Tired from everything.
Every time I try to climb back on my feet and stand up, something pushes me down again and again.
Still i tell myself: What doesnt kill you makes you stronger.
Yet another wave of setbacks and time of frustrations.
It feels like there's so much, so much in me, that has nowhere to channel to,
And like there's so much, so much of the world, that I have to face alone.
I really don't know what to do. Didn't know how to reply to Jeremy's "are you okay" with three question marks.

Released all the excess water in my already just now. It's been a while since I felt so... overwhelmed.

There are so many people I want to talk to. That I miss. So badly. My bbr and drb.
There are so many things I want to finish off.
There are so many problems I have to get past. That continue to haunt me every day and stay in my list waiting to be solved.

But I can't talk to these people I miss. Can't tell anyone else anything freely.
And those people I miss won't think of talking to me. They won't.
And everything I wanna do just stays there, uncompleted cus I can't even finish my need-to-do list.
Then for all the problems I have to get past, idk how to solve them. At all.

Is what I'm saying coherent haha?
Mom told me to take a break tnite from my work cus apparently I look "under the weather" hahaha and consecutive 2 nights of 2hours sleep haven't been very helpful.

Poetic justice just ended. I've liked ruien since I was young. Another figure who reminds me how much things ve changed and I've grown. My crunchyroll un created in p4 is still ruienrox30197. -just saying-. Dai yang tian is such a nice guy. Too perfect hahaha sadly such guys don't exist. Or wont exist in my life. One statement was close to my heart- 实现不了的承诺就是谎言。

People who know me know I really hate broken promises and words.
How many broken promises ppl ve made to me, esp those who are close to my heart, I don't really forget.
It may be a bad thing cus it sounds like I'm someone who 记仇,
But for me, I'm quite glad those memories stay, so if next time, or if ever, someone close to me keeps a promise, I will feel even more grateful and more appreciative.
And since I know how it feels like to be abandoned, to be cancelled on, to have nothing but empty words left to hold on to, I try hard to keep my promises.
That includes the promise I made to someone long ago that I will always be here.
And the awkward-but-still-friends, once close people too.
Even when everything has changed, even if I have changed, I will try to be there for those who matter to me, even if I don't matter an ounce to them.

But it brings me back to reality. Always using my heart to do everything to my best. But when harsh reality slaps me in the face, it leaves my heart, cold and tampered, again and again, me hurt and even more alone. Who will be here for me really?

When the going gets tough, the tough gets going.
A childhood phrase that has kept me going till 15 which I forgot about.
And someone posted it on fb recently.

I really want all these to quickly pass, cus healed wounds reaped open again hurt so much. I've been telling myself that I am strong and I have become a more optimistic, better person this year. But a reality check with Jeremy showed me that to others, or reality,
I'm still 'emotionally fragile'.
Maybe it's the same for my body. I'm always telling myself, I'm strong enough, but in reality, my body proves otherwise.
When things are like that, do I surrender to reality, or continue striving to prove myself right?

Gonna sleep now. Really exhausted and feeling under the weather. Sleep's the only way to run and hide from the brain. I know it wont solve anything but hiding's the only thing I can think of now. Maybe someone can help me figure a way out.

I know everyone has pain, broken pieces, troubles and frustrations. I know I should be grateful and appreciating my own life and try to be there for my closed ones. I know I have a lot of work to die for. I know I can't hope at all for the people i miss to be here for just one moment. But for one night, I would like to just be selfish, irresponsible, and wishful me, to allow myself a few hours of escape. Let everything collapse, and let God lead the way for me. Even if it hurts, I will follow.

•Blessed are those whose help is the God of Jacob,
whose hope is in the Lord their God. He is the Maker of heaven and earth,
the sea, and everything in them—
he remains faithful forever. (Psalm 146:5, 6)
•because God has said,
"Never will I leave you;
nor will I forsake you." (Hebrews 13:5)


His promise is the only truth that I can trust now.


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MiL EniledA.
an average 14-year old;
Wishes come true on 30 Jan;
Taonannite 2006-2009, BiCEPer 2007-2009, NYgirl 2010-2011;
adeline30197@hotmail.com.

Wants.
God. True Friends. Family. Love. Care. Health. Happiness. Simplicity. Peace. Everything to be okay.

Her Thoughts | Her Words | Friends | Friends | Friends

Tired from everything.
Every time I try to climb back on my feet and stand up, something pushes me down again and again.
Still i tell myself: What doesnt kill you makes you stronger.
Yet another wave of setbacks and time of frustrations.
It feels like there's so much, so much in me, that has nowhere to channel to,
And like there's so much, so much of the world, that I have to face alone.
I really don't know what to do. Didn't know how to reply to Jeremy's "are you okay" with three question marks.

Released all the excess water in my already just now. It's been a while since I felt so... overwhelmed.

There are so many people I want to talk to. That I miss. So badly. My bbr and drb.
There are so many things I want to finish off.
There are so many problems I have to get past. That continue to haunt me every day and stay in my list waiting to be solved.

But I can't talk to these people I miss. Can't tell anyone else anything freely.
And those people I miss won't think of talking to me. They won't.
And everything I wanna do just stays there, uncompleted cus I can't even finish my need-to-do list.
Then for all the problems I have to get past, idk how to solve them. At all.

Is what I'm saying coherent haha?
Mom told me to take a break tnite from my work cus apparently I look "under the weather" hahaha and consecutive 2 nights of 2hours sleep haven't been very helpful.

Poetic justice just ended. I've liked ruien since I was young. Another figure who reminds me how much things ve changed and I've grown. My crunchyroll un created in p4 is still ruienrox30197. -just saying-. Dai yang tian is such a nice guy. Too perfect hahaha sadly such guys don't exist. Or wont exist in my life. One statement was close to my heart- 实现不了的承诺就是谎言。

People who know me know I really hate broken promises and words.
How many broken promises ppl ve made to me, esp those who are close to my heart, I don't really forget.
It may be a bad thing cus it sounds like I'm someone who 记仇,
But for me, I'm quite glad those memories stay, so if next time, or if ever, someone close to me keeps a promise, I will feel even more grateful and more appreciative.
And since I know how it feels like to be abandoned, to be cancelled on, to have nothing but empty words left to hold on to, I try hard to keep my promises.
That includes the promise I made to someone long ago that I will always be here.
And the awkward-but-still-friends, once close people too.
Even when everything has changed, even if I have changed, I will try to be there for those who matter to me, even if I don't matter an ounce to them.

But it brings me back to reality. Always using my heart to do everything to my best. But when harsh reality slaps me in the face, it leaves my heart, cold and tampered, again and again, me hurt and even more alone. Who will be here for me really?

When the going gets tough, the tough gets going.
A childhood phrase that has kept me going till 15 which I forgot about.
And someone posted it on fb recently.

I really want all these to quickly pass, cus healed wounds reaped open again hurt so much. I've been telling myself that I am strong and I have become a more optimistic, better person this year. But a reality check with Jeremy showed me that to others, or reality,
I'm still 'emotionally fragile'.
Maybe it's the same for my body. I'm always telling myself, I'm strong enough, but in reality, my body proves otherwise.
When things are like that, do I surrender to reality, or continue striving to prove myself right?

Gonna sleep now. Really exhausted and feeling under the weather. Sleep's the only way to run and hide from the brain. I know it wont solve anything but hiding's the only thing I can think of now. Maybe someone can help me figure a way out.

I know everyone has pain, broken pieces, troubles and frustrations. I know I should be grateful and appreciating my own life and try to be there for my closed ones. I know I have a lot of work to die for. I know I can't hope at all for the people i miss to be here for just one moment. But for one night, I would like to just be selfish, irresponsible, and wishful me, to allow myself a few hours of escape. Let everything collapse, and let God lead the way for me. Even if it hurts, I will follow.

•Blessed are those whose help is the God of Jacob,
whose hope is in the Lord their God. He is the Maker of heaven and earth,
the sea, and everything in them—
he remains faithful forever. (Psalm 146:5, 6)
•because God has said,
"Never will I leave you;
nor will I forsake you." (Hebrews 13:5)


His promise is the only truth that I can trust now.


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