyone when they do. tired of feeling like everytime i respond, i have to put up this super enthusiastic front.
i miss my comfy friends
mm will be back tomorrow and i cant wait but part of me feels so scared for god knows wht reason and its just this fear idk came from where which idk where to send away to.
and cindyyyyyy who is awkwardly comfy or comfortably awkward, who idk what to say to and idrw to say anything to.
and rooster who idk how to explain what im feeling now to
and the rest of my comfy friends arent really my comfy friends anymore i guess
sigh im gonna get back to work.
i'll take this nonsensical and over-negative post down soon
or maybe i wont.
URGH



God, will you be the best friend who knows and understands everything and will always be here?
Older Post | Newer Post

MiL EniledA.
an average 14-year old;
Wishes come true on 30 Jan;
Taonannite 2006-2009, BiCEPer 2007-2009, NYgirl 2010-2011;
adeline30197@hotmail.com.

Wants.
God. True Friends. Family. Love. Care. Health. Happiness. Simplicity. Peace. Everything to be okay.

Her Thoughts | Her Words | Friends | Friends | Friends

10.35pm
Lesson of the day: Treat everyone with politeness, even those who are rude to you- not because they are nice, but because you are.

feeling reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeally awfneuihnajfnakjnfwkljfnkladjniuhgkjankjnfsawful
oh goodness.
i was suffocating.
feeling better alr.
i went to talk to a closer friend.
i just said hi.
the friend replied immediately and none of us said anything substantial but i felt better immediately.
i really do know the difference between an acquaintance, friend and a closerfriend now.
okay let me breathe and let things out slowly.

the whole morning-afternoon was spent trying to upload china2012 pics.
i failed like 3X and afterwhich i gave up
i mean, try uploading ~700 pics at e same time thrice and still failing.
but im doing it again now cos roo suggested doing it slowly batch by batch.
actually there isnt even any need to upload the photos.
i can still view the memories.
i was thinking that if the pics dont go up, its just others who wont get to see it.
if the pics went up, it will be part of my life and memories in the virtual world, and hopefully it would relieve some of the others' memories after a year.
54 days spent togther in a foreign land. lets add the 15days in UK.
almost 70 days spent together. memories.
im not close to most of them. but even my not close to them is closer than people i've spent years getting to know.

i watched a movie in the afternoon though i had to do 100000001 things because i was feeling really funny. idk why/how to explain either.
then i prac-ed piano.
then we went out for dinner
then im working on my programme notes for Debussy's Pour le Piano: Sarabande
after which i have to try to rush out the family's info sheet for the places we're gonna visit.

tmr's gonna be such a long day.

i wanted to talk about a lot a lot of things but now i just decided to forget it so okay i'll get back to work and forget about everything.

i freaking Hate how some people only approach and talk to you when they need a favour frm you
or when they want to find out things
its dam fake.
i rather not have these friends.
i mean sure, friends arent 24/7 with each other but when need each other should be there
but no, not like this.
im getting really sick and a little tired of opening up.
i have this strong urge to lock everything up again and return within my own walls.
im trying hard not to, i really am.
i hope things will get better soon. whatever's wrong with me will go.
i keep telling myself i should have more self worth and stop feeling lousy.
but sometimes its not me who makes me feel lousy.
so then i tell myself maybe people who make me feel lousy shouldnt actually even be in my life
afterwards i wonder if i am seeing myself too highly.
during the weekend, i was telling two of the closest people in my life that i felt invisible and that no one cared.
they said "it's not others who see you as invisible, you are the one who choose to make youself invisible. its not that no one cares, its you who don't allow anyone to."
it seems like everything's always me hahahahaha idk irdk is it really me what the hell am i supposed to do then huh bare my heart and soul to the world? idk roflmao

im lost,really lost lol. i dont get how ships work anymore. i dont get how anything does. im getting tired. tired of wanting people to talk to me but ignoring everyone when they do. tired of feeling like everytime i respond, i have to put up this super enthusiastic front.
i miss my comfy friends
mm will be back tomorrow and i cant wait but part of me feels so scared for god knows wht reason and its just this fear idk came from where which idk where to send away to.
and cindyyyyyy who is awkwardly comfy or comfortably awkward, who idk what to say to and idrw to say anything to.
and rooster who idk how to explain what im feeling now to
and the rest of my comfy friends arent really my comfy friends anymore i guess
sigh im gonna get back to work.
i'll take this nonsensical and over-negative post down soon
or maybe i wont.
URGH



God, will you be the best friend who knows and understands everything and will always be here?
Older Post | Newer Post