Couldnt sleep till bout 2. Just lay there doing nothing. Woke up at like 6-7 and couldn't go back to sleep. I backtracked and read my posts till beginning of september.
I miss being happy and silly. I miss my pessimistic optimism.
Reading my previous posts I realised that life before this period have never been perfect ever. (that's why I keep a blog). I was still facing setbacks occasionally. But I got through.
Maybe it's just this time cus it's a whole wave of em coming one after another that made me stuck.
/Set fire to the rain by Adele is playing downstairs with another event going on I should just forget my plan to catch anymore sleep after this/

Today is miss drb day.
Not so much of bbr anymore. Cus after ytd I've cut myself from all wishes and everything fancy like a text or a tag here.
I miss how drb was always here for me, letting me do stuff I wanted and supporting me while giving some advice/personal opinions w/o actually ending up trying to control me (call me spoilt or wtv but i actually really hate being controlled (not=care) in all aspects esp health which might explain my angst toward someone ytd.)
That was the kind of ship I really enjoy having. It's like...commitment with freedom. And knowing that even with freedom comes accompaniment.
However, I also miss how drb would scold me when I got too extreme about stuff. Not really scold, but more like slap me in the face with what reality has. And not slap either. But -looking back now- very gently showing me facts and how extreme I was.
We used to end up quarrelling, and I'd ask drb to go away.
I know it hurt drb to see me upset by scolding me but still would do so.
That was before drb changed and started doing funny stuff.

I wish I still had such friends. Friends who'd care enough to take the effort to put facts straight out for you and scold you if necessary. who would wake you up from whatever rubbish fantasy you were having about life and set you back on track. I don't have anymore /few of such friends now but I guess I should remember drb and try to wake myself up. To be disciplined and not let myself continue moping about and getting stuck in the past once I look back again, unable to move on. If drb was still drb, I hope drb would be proud of me if drb knew.

I really need a slap in the face and some scolding hahaha sounds so crazy. But for now I know waiting for someone to do it won't work and so I'll try to wake myself up and get back on my feet. I can't let myself continue being like that even if all parts of my heart are dying. I should just numb myself for now. So I shouldn't come back soon (a few days) to start again on my feelings but work on keeping them back. And also to make up for all time wasted these few days being miserable here. I just wanted to blog now and say that, also a promise to myself, that yes I will and I must try very very very hard. I can do it. I can do all things, through Christ who gives me strength. -Philippians 4:13.
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MiL EniledA.
an average 14-year old;
Wishes come true on 30 Jan;
Taonannite 2006-2009, BiCEPer 2007-2009, NYgirl 2010-2011;
adeline30197@hotmail.com.

Wants.
God. True Friends. Family. Love. Care. Health. Happiness. Simplicity. Peace. Everything to be okay.

Her Thoughts | Her Words | Friends | Friends | Friends

Couldnt sleep till bout 2. Just lay there doing nothing. Woke up at like 6-7 and couldn't go back to sleep. I backtracked and read my posts till beginning of september.
I miss being happy and silly. I miss my pessimistic optimism.
Reading my previous posts I realised that life before this period have never been perfect ever. (that's why I keep a blog). I was still facing setbacks occasionally. But I got through.
Maybe it's just this time cus it's a whole wave of em coming one after another that made me stuck.
/Set fire to the rain by Adele is playing downstairs with another event going on I should just forget my plan to catch anymore sleep after this/

Today is miss drb day.
Not so much of bbr anymore. Cus after ytd I've cut myself from all wishes and everything fancy like a text or a tag here.
I miss how drb was always here for me, letting me do stuff I wanted and supporting me while giving some advice/personal opinions w/o actually ending up trying to control me (call me spoilt or wtv but i actually really hate being controlled (not=care) in all aspects esp health which might explain my angst toward someone ytd.)
That was the kind of ship I really enjoy having. It's like...commitment with freedom. And knowing that even with freedom comes accompaniment.
However, I also miss how drb would scold me when I got too extreme about stuff. Not really scold, but more like slap me in the face with what reality has. And not slap either. But -looking back now- very gently showing me facts and how extreme I was.
We used to end up quarrelling, and I'd ask drb to go away.
I know it hurt drb to see me upset by scolding me but still would do so.
That was before drb changed and started doing funny stuff.

I wish I still had such friends. Friends who'd care enough to take the effort to put facts straight out for you and scold you if necessary. who would wake you up from whatever rubbish fantasy you were having about life and set you back on track. I don't have anymore /few of such friends now but I guess I should remember drb and try to wake myself up. To be disciplined and not let myself continue moping about and getting stuck in the past once I look back again, unable to move on. If drb was still drb, I hope drb would be proud of me if drb knew.

I really need a slap in the face and some scolding hahaha sounds so crazy. But for now I know waiting for someone to do it won't work and so I'll try to wake myself up and get back on my feet. I can't let myself continue being like that even if all parts of my heart are dying. I should just numb myself for now. So I shouldn't come back soon (a few days) to start again on my feelings but work on keeping them back. And also to make up for all time wasted these few days being miserable here. I just wanted to blog now and say that, also a promise to myself, that yes I will and I must try very very very hard. I can do it. I can do all things, through Christ who gives me strength. -Philippians 4:13.
Older Post | Newer Post