15/4 (4.59pm)
Monday, April 15, 2013 | 4/15/2013 04:59:00 PM | 0 comments
Feeling quite overwhelmed after the papers Hehe
But idrk what to say
(Although I'm so talkative lol)
(But lol the whole class put me as introvert for the memory thing idek why)
Ahhhh idk why my papers turned out so screwed up sigh
Okay
Too late to cry or do anything though I'd love to.
Idk why but right now
I wish that I'm back in New Jersey
In uncle jj's house that face the sea
With all the 芦苇 (forgot what's it called in English)
Or even back in the Columbia hostel
With 3 bedrooms and all of us squeezed
And it's winter
And angel's in school, me and Ben are watching Disney channel on the king-sized bed that 3 of us share, while its snowing outside and the window pane's frosty and white. there're all my favourite shows like Wizards of Waverly Place Hannah Montanna, That's so Raven, Zack and Cody, running episode after episode, show after show.
Daddy is cooking his best dishes which he can't cook in Singapore cos he's too busy
Mommy is typing away her thesis papers
And asking me what books I wanna a order from amazon
And I pick all the good new books for $1.99
I miss my life there haha
I miss a carefree life
I wish I was in a resort
All alone, nvm if I feel lonely.
Just one person with a whole beach to myself, with a nice small hut that doesn't have to be so luxurious, jus comfortable.
I don't have to think about me, my life, my ships, the people I care about, my results, my future, my past, nothing.
I don't have to think about time, or how ugly I look, or how scared I am of losing people that I am starting to treasure a lot
Idk why hahaha
But right now,
I guess my bed looks like the best thing
The closest to my desires
Actually, I'm thankful.
Although my papers screwed up super badly, I have faith that God has his plans.
If I end up kicked out of ny
Or if I have no job cos I'm too dumb
God knows what he wants for me
He gave me so much peace such that I'm not crying away now
I feel calm inside haha
He gave me friends to make me laugh like mad during Chinese
And Su Laoshi who's some natural joker
He let me meet one friend who I dun see on a daily basis after school
And although idk why my friend would wanna meet me lol but I guess it felt nice
Because I actually was starting to miss my cca and everything about it, despite all the unpleasantries.
I'm thankful for the song we sang yesterday
One Thing Remains- Jesus Culture
Because it reminded me that when all fails, God's love won't.
And the melody is so nice
The rhythm is so strong it feels like that's my heart beating
Although these few days my vision keeps going blurry
Although these few days I actually started to get scared of going blind
And wondering what would happen to an alr ugly me if I can't see anything pretty for the rest of my life
although these few days my hypocount has been badly controlled and make everything else in poor state
Although I feel like if I continue blogging then I really might start to cry
Haha I want to thank God!
No matter what the results are
25/60 or 0/60
No matter what everything turns out like
No matter how ugly I am
No matter how many enemies I have
No matter how many people care for me, even if is 0,
God your love will never fail,
It will never give up
And never run out on me.
Help me to receive more of your love,
Have more faith in you,
And spread all your love to everyone around me.
Because as a human, my love will fail.
But yours won't.
After today,
I became friends with shuhan,
I agreed to eat lunch w her after bio paper although we were alone at first.
After today,
I think I will open up my blog again soon, maybe after blocks. Because its enough hiding from the rest of the world, from people who care who I want to avoid, from being afraid of looking so imperfect.
After today, I want to make up with RS because all these sucks and idk how she feels and I wanna go read her blog but I'm scared if there'd be stuff that hurts
But I really miss this friend so much and things just keep going wrong
Actually I could just be more accepting and tolerating
I shouldn't have told her in her face "I don't care" when she told me not to eat in class,
Just because she was wearing a council u that I don't have respect for and I knew that without it she wouldn't be like that.
But even if we make up, things would prolly never be the same hahaha
Aiya idk!
Go and sleep
I'll dream a dream
A dream where everything and everyone's imperfect, not just me
Where there are people who care,
Where I am just good enough.
"Why am I always at the bottom and why is everything so high? Why must be there be so little me and so much sky?" –Piglet
God's amazing works around the world, nature-the animals, the galaxy; they give me hope.
Why can't we just live life carefree-ly the way we want to, happily and simply? Why must we fret over everything from studies to work to health to ships to society to everything under the sky?
I want to live in a world, where people treasure things; their life, their food, their friends, their resources. A world where people in the developed country would think about the importance of another life in a third world country and eat up that last 5scoops of rice, because throwing it away would result in one life being unable to be saved. I wanna live in a world, where people value others' lives over the fats they'd gain. I wanna live in a world, where everyone loves everyone, and can show it openly. I wanna live in a world, where everyone is equal, and there is no "better", in terms of results or lifestyles or society. I wanna live in a world where there's no poverty, no sickness and no deaths. I wanna live in a world, where I can Live- I can enjoy the little things in life, I can learn because I want to, not because I need to, I can play and do whatever I want to when I want to. I want to live in a world where everything is simple and, and Good, like, true goodness of life, nature and humanity, and I would be so happy to be there.
