8 March (edited)
Friday, March 8, 2013 | 3/08/2013 10:00:00 PM | 0 comments
Yay term 1 week 9's over!!!It has been a tiring week, yes?
So many things due this week, besides a hectic schedule.
It was crazy, trying to juggle cca and school work... And maybe ships.
But it's over!
When times came where I just wanted to give up on everything,
When I realised I had subconsciously started to wish for 10months later to come, at least I reminded myself to live in the moment and that even if things sucked now, they will be in the past someday.
True enough, I've gotten past math quiz, finished math ad2 on my own, finished IH reflections and assignment.
I got my First 10/10 for bio quiz since sec2!
I couldn't believe the slip of paper I got back.
I wanted to frame it up hahaha couldn't stop staring at it; 2 stickers!
But okay that means I must continue to work super super hard and cannot get complacent!
I can do it!!!
I look at the week ahead.
It's technically already holidays.
But no, not for me.
While everyone can prolly start block test revisions tomorrow or what alr,
I doubt I'd be able to start till the end of holidays.
Everyone's tired.
So am I.
I'm so glad the holidays are here.
Yet I'm dreading them.
I wish time could just freeze.
Just for a day, let me breathe.
Or maybe a few days. Or a week.
Band exchange tomorrow w 7 schools that out of all the schools I know no one .
Graces next weds.
Bassoon exam in 10 days.
Kkh in 12 days.
Theory exam in 14 days.
Syf in 24 days.
Block test in 1 month.
Tired. But less than yesterday.
5hours+ sleep in 2 nights hahaha.
I wish time could stop for a while.
I wish I could sleep for 12 hours straight starting now, without having to be late on a Saturday.
I wish I could go out to catch a movie during the hols.
I really wish I can go get my ears pierced during e hols.
I wish I can make cheesecake during e hols.
I wish I can pass my bassoon and theory exam.
I wish all my readings in the past 4 months would just type themselves out so I don't have to; I wish the test results can all come out okay; I wish I wouldn't feel scared for the no. of tubes collected.
I wish block test wouldn't come so soon.
I wish time wouldn't fly so fast.
Yet at the same time, I feel so relieved that I survived 9 weeks of school already.
What do I want?
Irdk.
I don't like to be alone.
I like company, like it when I'm not ignored, love tight hugs, like the feeling of being able to trust and depend on someone.
Yet since 2010 till now, at least five people have told me "can you stop pushing me away?"
I wonder if I could ever get a best friend, or someone who would let me rely on and trust 100% without doubt. If I'd really end up fulfilling my dream of having a dog as my best friend and living with horses, penguins, pigs and dogs.
I like it when people understand.
That there are friends who know me.
Yet I don't like being exploited in the face, that I am not what I really am.
I don't like feeling like I don't fit anywhere. Always sets me thinking- whether I actually am existing in the right place, whether I should be where I'm at. I didn't want to stay any longer feelin that way while with familiar faces.
So I left alone. It's better to feel alone, when you are alone, than to feel that way while with a group of people, right?
I wasnt upset. I really wasn't.
Just tired.
But all of this will soon be in the past.
I'll just have to learn to run through the rain, dance through the pain.
TGIF.
