Sunday, June 30, 2013 | 6/30/2013 01:34:00 PM | 0 comments
this isnt targetted at anyonebut just meant for everyone.
no matter what has been said below,
don't worry
because i still have God
and i've learnt over the past few days that
His company and presence, is something i will never let go of again.
/
its times like this
when i see something like that
that all i wanna do is ask everyone to go away
just go!
no one's asking you to stay
no one asked you to fulfill anything
you are free.
如果友谊是一种负担
如果朋友做得那么辛苦
just go
get lost
scram
GO.
i dont need you
i dont need anyone
i Dont.
im not a true friend.
because i dont freaking know how to care for turtles who hide in their shells all day.
or at least those who hide from a monster like me.
im not good enough.
how can i ever be a good enough friend if you dont even let me be there for you.
if you dont let me even take a step in to wonder or find out whats wrong with you and let me at least be there.
i know how it feels to be afraid when someone special is there all the time, how it feels to fear that they will one day leave.
i know.
i know how much it hurts.
i do.
and so since a few years back when many people left simultaneously,
i swore that i would Never do that to anyone.
and i dont just swear.
im always here the thing is.
im just waiting for the people to ask.
because whenever i start asking or taking any initiative,
the response is always "im fine."
"there's nothing wrong."
the door just SLAMS on me.
of course im a failure
of course im a lousy friend
im not someone anyone wants to open up to.
im not someone that anyone sees even if im there.
im RIGHT HERE but no one sees me or thinks i am.
because there are barriers
BARRIERS ARE EVERYWHERE.
and im not good at overcoming them- at least definitely not, alone.
i wont be able to overcome any barrier or save any ship if i cant understand from the other sailor whats wrong
and im upset because i had to find out this problem through other means.
gdi
IH seems like a fantastic friend all of a sudden
we can at least analyse problems of china Together and work out some solution
i can show all the freaking Care i have bottled up and wrapped nicely meant for the whole world TO IH.
just go
if its so tortorous and unpleasant; if it kills
just go.
i wouldnt be happy if you're not.
so just go, and be happy.
i won't blame you because it's really not your fault at all.
i won't blame anyone for having walls although sometimes theyre irritating, because i myself have some and i know why they are there.
but as for me?
even if you leave, i'll still be here
so everyone can just forget about ever succeeding in ridding me or pushing me away
because the monster will still be here.
i want to save this
i really do
but if saving it means more torture for someone else
if saving anything means killing the people in my world
then can the people in my world just all leave
leave for a better planet that can satisfy all your needs
because this one is too lousy
this one one isn't good enough
this one cant meet your expectations too
this one will one day explode
to nothingness.
