Monday, June 3, 2013 | 6/03/2013 10:39:00 PM |
0 commentsSo annoyedddddddddddd
I was anticipating the whole trip
Until this came
Now I'm dreading it
I wanna go to the oxford dining hall place so badly
But I hate it
Hate it so much
Why the hell must we dress up
And I thought graces was freaking Bad enough for me
I hate it
Hate doing such things
They just ruin my mood
And whatever emotions i have turns negative
I hate looking at mirrors
Hate trying on anything
Hate taking pictures
And there are so many pretty dresses at home
But I Just Have to ruin them w my fats and ugliness
And I'm not in the best state to do all these cos I can't go 5 mins without starting a coughing fit
And while sleeping I think I pressed some nerve in my left forearm and now my left forearm freaking hurts throughout to my wrist like this horribly numb and stingy feeling which I can't explain to anyone nor have I told anyone
In fact I hate telling people when something hurts
In pri sch sometimes people hit you like friendly-ly supposedly
And you're like "ouch"
And people would go "you so fat like that also pain ah"
In sec2 the chest hurt so badly but after a while everyone stopped caring cos they think its just me
and now I just give up telling anyone
even when someone hits me in a friendly manner
even if something from the body hurts
even when others' words like knives or actions cut
Cos no one would understand that something might actually hurt beneath all these fats
These fats
I hate them
I want a slimming package
Because I've tried for years to go to gym when I had one
To run around the entire neighbourhood when I could afford the time/energy last 2 years
But no I'm still as fat as ever
As ugly as ever
And I Hate that fact
Not that Im blaming my parents or God or whatever
I've tried so freaking hard
And honestly I think people ve told me that I have a stamina better than some really skinny ppl who don't exercise at all
But so????
Nothing changes on the appearance.
People who look at you for a first impression
Or interact with you for 1 day
Or people like teachers or schoolmates who don't know you
Do they judge you by your character?
Not like my character is even good I think it's rotten ttm
I hate this
I want some slimming package
Or pills
I don't care how detrimental they are
It's not like my health was ever in a good condition
I'm angry
I'm so angry
So disgusted
Utterly disgusted
Completely disgusted
I can't even talk to anyone now because I'm in a such horrible mood
And I will just end up ruining someone else's mood
So it's just this white space and my heart
Where all the emotions will go down into.
And these words
Alphabets
Insignificant but every single one carries a little emotion
An emotion that I am unable to overcome
baobao
Optimism is a nice term for
Escaping
Not thinking about it
Self deceiving
I am trying to be optimistic.
I wont let those angry fat drops of water fall.
Its Good to be Fat.
Nothing hurts.
Nothing does.
No one will see anything.
I dont need anyone here.
I am okay.
I will be.
It doesnt hurt.
It doesnt matter.
Everything will be okay.
Older Post | Newer Post
