Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Read this article that was on my Discover list on twitter...........
Do you know that eyes can tell not only the truth
But also medical conditions?
With my worsening condition, it made me so scared that when I grow up, not even maybe 18, my body will start to rot and turn black and need to amputate.
What if I go blind.
Many Americans w my condition get that.
Feel like crying suddenly.
trying not to scare myself.
Stomachache whole evening/night.
Hope it gets better tmr.
On and off severe headaches these few days.
Praying it's just from fatigue and stress.
I can't afford to fall sick now when there's alr gonna be an increased 10000% risk in china.
And once anything happens the paranoid sch might just send me back.
So scared suddenly. I can't even.
Sigh.
Sometimes I think that the only reason why i try to make a joke out of my health is cus i cant face it.
But it doesnt matter cus no one else will ever understand or know the fear of death. Death. Sigh.
There's no point scaring myself and people my age who are all healthy young and innocent. So.

Moving on to a (more) positive topic!
In the afternoon I opened THEEE luggage and I took out the things I Wanted to bring (since my mom said so)
And I dumped all my piglets (ok excluding 2), vivian's calming tea, secret garden DVD fr cjj, the piglet pen and halloween shortbread cookies which I intend to eat there and celebrate Halloween alone/w BSP,
And I was quite happy cus it was not only a great leap forward but a Great great leap forward!
But my mom came home and called me Xiao za Bo and made my helper take out Every. Single. Item and put them away.
Heart. break.
Only can bring at most 2 )); but if can bring 2 alr must be happy cus my luggage no more space and the so friggin big luggage might not be enough cus of my winter clothes and coming gcp pullover/jacket and my stupid banana suit which would need my black, useless for 7 out of 8weeks, heels. and it's freaking me out cus idw to carry so much luggage!! baggages make me feel so burdened and stressed. I wish i can just go to the airport with just a passport x((
But I can't decide which 2 piglets I want to bring though that's the biggest dilemma sigh.
Kat gave me such a smart idea- "smuggling" kekekkeekkekekkee.
In fact I have done that every year I travel and only in the airport will my parents realise my bag's too fat and check and oops too late!
I will try to bring as many as I can! But not the 2 that --- gave me last time cus 1. I scared I lose/dirty 2. I'm not supposed to see them anymore. 3. No.2 is an understatement.
Actually I have always only hugged the first one cus it was the one that was original; unchanged; the same. Butttttttttttttttt...Wait why am I talking about my past again. Sigh.

Anw. I feel so stressed but I'm not even packing anything cus my momma is kinda doing everything!
And when I'm stressed I tend to procrastinate first and end up rushing at the end (more productively though- the irony) so I guess it's a good thing my mom's givin me the pressure to do stuff/help.
Shall go sleep early today also; tmr continue packing! Mommy keep telling me she want to cry already I think she is xiao za bo also Hahahahaha but I will miss my home tooooo abdwjcnkalxjslSnkads just that I don't show it that much.
gonna miss everything in singapore so muchhhhhh.
Thinking about more packing tmr makes me 吃不下饭 like ymz HAHAHHAHAHA cus I'm so scared I'll end up w the biggest luggage and I really feel so stressed!!!!! And I'm quite scared I'll get annoyed/judgemental when rich people start to flaunt their wealths and how they're bringing a macbook+notebook when I'm bringin my (new hehe) netbook (although its for convenience purposes but you can't deny the diff), or how the more material-conscious ppl would start to compare brands, designs, materials.
I must really keep an open mind and not judge or get annoyed, not compare
And just be contented with what I have.
Because I know that the true treasures I have, are God and a place in His kingdom. And the treasures that i Should treasure, are not all these materials, but the people who care about me and who I am inside.
That's one of the greatest lessons I learnt after everything our family went through last year, and after the loss of people I treasure.

Okay off to sleep feel like letting some water out tonight ahem heh

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MiL EniledA.
an average 14-year old;
Wishes come true on 30 Jan;
Taonannite 2006-2009, BiCEPer 2007-2009, NYgirl 2010-2011;
adeline30197@hotmail.com.

Wants.
God. True Friends. Family. Love. Care. Health. Happiness. Simplicity. Peace. Everything to be okay.

Her Thoughts | Her Words | Friends | Friends | Friends

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Read this article that was on my Discover list on twitter...........
Do you know that eyes can tell not only the truth
But also medical conditions?
With my worsening condition, it made me so scared that when I grow up, not even maybe 18, my body will start to rot and turn black and need to amputate.
What if I go blind.
Many Americans w my condition get that.
Feel like crying suddenly.
trying not to scare myself.
Stomachache whole evening/night.
Hope it gets better tmr.
On and off severe headaches these few days.
Praying it's just from fatigue and stress.
I can't afford to fall sick now when there's alr gonna be an increased 10000% risk in china.
And once anything happens the paranoid sch might just send me back.
So scared suddenly. I can't even.
Sigh.
Sometimes I think that the only reason why i try to make a joke out of my health is cus i cant face it.
But it doesnt matter cus no one else will ever understand or know the fear of death. Death. Sigh.
There's no point scaring myself and people my age who are all healthy young and innocent. So.

Moving on to a (more) positive topic!
In the afternoon I opened THEEE luggage and I took out the things I Wanted to bring (since my mom said so)
And I dumped all my piglets (ok excluding 2), vivian's calming tea, secret garden DVD fr cjj, the piglet pen and halloween shortbread cookies which I intend to eat there and celebrate Halloween alone/w BSP,
And I was quite happy cus it was not only a great leap forward but a Great great leap forward!
But my mom came home and called me Xiao za Bo and made my helper take out Every. Single. Item and put them away.
Heart. break.
Only can bring at most 2 )); but if can bring 2 alr must be happy cus my luggage no more space and the so friggin big luggage might not be enough cus of my winter clothes and coming gcp pullover/jacket and my stupid banana suit which would need my black, useless for 7 out of 8weeks, heels. and it's freaking me out cus idw to carry so much luggage!! baggages make me feel so burdened and stressed. I wish i can just go to the airport with just a passport x((
But I can't decide which 2 piglets I want to bring though that's the biggest dilemma sigh.
Kat gave me such a smart idea- "smuggling" kekekkeekkekekkee.
In fact I have done that every year I travel and only in the airport will my parents realise my bag's too fat and check and oops too late!
I will try to bring as many as I can! But not the 2 that --- gave me last time cus 1. I scared I lose/dirty 2. I'm not supposed to see them anymore. 3. No.2 is an understatement.
Actually I have always only hugged the first one cus it was the one that was original; unchanged; the same. Butttttttttttttttt...Wait why am I talking about my past again. Sigh.

Anw. I feel so stressed but I'm not even packing anything cus my momma is kinda doing everything!
And when I'm stressed I tend to procrastinate first and end up rushing at the end (more productively though- the irony) so I guess it's a good thing my mom's givin me the pressure to do stuff/help.
Shall go sleep early today also; tmr continue packing! Mommy keep telling me she want to cry already I think she is xiao za bo also Hahahahaha but I will miss my home tooooo abdwjcnkalxjslSnkads just that I don't show it that much.
gonna miss everything in singapore so muchhhhhh.
Thinking about more packing tmr makes me 吃不下饭 like ymz HAHAHHAHAHA cus I'm so scared I'll end up w the biggest luggage and I really feel so stressed!!!!! And I'm quite scared I'll get annoyed/judgemental when rich people start to flaunt their wealths and how they're bringing a macbook+notebook when I'm bringin my (new hehe) netbook (although its for convenience purposes but you can't deny the diff), or how the more material-conscious ppl would start to compare brands, designs, materials.
I must really keep an open mind and not judge or get annoyed, not compare
And just be contented with what I have.
Because I know that the true treasures I have, are God and a place in His kingdom. And the treasures that i Should treasure, are not all these materials, but the people who care about me and who I am inside.
That's one of the greatest lessons I learnt after everything our family went through last year, and after the loss of people I treasure.

Okay off to sleep feel like letting some water out tonight ahem heh

Older Post | Newer Post