Did work for a really short while before having to go lie down again cus stomach hurt so badly just now before dinner.
Thought about a lot of things..
The people who were here just last year, most of em have left and it's a whole new group of friends now.
Missed many people, esp the one that I'm always missing.
And i was thinking..
Why did those who esp made promises have to leave..
Why did the one who i miss the most have to disappear completely off this earth without a trace left behind for me to look for.
Why can't they all be here when I need them.
Why can't things have stayed exactly as they were just 1 year ago and not have moved on.
Why must people change and leave.

Cried myself to sleep. Dk if it was cus of e pain or cus I missed the people from my past too much.
Woke up with head-soaked piglet /guilty/ and a really blank mind. The blankness that I get sometimes for who knows what reason.
Received a nice reassuring text from someone from the present, and got brought back to 'now'.
looking back on just now, I shouldn't have been thinking about all those qtns and instead should remember those good memories..
Shouldn't have cried so badly, but have smiled.
At least, I feel abit glad after thinking through, that I managed to cut out my bbear this while..
At least my bbear still lives in my heart. If I didn't separate that part out, I wouldn't have had any memories left at all, all turned into hate.
I miss bbear very badly...really very badly..! :/
But I know that like those movies where angels sent by god come to earth and help humans then suddenly leave and vanish and dun exist anymore from then on... Bbear doesnt exist anymore as much as idw. I think after a while, I have to put aside all this missing and move on again. That's what my 'present' told me..bbr doesnt remember me anymore, doesnt care anymore, doesnt exist anymore, bbr moved on to help other ppl be happy and care for them. I guess I must learn to accept that someday and stop missing a non existent... Person, Memory, or even could be hallucination.

But for now, not yet.
Idw to say goodbye to the last memories I have of my past yet. I never got to say goodbye to bbr. To anyone else from my past. Not to 3/4, and not to those two who stirred up feelings of mine that shouldn't even be there for a 15yr old. At least, nt for a christian 15yr old. For e other two groups, I see them very often. When I miss them, I will see/ walk past them in sch/elsewhere and feel better.
Not for bbr. Thats why I keep wishing, that maybe just for one day i can spend time w bbr for the last time and say a goodbye properly. But that's impossible, right? So like I said, a wish is a wish for a reason- it's not gonna come true.

Maybe one day when I blank out again, afterwards my brain would automatically say goodbye and erase them completely and I won't ever think of those people anymore.
But at least for now, let me keep the good memories that those who gave them to me have forgotten about...they are too good memories to be just wasted and forgotten like that, right? I shall do the safekeeping..

I know some do rmb, like gb, the ones that still exist in my 'present', just with much smaller roles. But most of them don't, in fact all of them, except maybe whl, gb, kat probably.

Why am I starting on this again. Rofl. Idk. Mind was cluttered w this topic while doing math just now after dinner.
But actually I really felt better after waking up and reading that text.. Can't express my gratitude enough to my 'present', and the other 313ers and friends who have been there for me today be it helping me when I was throwing up like no one's business or sending simple texts to say "take care, get well soon, stay healthy" to show me that they care.
Now:
It's a new group of friends, hopefully new and better experiences. As much as I can't bear to let go of my past.. I think I will learn to appreciate and anticipate my future more(:
To end off, I have a big piece of good news for me to share:
Nycb will be having our own concert on 11 May! (=
it's a small scale family concert, with only family and friends and most probably alumni invited only, but at least we have our own concert.
It's almost a dream come true for me((: for that, im really grateful to the comm(:
(not those that opposed to it though, of course. And i can very well think of who they are cus they are Oh So Pro and the pieces are Tooo Easy! For Them and their faces totally have that "I don't want it" look. Like. Her. Zzzz nvm. She can be the same as Herrrr monster, both wear those two red horns and hold the two red forks together and stand beside the boiling hot pot filled with their love products. Whatever. )
I'm happy we have the concert!

Gonna go sleep now, tmr's a short day that I must live through no matter what! And the rest of this week too. Gnite, have a niceday tmr everyone and for the rest of the week also!
P.S. Dun be so suay like me!
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MiL EniledA.
an average 14-year old;
Wishes come true on 30 Jan;
Taonannite 2006-2009, BiCEPer 2007-2009, NYgirl 2010-2011;
adeline30197@hotmail.com.

Wants.
God. True Friends. Family. Love. Care. Health. Happiness. Simplicity. Peace. Everything to be okay.

Her Thoughts | Her Words | Friends | Friends | Friends

Did work for a really short while before having to go lie down again cus stomach hurt so badly just now before dinner.
Thought about a lot of things..
The people who were here just last year, most of em have left and it's a whole new group of friends now.
Missed many people, esp the one that I'm always missing.
And i was thinking..
Why did those who esp made promises have to leave..
Why did the one who i miss the most have to disappear completely off this earth without a trace left behind for me to look for.
Why can't they all be here when I need them.
Why can't things have stayed exactly as they were just 1 year ago and not have moved on.
Why must people change and leave.

Cried myself to sleep. Dk if it was cus of e pain or cus I missed the people from my past too much.
Woke up with head-soaked piglet /guilty/ and a really blank mind. The blankness that I get sometimes for who knows what reason.
Received a nice reassuring text from someone from the present, and got brought back to 'now'.
looking back on just now, I shouldn't have been thinking about all those qtns and instead should remember those good memories..
Shouldn't have cried so badly, but have smiled.
At least, I feel abit glad after thinking through, that I managed to cut out my bbear this while..
At least my bbear still lives in my heart. If I didn't separate that part out, I wouldn't have had any memories left at all, all turned into hate.
I miss bbear very badly...really very badly..! :/
But I know that like those movies where angels sent by god come to earth and help humans then suddenly leave and vanish and dun exist anymore from then on... Bbear doesnt exist anymore as much as idw. I think after a while, I have to put aside all this missing and move on again. That's what my 'present' told me..bbr doesnt remember me anymore, doesnt care anymore, doesnt exist anymore, bbr moved on to help other ppl be happy and care for them. I guess I must learn to accept that someday and stop missing a non existent... Person, Memory, or even could be hallucination.

But for now, not yet.
Idw to say goodbye to the last memories I have of my past yet. I never got to say goodbye to bbr. To anyone else from my past. Not to 3/4, and not to those two who stirred up feelings of mine that shouldn't even be there for a 15yr old. At least, nt for a christian 15yr old. For e other two groups, I see them very often. When I miss them, I will see/ walk past them in sch/elsewhere and feel better.
Not for bbr. Thats why I keep wishing, that maybe just for one day i can spend time w bbr for the last time and say a goodbye properly. But that's impossible, right? So like I said, a wish is a wish for a reason- it's not gonna come true.

Maybe one day when I blank out again, afterwards my brain would automatically say goodbye and erase them completely and I won't ever think of those people anymore.
But at least for now, let me keep the good memories that those who gave them to me have forgotten about...they are too good memories to be just wasted and forgotten like that, right? I shall do the safekeeping..

I know some do rmb, like gb, the ones that still exist in my 'present', just with much smaller roles. But most of them don't, in fact all of them, except maybe whl, gb, kat probably.

Why am I starting on this again. Rofl. Idk. Mind was cluttered w this topic while doing math just now after dinner.
But actually I really felt better after waking up and reading that text.. Can't express my gratitude enough to my 'present', and the other 313ers and friends who have been there for me today be it helping me when I was throwing up like no one's business or sending simple texts to say "take care, get well soon, stay healthy" to show me that they care.
Now:
It's a new group of friends, hopefully new and better experiences. As much as I can't bear to let go of my past.. I think I will learn to appreciate and anticipate my future more(:
To end off, I have a big piece of good news for me to share:
Nycb will be having our own concert on 11 May! (=
it's a small scale family concert, with only family and friends and most probably alumni invited only, but at least we have our own concert.
It's almost a dream come true for me((: for that, im really grateful to the comm(:
(not those that opposed to it though, of course. And i can very well think of who they are cus they are Oh So Pro and the pieces are Tooo Easy! For Them and their faces totally have that "I don't want it" look. Like. Her. Zzzz nvm. She can be the same as Herrrr monster, both wear those two red horns and hold the two red forks together and stand beside the boiling hot pot filled with their love products. Whatever. )
I'm happy we have the concert!

Gonna go sleep now, tmr's a short day that I must live through no matter what! And the rest of this week too. Gnite, have a niceday tmr everyone and for the rest of the week also!
P.S. Dun be so suay like me!
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