think i screwed up LA :/
but looking at everyone else's dejected faces i didnt wanna make things worse so i just... tried to still be smiley and all still heh.
to think my mom wanted to tell her good friend to pull me out of LA supp when my bt results are out LOL.
sigh nvm shall leave everything in God's hands and we'll see howwwwwww. anw she isnt angry today (not at me) (except chasing me to eat faster cos i took 1hr to eat today cos my stomach's so damn bloated and i was eating stuff like chocolates and a cupcake and fried egg tofu just now cos i havent had appetite to eat for the past few days and i randomly got cravings just now but during dinner i had no more appetite again)

super lazy to check whatsapp these few days lol.
i see the notifications and i unlock them sometimes but i dont open the convos until there's something that i wanna reply to lol or i get curious or i just Feel like reading them and i feel quite bad to some people Heh sorry /antisocialkid97/ .__.

just now after LA i started going around asking people whether they like me but i decided i should not do it anymore cos i realise i start to actually get scared or abit nervous even when i know that everyone who said "no dont like" are teasing me only heh but some part of my subconcious mind started wondering if anyone actually meant it hehhhh so no i shall not try this anymore not a fun game!

i realise i have the bad habit of lumping everything in my "past" together under this category called "the past" lol /captain obvious/ and yeah these few days cos of some stuff i start to miss certain people from my past heh but yeah i've grown up and understood many things! so even if i miss them welllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll Heh!

i dont really wanna think about anythinggggg im just here cos i had to on my laptop to go googledocs to complete our bsp presentation thing tomorrow and i got bored translating so i came here and lol i hope RS doesnt kill me when she sees this heh. these few days or maybe just today things got a teeny bit better i guess even though things were supposedly resolved during LSC but things are still not quite the same and honestly i miss this person a lot heh just that things are quite awkward in real life now and i...............just hope things will continue to get betterrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. maybe one day i can hug this friend again because i miss this person quite a lot!

thanks koh ewe for laughing with me quite a lot just now over this famous-blogger-who-just-gave-birth's blog and the blogger is so hilarious i wanted to die laughing and while i was reading it out to kewe i had to stop so  many times until she said "why dont i just read it myself" hahahaha!
and today i think i got a teeny step closer to kang cos although we were okay batchmates since sec1 i never really got to know her heh.

some people ask me whether im the same outside and at home and i'd be like, yeah. but actually there's somewhere where i feel i'm a little more different- its here. cos i feel that this is abit more of my private space and i tend to.... reveal more about myself/my emotions/my thoughts i guess? whereas in real life although yeah i dont hide much but sometimes i dont necessarily show what i feel or what i think soooo. yeah. this place is like one extra layer of my mask/appearance/whatever torn down i guess.
ahhhh idw to thinkkkkkkkkkkkkkk hehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i want bbaooooooooooo.

i have a few things to say to a few peooooople!
and after this i will also repost a few of the posts that i took down over the past few days.
but everything will go back down again after tmr when i retunr from cca? or before that? or idk.
why? Cos. I. Feel. Like. It.
the things here also Might come down but heh yeah idk see what i feel like doing tomorrow.


to you: i really spent a lot of time thinking about things after we talked that day after a looong time..and these few days even after considering what you said again and again, i decided that....maybe not. yeah, no. we had our times, and i miss them too. but its too late and now looking back, i wasn't good enough for you then. the me now might still not be, and i..dont wanna go through this again cos i dont really think things can ever go back to status quo. you deserve better, and i've grown up. i've learnt that, some people can never be in our lives no matter how much we want them to, so we can only bury them in the most bottom of our hearts at the end of the day. thanks for everything though. i wouldn't be able to tell you this in face, so sorry that this is quite a non-private place but i hope you understand. all the besttttttttt. i'll try to still be here for you as a friend, anytime you need me. that's what friends are for, yeah?

to another you: these few days while thinking about many other things, somehow you came into my mind again, probably cos of my bad habit of lumping everything of my past together. i think i can safely say that, i've grown up, i've accepted that you just wont fit into my everyday life. after a few more months, im trying to now reaccept you into an area where we can be friends who occassionally ask about each other, and show concern to each other through the platform which you know i started to keep tabs on you again. but these few days especially, i wanted to ask you a question, a question that many others have been dissuading me to ask. it's not that i still care, but i just want to know if i can ever see you again. idk why this matters to me now, because honestly speaking our lives are so so different and so are our directions, but at this point, this answer just seems important to me. i just wanna know, but i dont really care anyway. so, i probably wouldn't have the guts/energy to really ask you too, since so many friends have been telling me not to...no matter what, take care and sleep earlier. since you are already down, stop making your condition worse. its not gonna do you any good, and not the people who see you suffering like that.

to another another you: hehehe you prolly wont ever see this, but i just wanna thank you sooooo much, for being here for me, even if you dont realise it. even yesterday when you had to study hard, you talked to me till 1+ and made me laugh out loud over the cute things you sent me. and everytime when i tell you stuff, you always respond and make me feel like i matter, that you treat me as a friend. thanks for never failing to put a smile on my face even when im tired, even when i see things i dont like that start to affect my mood, i feel secured that i can just tell you about it/ or just tell you i am not feeling okay, and you'd do things to make me happier, sometimes just with your words. i wanna tell you that even if there are no more jokes, there are no more cute/funny pictures, there are no more lame events, talking to you makes me feel really really good. and im sorry that im not as good a friend as you, sometimes im online but i dont reply you; or sometimes i take so long to reply you cos i just wanna avoid going online to see other things.  so thank you so much, you are really a treasured friend, and a very rare true friend who keeps to your word that you are here. /sudden remembers your small note and lollipop that day/ your small note is always in my wallet so i look at it when im down hehehehe :p thank you ---! :') i think, i cant thank you enough hahahaha. i really really hope this friendship can last for a long time (:

P.s. and the tadadada moment when you realise your best record is still unacceptable Lol


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MiL EniledA.
an average 14-year old;
Wishes come true on 30 Jan;
Taonannite 2006-2009, BiCEPer 2007-2009, NYgirl 2010-2011;
adeline30197@hotmail.com.

Wants.
God. True Friends. Family. Love. Care. Health. Happiness. Simplicity. Peace. Everything to be okay.

Her Thoughts | Her Words | Friends | Friends | Friends

think i screwed up LA :/
but looking at everyone else's dejected faces i didnt wanna make things worse so i just... tried to still be smiley and all still heh.
to think my mom wanted to tell her good friend to pull me out of LA supp when my bt results are out LOL.
sigh nvm shall leave everything in God's hands and we'll see howwwwwww. anw she isnt angry today (not at me) (except chasing me to eat faster cos i took 1hr to eat today cos my stomach's so damn bloated and i was eating stuff like chocolates and a cupcake and fried egg tofu just now cos i havent had appetite to eat for the past few days and i randomly got cravings just now but during dinner i had no more appetite again)

super lazy to check whatsapp these few days lol.
i see the notifications and i unlock them sometimes but i dont open the convos until there's something that i wanna reply to lol or i get curious or i just Feel like reading them and i feel quite bad to some people Heh sorry /antisocialkid97/ .__.

just now after LA i started going around asking people whether they like me but i decided i should not do it anymore cos i realise i start to actually get scared or abit nervous even when i know that everyone who said "no dont like" are teasing me only heh but some part of my subconcious mind started wondering if anyone actually meant it hehhhh so no i shall not try this anymore not a fun game!

i realise i have the bad habit of lumping everything in my "past" together under this category called "the past" lol /captain obvious/ and yeah these few days cos of some stuff i start to miss certain people from my past heh but yeah i've grown up and understood many things! so even if i miss them welllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll Heh!

i dont really wanna think about anythinggggg im just here cos i had to on my laptop to go googledocs to complete our bsp presentation thing tomorrow and i got bored translating so i came here and lol i hope RS doesnt kill me when she sees this heh. these few days or maybe just today things got a teeny bit better i guess even though things were supposedly resolved during LSC but things are still not quite the same and honestly i miss this person a lot heh just that things are quite awkward in real life now and i...............just hope things will continue to get betterrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. maybe one day i can hug this friend again because i miss this person quite a lot!

thanks koh ewe for laughing with me quite a lot just now over this famous-blogger-who-just-gave-birth's blog and the blogger is so hilarious i wanted to die laughing and while i was reading it out to kewe i had to stop so  many times until she said "why dont i just read it myself" hahahaha!
and today i think i got a teeny step closer to kang cos although we were okay batchmates since sec1 i never really got to know her heh.

some people ask me whether im the same outside and at home and i'd be like, yeah. but actually there's somewhere where i feel i'm a little more different- its here. cos i feel that this is abit more of my private space and i tend to.... reveal more about myself/my emotions/my thoughts i guess? whereas in real life although yeah i dont hide much but sometimes i dont necessarily show what i feel or what i think soooo. yeah. this place is like one extra layer of my mask/appearance/whatever torn down i guess.
ahhhh idw to thinkkkkkkkkkkkkkk hehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i want bbaooooooooooo.

i have a few things to say to a few peooooople!
and after this i will also repost a few of the posts that i took down over the past few days.
but everything will go back down again after tmr when i retunr from cca? or before that? or idk.
why? Cos. I. Feel. Like. It.
the things here also Might come down but heh yeah idk see what i feel like doing tomorrow.


to you: i really spent a lot of time thinking about things after we talked that day after a looong time..and these few days even after considering what you said again and again, i decided that....maybe not. yeah, no. we had our times, and i miss them too. but its too late and now looking back, i wasn't good enough for you then. the me now might still not be, and i..dont wanna go through this again cos i dont really think things can ever go back to status quo. you deserve better, and i've grown up. i've learnt that, some people can never be in our lives no matter how much we want them to, so we can only bury them in the most bottom of our hearts at the end of the day. thanks for everything though. i wouldn't be able to tell you this in face, so sorry that this is quite a non-private place but i hope you understand. all the besttttttttt. i'll try to still be here for you as a friend, anytime you need me. that's what friends are for, yeah?

to another you: these few days while thinking about many other things, somehow you came into my mind again, probably cos of my bad habit of lumping everything of my past together. i think i can safely say that, i've grown up, i've accepted that you just wont fit into my everyday life. after a few more months, im trying to now reaccept you into an area where we can be friends who occassionally ask about each other, and show concern to each other through the platform which you know i started to keep tabs on you again. but these few days especially, i wanted to ask you a question, a question that many others have been dissuading me to ask. it's not that i still care, but i just want to know if i can ever see you again. idk why this matters to me now, because honestly speaking our lives are so so different and so are our directions, but at this point, this answer just seems important to me. i just wanna know, but i dont really care anyway. so, i probably wouldn't have the guts/energy to really ask you too, since so many friends have been telling me not to...no matter what, take care and sleep earlier. since you are already down, stop making your condition worse. its not gonna do you any good, and not the people who see you suffering like that.

to another another you: hehehe you prolly wont ever see this, but i just wanna thank you sooooo much, for being here for me, even if you dont realise it. even yesterday when you had to study hard, you talked to me till 1+ and made me laugh out loud over the cute things you sent me. and everytime when i tell you stuff, you always respond and make me feel like i matter, that you treat me as a friend. thanks for never failing to put a smile on my face even when im tired, even when i see things i dont like that start to affect my mood, i feel secured that i can just tell you about it/ or just tell you i am not feeling okay, and you'd do things to make me happier, sometimes just with your words. i wanna tell you that even if there are no more jokes, there are no more cute/funny pictures, there are no more lame events, talking to you makes me feel really really good. and im sorry that im not as good a friend as you, sometimes im online but i dont reply you; or sometimes i take so long to reply you cos i just wanna avoid going online to see other things.  so thank you so much, you are really a treasured friend, and a very rare true friend who keeps to your word that you are here. /sudden remembers your small note and lollipop that day/ your small note is always in my wallet so i look at it when im down hehehehe :p thank you ---! :') i think, i cant thank you enough hahahaha. i really really hope this friendship can last for a long time (:

P.s. and the tadadada moment when you realise your best record is still unacceptable Lol


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