many quotes i reblogged filled w e feelings i've felt for the past few days..

uhm.

idk what to post hahaha.

i just realized this is my 299th post! one more to 300 hehehe

will try to write some nicer stuff then for 300th.

crap ive had so many things to say this week that now i dun have anything to say anymore.

OH YEAH! i changed phone today ehehheehehehhee so cool right 

sold away the htc one back to m1 cus my parents say its so lag cannot keep anymore.

which means.....my messages all goneeeeeeee

im half happy.

because ive had this 5000 msg trend inside which i couldnt delete cus the trend was too big.

but the other msg trendssssss X.X

nvm i can still save memories in my new phone (: 

actually, there is a reason why i prefer talking over sms rather than whatsapp now.

and im thankful that most of e ppl i talk to have unlimited sms and are willing to chat over sms again instead of whatsapp (well, actually only for those i tell only.)

there's a reason why i avoid whatsapp but i shant say here.

or i shall just say it. its cus i wanna avoid someone. or avoid anything to do with the person.

so yup with htc going, im relieved that much of my past left with it.

new phone! new beginning, faster way of communication w ppl (: 

and.....

ugggggg suddenly idk what to say anymore i want to cry i just want to cry this is horrible pms can.

spent the whole afternoon in bed after lunch cus my cramps are too bad for me to move so i just lied down and played and died and cringed away thinking about valid reasons for requesting to dig out my reproductive systems when i finally get sent to a&e for "dying-of-pain".

and now i wanna sleep.

no i shall finish this post.

anyway.

i have this dislike for duck and chicken.

chicken isnt so obvious. 

but duck im just like showing it. cus i really cannot stand her.

i dun even think i needa say who she is. one look can tell who duck is.

cus she walks talks acts like one.

and she whole day like to act like her senior and go around acting popular or what rubbish.

and the tickets she cut are seriously ugly max max max max max max max max. 

and i just wanna laugh at her everytime i see her.

okay.

so appa's next friday.

i cant wait to see my seniors and fy and mj.

but that also means i might see someone who i dun really wanna see and dun want to face.

haiz.

can someone just kill me.

dreamt of that person again ytd night.

what a great way to start my day.

woke up annoyed and frustrated.

why must the person appear in my dream again.

why must the person keep haunting me non stop.

why cant the person leave me alone and let me move on peacefully. 

the most ironic thing is the person doesnt feel anything the person's self and doesnt even give a dayoomed Shit!

why must the person keep torturing me then? 

my morning was completely ruined like that until we went to get our new phones.

actually honestly speaking, i read the convo again before i deleted and cleared the whole phone stuff.

the convo of the quarrel.

"you were in the list of names i wanted to strike off this year, but i remembered my promise that you'd be my child's godma and we'll be good friends." 

and.

 "i used to hate you too." 

it made me wanna laugh...cus its so ridiculous. do i even need to explain why? okay i shall since i have nothing better to do.

1. i was probably in the list all the while, always. please, when have you ever kept a promise? a Promise? trying to make it sound nice? when have you ever meant what you said? 

2. i think it was never a "used to" but an "always". the quarrel was just an awesome platform for you to throw me away like you always.have. 

you sarg! ):<

 im just typing it here cus everything else is gone. and someday in 50 yrs when im old and dying and feel like im ready for some hatred again i could read this.

i think i just really have too much to say until idk what to say anymore. all these rubbish. i should just shut up and not say anything right.

sometimes im very sad and sick of life.

then other times im happy and gay.

idk.

recently before i sleep i lie there and think, "do i still know myself"

and i find myself answering "idk whether i know myself"

(thats not a "idk myself" but a "idk whether i know myself" = 100X more complicated.)

or just falling asleep before i reach a conclusion.

for people that dk me before this year...

i was very different last year.

actually, i changed a lot last year too.

sec1 and before, i was a very different person.

and last year i changed.

only to change even more this year.

this year has been quite smiley and "when life gives you lemons, make lemonade!" for me.

even with all the shit that life gives me. /urghs at the reflections of events/

i just keep smiling. /like a dumbass/

then sometimes i wonder, 

am i being too optimistic about things?

what if i really become a mcdonalds worker next time cus of my results that will never let me make it to hc.

what if things arent as positive as i always see them to be?

what if im just a boiling frog like fabby yap always says and i just never ever realize how much hot water is below me until i just start boiling and i die and no one can save me?

sometimes i wonder,

what if nobody actually cares about me like i always think so.

and only God cares.

and everyone else doesnt care although they tell me they do. rarely. hardly. when the moon turns uhm red. or purple. which is like never. or hardly.

then i always feel like no one cares.

and maybe really no one does.

no one cares about me.

because i'm a really lousy person.

and im just lousy, idk how to describe how lousy i am. because im just lousy.

i can just go rot or go jump into the sea and start swimming with sharks.

and no one would care.

because im a lousy person.

and i just dk how to describe how lousy i am.

then i start wondering again,

if im so lousy,

who would actually like me?

nobody.

what would ppl like about me?

nothing.

why would ppl actually like me?

because they have something wrong.

but if you link this to the first qtn,

nobody likes me.

so in the first place, nobody has something wrong.

im such a sad and weird person.

and this is so weird coming from someone who has a. friend. or a friend more than a friend.

i guess im just feeling unsecured. always have been, always will be. 

idek what im saying because im just bleeding too much.

like "i keep bleeding i keeep keeeep bleeeding loveeee"

[how nice would it be if there was a camera moving across my face rn.]

many quotes i reblogged filled w e feelings i've felt for the past few days..

uhm.

idk what to post hahaha.

i just realized this is my 299th post! one more to 300 hehehe

will try to write some nicer stuff then for 300th.

crap ive had so many things to say this week that now i dun have anything to say anymore.

OH YEAH! i changed phone today ehehheehehehhee so cool right 

sold away the htc one back to m1 cus my parents say its so lag cannot keep anymore.

which means.....my messages all goneeeeeeee

im half happy.

because ive had this 5000 msg trend inside which i couldnt delete cus the trend was too big.

but the other msg trendssssss X.X

nvm i can still save memories in my new phone (: 

actually, there is a reason why i prefer talking over sms rather than whatsapp now.

and im thankful that most of e ppl i talk to have unlimited sms and are willing to chat over sms again instead of whatsapp (well, actually only for those i tell only.)

there's a reason why i avoid whatsapp but i shant say here.

or i shall just say it. its cus i wanna avoid someone. or avoid anything to do with the person.

so yup with htc going, im relieved that much of my past left with it.

new phone! new beginning, faster way of communication w ppl (: 

and.....

ugggggg suddenly idk what to say anymore i want to cry i just want to cry this is horrible pms can.

spent the whole afternoon in bed after lunch cus my cramps are too bad for me to move so i just lied down and played and died and cringed away thinking about valid reasons for requesting to dig out my reproductive systems when i finally get sent to a&e for "dying-of-pain".

and now i wanna sleep.

no i shall finish this post.

anyway.

i have this dislike for duck and chicken.

chicken isnt so obvious. 

but duck im just like showing it. cus i really cannot stand her.

i dun even think i needa say who she is. one look can tell who duck is.

cus she walks talks acts like one.

and she whole day like to act like her senior and go around acting popular or what rubbish.

and the tickets she cut are seriously ugly max max max max max max max max. 

and i just wanna laugh at her everytime i see her.

okay.

so appa's next friday.

i cant wait to see my seniors and fy and mj.

but that also means i might see someone who i dun really wanna see and dun want to face.

haiz.

can someone just kill me.

dreamt of that person again ytd night.

what a great way to start my day.

woke up annoyed and frustrated.

why must the person appear in my dream again.

why must the person keep haunting me non stop.

why cant the person leave me alone and let me move on peacefully. 

the most ironic thing is the person doesnt feel anything the person's self and doesnt even give a dayoomed Shit!

why must the person keep torturing me then? 

my morning was completely ruined like that until we went to get our new phones.

actually honestly speaking, i read the convo again before i deleted and cleared the whole phone stuff.

the convo of the quarrel.

"you were in the list of names i wanted to strike off this year, but i remembered my promise that you'd be my child's godma and we'll be good friends." 

and.

 "i used to hate you too." 

it made me wanna laugh...cus its so ridiculous. do i even need to explain why? okay i shall since i have nothing better to do.

1. i was probably in the list all the while, always. please, when have you ever kept a promise? a Promise? trying to make it sound nice? when have you ever meant what you said? 

2. i think it was never a "used to" but an "always". the quarrel was just an awesome platform for you to throw me away like you always.have. 

you sarg! ):<

 im just typing it here cus everything else is gone. and someday in 50 yrs when im old and dying and feel like im ready for some hatred again i could read this.

i think i just really have too much to say until idk what to say anymore. all these rubbish. i should just shut up and not say anything right.

sometimes im very sad and sick of life.

then other times im happy and gay.

idk.

recently before i sleep i lie there and think, "do i still know myself"

and i find myself answering "idk whether i know myself"

(thats not a "idk myself" but a "idk whether i know myself" = 100X more complicated.)

or just falling asleep before i reach a conclusion.

for people that dk me before this year...

i was very different last year.

actually, i changed a lot last year too.

sec1 and before, i was a very different person.

and last year i changed.

only to change even more this year.

this year has been quite smiley and "when life gives you lemons, make lemonade!" for me.

even with all the shit that life gives me. /urghs at the reflections of events/

i just keep smiling. /like a dumbass/

then sometimes i wonder, 

am i being too optimistic about things?

what if i really become a mcdonalds worker next time cus of my results that will never let me make it to hc.

what if things arent as positive as i always see them to be?

what if im just a boiling frog like fabby yap always says and i just never ever realize how much hot water is below me until i just start boiling and i die and no one can save me?

sometimes i wonder,

what if nobody actually cares about me like i always think so.

and only God cares.

and everyone else doesnt care although they tell me they do. rarely. hardly. when the moon turns uhm red. or purple. which is like never. or hardly.

then i always feel like no one cares.

and maybe really no one does.

no one cares about me.

because i'm a really lousy person.

and im just lousy, idk how to describe how lousy i am. because im just lousy.

i can just go rot or go jump into the sea and start swimming with sharks.

and no one would care.

because im a lousy person.

and i just dk how to describe how lousy i am.

then i start wondering again,

if im so lousy,

who would actually like me?

nobody.

what would ppl like about me?

nothing.

why would ppl actually like me?

because they have something wrong.

but if you link this to the first qtn,

nobody likes me.

so in the first place, nobody has something wrong.

im such a sad and weird person.

and this is so weird coming from someone who has a. friend. or a friend more than a friend.

i guess im just feeling unsecured. always have been, always will be. 

idek what im saying because im just bleeding too much.

like "i keep bleeding i keeep keeeep bleeeding loveeee"

[how nice would it be if there was a camera moving across my face rn.]