Sunday, June 10, 2012 | 6/10/2012 12:50:00 AM | 0 comments
Feel empty although enjoyed everything I've done these few days.It's weird, every time I look at my phone and see nothing.
And it's worse when some people that I talk to don't reply. It used to annoy me and make me never wanna talk to those people again but now I should get used to this baa. that like people won't reply cus I'm nobardyyy hahaha.
Idk why you seem to control the whole world. Idk why it feels like I'm nobody to everybody when it's prolly just you. I guess you gave me too much encouragement and hope..
Have been trying to occupy myself like mad so I don't have to think about anything.
Even after reaching home at 8+ after the match today I did many things which made me feel better doing like at least i did sth these few days. Although I was tired like hell w cramps.
Sigh needa distract myself.
Anw ohyeah.
Ytd night I had a really surreal and vivid dream that made me almost wake up screaming.
It felt so real that I can still remember the exact details.
I dreamt about you, not you, you. Ugh I have too many yous but anw its just you. I dreamt that you were lying in e hospital w many many tubes in you and idk why but it was my mom who received e news and told me to visit you so I went. There were many doctors around you cus yr heart kept beeping then suddenly stopping like th maching showed it and it was really scary. Then I started crying and screaming while covering my own mouth and I told you to wake up and look at me. And suddenly you opened your eyes and nodded and I cried harder and wanted to hug you but immediately all the doctors dragged me out of your room and I tried to fight them but they just took me away and I couldn't see you anymore cus there were so many of them blocking you.
The end.
The first thing I did when I woke up was pray that you are fine. Idw that scene to ever happen even if the chances of it happening are like 0.000000001%. I mean I know that dream is totally impossible. I just hope that that situation won't ever happen to you although it might have sounded like a norm to you. But it's m too scary. Idk why I had that dream.
Actually, even when all the feelings die, even when I've prolly been totally forgotten about you just like you will forget all yr past, I still dw that to happen to you. And even when all e feelings have gone, a small part of me this morning was aching, knowing how huge e gap between us is now, and how it's never gonna close up. Anw I hope yre fine, you should be.
Today there were some really awkward moments as well. But those are unavoidable I just keep quiet, avoid look if really awkward exchange.
Time will heal the deepest wounds, that I believe. But when...?
Maybe then, id have e courage to face some ppl again.
But for now I pray that God will help fill me up w joy that will last in me no matter how e day is!
