Friday, September 14, 2012 | 9/14/2012 03:07:00 AM | 0 comments
Third post in two days. So funny. Hahaha. I'm sorry please leave if you're not up for more of my rubbish!><Left bio notes in school, screwed for quiz tmr.
Still couldn't memorise trigo2 formulas even after I did a whole chapter of coordinate geometry and went back to trigo2.
Fail-oh.
Tmr gonna go to school super early, and try to exert some Edward Cullen charm that would let the GO staff give me the band room keys willingly haha.
Evelyn's going with me. Sucha nice friend! brought home 5 band tees and Joanna was still telling me "I thought all of their sections helped them take alr should be don't really need" but end up so many don't have.
Actually only 6 don't have and I have 5. But the sizes all not right so ><
sigh.
Feel like crying. A little.
Idk why. Maybe I'm feeling too accomplished after math at this hour hahaha or maybe I have nothing to occupy my mind alr now. Having migraine but idrw go to sleep.
Shall dedicate a part of this post to Jeremy! Thank you Jeremy for having been such a great friend to me this year, and esp now after I got to know you better I really like your character hahaha (not the eason chen part though) but I read about your 夕阳无限好 post and I'm quite inspired to go listen to the song- tmr morning k! Thank you for being ever so patient with me and very understanding and being silly with me (a lot). I won't forget all your care and if you need me I'll always be here for you too (: -"JEREMY'S GF"
It's this really empty and hollow feeling. I really miss talking to you, even if I was an unknown. At least I had a reply. Sigh nvm this sounds so pathetic I needa stop and wake up.
Wegggguppppp lwh.
More like I should go sleep now.
Mom was asking me to apply for the royal music academy scholarship- they're coming to Asia to do auditions and she wanted me to try...until we realised I'm underage -.-
what a nice bubble that formed in my head. Doing music in uk man. But my mom was quite serious when she asked if I wanted to be a musician. Idk why. But for now im open to every possibility cus idk what I wanna be.
I really dk many things. It's this coming of age thing that sucks. It's the awareness of harsh reality, cruel society that crushes the innocence and the fearlessness in me. I don't wanna grow up- or at least not anymore. I can't imagine what life will be in 10years when I'm already feeling so strangled now. Fierce competition, working, sucking up, favouritism. School is actually a childcare centre compared to society.
I miss mj and hy suddenly. Everytime I see aw too I feel sad. It was just two chapters of my life ago, that mj was the student conductor, taking us marching in the quadrangle, bringing us out for lunch and telling me so many things bout life like finishing my food no matter what. It was just one chapter of my life ago, where I had an angel all to myself, only to have my angel flying away, turning on me, and now we are no more friends because of me. It wasn't even half a chapter ago, that I made a big mistake and I got scolded by the then seemingly fierce and crazy senior. Yet now every time i see this person my day is made. And it just feels like our programme ran yesterday. And bsp camp and the bus journey and all the hi-s and the smiles and the pictures too.
I dont want time to move forward anymore. I want it to move backward and freeze. At every chapter freeze for 100 years. If I was a mad scientist what I would have spent my whole life researching on would be a time porter.
and when I reached the end of my life researching on it and it succeeded, I could go back to my past and live the
times. I guess all these talk is futile now. I should just learn to appreciate and enjoy and soak in every moment, every second of my life now.
My piglets smell so nice cus half of em went to 'shower' today hehe. But not the newer ones that I have to hug every night cus I cannot bear hehe. But nvm the rest still smell nice. Feel like sending my whole bed to china w me ):
Maybe I should just go sleep and stop being stupid here. Headache worsening and im gonna regret it tmr.
I hope the freshly tugged memories from these few days can quickly fade soon, let me stop missing people so badly who i dont matter to and wont remember or miss me also. Let me get back to my normal life and stop wishing and being greedy for more.
This song made me almost cry while doing math just now hahaha. Another memory of mj. She was the one who typed the lyrics into a text and sent them to me, introducing me to this song and asking me to smile more.
Smile, though your heart is aching
Smile, even though it's breaking.
When there are clouds in the sky
you'll get by.
If you smile through your pain and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You'll see the sun come shining through
For you.
Light up your face with gladness,
Hide every trace of sadness.
Although a tear may be ever so near
That's the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what's the use of crying.
You'll find that life is still worthwhile-
If you just smile.
Smile- Charlie Chaplin.
Hahaha. Thank you mj.
Yes. To everyone also, smile more, I know there are a few people who read here that are also hurting over different things like me, but life is still worth living. So smile. That's one of the nicer things I've learnt while growing up. Smile, even when you're breaking inside. Just smile. (:
And now I carefully fold back the memories, and bury them, right at the bottom of my heart. I have to.
