Sunday, February 12, 2012 | 2/12/2012 01:26:00 AM | 0 comments
gave up doing work gonna die tmr.finished preparing for worship/chairman stuff tmr at least!
blogging cus im waiting to see my "stock market" trends
just now very giddy when stood up and fell to the floor.
so went to check hypocount.
and it was kinda high idk why.
so i just jabbed...without food
waiting to see if i'll go low.
abit scared to sleep SO i blogging.
yup.
thats the only thing i really hate about the night.
like i have no one to help me.
actually even if it was day time i have no one to help me.
as in no friends who know how to.
but now is night and my family is sleeping and i have no friends who know how to help me.
so im trying to save myself? and now idk if im gonna end up killing myself.
good job.
okay.
did some work this morn.
then cus ate bf at 12 so wasnt hungry and kinda skipped lunch.
went to church early for tmr worship rehearsal.
then had fellowship.
now fellowship all start early and end early cus we have easter choir afterwards X.X
anw today's fellowship was quite funnaye.
at least for me. me and pam and our secret codes 8))
then Elis keep daoing me HUMPH.
but he dam comical.
then i was drinking water.
then he said something funny.
and someone was like "she's gonna spit out her water"
then i shake my head and try to swallow.
then they started some discussion about how they cnnt swallow and end up spitting.
then someone said "dun spit here uh very gross"
and the entire mouthful of water pui-ed out
and me and pam used 2 packets of tissues to clean up.
i wanted to evaporate.
afterwards went for choir.
my mom go put me in soprano -.-
children's choir that time soprano can mah cus we young young then voice can anyhow sing high note.
now i so old alr my voice like poop liddat
but she insist then fine lor conductor got biggest say mah -.-
miss children's choir! last time whole day just playplayplay only.
then sing song can do actions one.
now just flip pages like xiaooo. -.-
lucky i learn a bit of piano and have children choir's pianist/'student' conductor/singer experience. if not i would die singing.
pam and phoebe both in alto ): but i got angeline lim. but i dun like her.
then SHE also in same section wlao then my mom smmore ask her sit w me /faint/
nvm.
met sungjin and went for ahs band concert afterwards.
it was quite good except it was in e hall and i couldnt see anything much.
yuppp.
/im still feeling giddy howww -scared to sleep-/
dk why but feel like we're drifting away even though we seem to be hanging out even more.
maybe awkward for her, and for me its just...idk.
It's natural for a junior to be close w her senior ba，
So its natural for a junior to be closeR to her senior and like side with the senior right?
maybe thats just what i feel....my own senior told me must have more trust in my friends.
so i shall have more trust in her. hope this face gets over quickly :/
these few days have been feeling rather down i guess cus of pms..
today no cramps though, but there were like abit negative feelings inside me all the time.
like during the concert i was so envious and sad cus nycb cant have our own concert.
and just abit of sadness inside all day?
maybe im too tired.
and today someone's mood wasnt really good.
dk if the person was being cold cus bad mood or cus still angry.
idk luh. dc also.
this week is friendship week.
for those with no valentine esp.
im gonna try to be a nicer friend this week...
and forget about all the past ruined friendships, esp those of last year.
at least 7.. sigh.
i think im a really lousy friend cus im nver good at cheering others up.
neither am i good at making them happy.
then idk what i am for....
and often, i am the kind of friend that no one will remember about i guess?
its quite sad.
sigh.
on a more serious serious note,
i've been thinking about everything ive been doing in church ministry.
maybe i should stop them for a while...
no devotions, not much praying, being judgemental... and the list goes on.
i dun feel like a good christian example. if im not a good christian example, how am i suppose to lead a youth congregation in worship or lead in other ways?
i myself dun feel the relationship with God anymore..
im not even a good example for normal friends, much less for the christian friends.
really confused.
dk what to do/think about for many things.
and as usual when day comes i push everyth to the back of the mind and do what i should do.
as much as i hate night time, its the only time where i can truly be alone by myself and think through stuff.
but right now this second this minute i think i need help cus my chest is hurting badly ahhh
idw to die in my sleep ://
maybe i should go lie down...?
or should i jab more or eat sumzeeng or whuttt.
maybe i'll just uhm go sit on my bed until i feel better ba.
dw blog anymore le feel so sick yikes bye
