1/6
Saturday, June 1, 2013 | 6/01/2013 09:47:00 AM | 0 comments
Cos there are so many waves inside that
I'm not sure i can express them in words
And those waves might just end up amplifying and become overwhelming instead of making me feel better
Tired
Tired that no one cares
Tired of feeling like that
Tired of caring
Tired of warring with self whether I should care or not
Tired of wondering if anyone would even bother
Tired of not knowing who will be there at your Funeral
Or even who will be there in less than a year's time when everyone goes to jc and Changes and all find a place they belong in while you won't belong anywhere
Tired of wondering if someone else has planned a spot for you in their futures- to keep in touch w you and not lose you
Tired of not knowing if anyone would miss you when you're gone or if you're even wanted there and then
Tired of scolding myself for being 自作多情
Tired of thinking so much and so far
Idw to think
Dw to care
It's really funny how
When someone cares for you
You don't care for them
Then when the person stops caring for you
You start to care
But it'd be too late I know
Cos I'm the someone and the you
Someone's care is never enough for you
Your care is never enough for someone
And you know how it feels to feel uncared for
But you just can't get yourself to care for that someone cos you're busy with others
Maybe now or maybe ever again
But that someone still cares for you
Because that someone's an idiot
And so are you
Lwh- overcome the power of human desires and learn to be contented- 知足
Drifting apart. With many people. Turned cold in reality. It hurts and i want to pull everyone back but instead I'm thinking whether I should just let go cos if the rubber band snaps I'll just hit myself again
Insta, Facebook
Pics of all the good food with good friends
If only I had the luxury-
The good food
Good company that wouldn't mind you not been able to talk coherently
People who would make time for you
A life outside school
the capablility of being good company
The comfort in silence instead of awkwardness
In 2 years, how many of those here and now would still meet up, still KiT?
Lwh-why think so far when you should just treasure now? Don't dream. Dreams make reality more harsh. Don't dream and you won't be disappointed. just know that if there are people who would do that in future, give thanks.
4 days
Unpacked luggage
Pics from gcp12 not even transferred to com
Wanna blog and update on Indonesia13
Homework and everything undone
And now it's at this stage where
I have so many things to do
That I can't force myself to stay awake to do them anymore and id just end up falling asleep so easily
But I look around at how superwomen work
And I find myself disgraceful-a failure.
Bt2 schedule alr out
Gasped so hard all the air rushed in and I started coughing
Phobia
Fear
Idk how I'm gonna do this
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Yet what am I still doing here
I can't get myself to work hard or diligently enough
No matter how much I put in from the start till now
It's never enough
I start thinking-if I put in so much effort to get this result which is possibly a result id get even w/o working hard, why?
Lwh- you cannot give up. Cannot think this way or you'll really fail.
It's Never enough
Why??
Then why should I even still Try?
Why?
Feel like I'm burnt out
Exhausted
From all the wars inside
What the heck's reality and what's perception?
Lwh- you think everyone else isn't? Stop whining and complaining. Look, it's the freaking holidays.
When will anything be enough
When will my care be enough for someone to care
When will my care be enough for someone who cares
When will someone's care be enough for me
When will someone's care make me care
When will efforts for work be enough
When will there be potential
When will the potential really show
When will I stop feeling so fearful of exams
When will an MSG of 1 be a good enough Aim rather than an msg of I-dont-freaking-know-what-the-heck-that-is when people are only satisfied with a 100/100 for every subject.
When will I be more 争气 and start to aim for an unrealistic 1 too like everyone else rather than my goal of 1.5
When will I be more realistic and see that that goal can't be achieved
When will I realize that I can achieve them
When will I actually be able to achieve them
When can these viscous cycles just stop
When can society be a less cynical place
When can humans just learn that there is ever an Enough
When can I learn that we never can be contented or we wouldn't develop
When can I stop wanting more
Disgusted
So disgusted with me
Where's the bed
Where's the work
Where's the fire exit door
1/6:
•Tpmc youth picnic
•Ptm
•MP-Youth dialogue
•YAY outing
