this is me ♔

14/5

Tuesday, May 14, 2013 | 5/14/2013 10:51:00 PM | 0 comments

Today started off pretty horribly

I was so so so grouchy

Cos I woke up at 1 to do shit that no one appreciated

And not being appreciated was fine but being blackfaced at/shown attitude to/deleted stuff/confused was Not

Then the whole bird shit thing made my mood a lil better cos it was hilarious

2 consecutive periods of soc sem wasn't exactly good. Not th people though. I was observing my tchr/her reactions/comments/judgements lol and feel like...I'm speechless.

To think she claims that she's a Christian when she acts like that but okay to think that I'm a Christian by the way i judge her oh damn.

But she's so.. Mean and Sinister and everything zzzzz

Bio prac sucked man like really I wasn't in the mood at all much less drawing I hate drawing at least I hate drawing plants or what shit

Thank God for a nice recess w yijie sherry qiu Chen and later on kwanyee

Assembly was abit..demoralizing LOL I cannot fathom how those questions are solvable much less within a minute dammit why am I such an idiot.

I think that was the expectations teachers had of me when I entered nanyang lol being the ge head's daughter

Surprise surprise! Got back im1 today and guess how shit I did.

Better than im2 but well.

I'm speechless at my own level of idiocy.

And when I said I did badly I actually Mean it oh wow fireworks how many people even mean what they say these days?

Sorry you can tell that I am grouchy and I mean it.

And I was actually tearing up

But not those kind of red red puffy eyes kind

Just tears that come out when you're tired kind

Yeah.

I'm tired.

Tired of doing so badly.

Tired of being the kind of person that care only to get cold shouldered.

Tired of putting in so much effort for things and people that don't matter

Tired of everything.

I was asking God while just stoning there between math/ih-

God why make me such a person, who loves to care for and run towards knives

That slash and cut whenever I go too near

I wanted to tell God that everything hurt

That I was so tired

That I didn't wanna sleep at 10 and wake at 3 anymore

Because that kinda lifestyle is sucking the life out of me

Thank God

He sent my angels to remind me

Thank you God for the berry friend

Who listened to my rant from morning and encouraged me and was there, and sent me that touching (but dam gay) text at night

Thank you God for the best friend

Who although was just kidding but made me feel so much better when she wanted to help me punch them up in e morn

Who makes me feel better once I see her

Who gives me some of the nicest hugs ever that make me feel like there is nothing wrong with this world

Thank you God for the loser lim

Who cares bout my feelings

Waited for me when I returned to class late after bio prac

Felt indignant for me

Knew I was grouchy

Made me laugh since the morning

Thank you God for the fantastic deskmate of 2 terms who im so so comfortable with who always makes things better for me because she doesn't whine about grades nor do anything and is patient with me + understanding, like knows how it feels to do badly

And makes me laugh by telling me how that whole big pool of bird shit that landed on her thigh made her feel like she got gold-good luck/at least her mood improved

Thank you God for the awesome 409 BSP scholars

Among which are some of my favorite people-l who make me feel good once I see them/hear their voices: coco, qianwei, roo esp

Thank you God for yepmam

Who I missed so much

And still miss now

For tolerating/accepting all my seriousness and crap

And playing along with me

Thank you God for my mom who offered to send me to school tmr after concluding that I look exhausted + I taught my bro today

Seeing these people alone nearly made me wanna cry cos I was so so so so grouchy the whole day I can't describe it

I'm thankful for these people

Someone who likes to comment on stuff once told me "you look like someone in need of love, not those kind of love love but just love in general."

True, I am not loved by many.