Wednesday, February 8, 2012 | 2/08/2012 02:50:00 AM | 0 comments
8 February 2012.its been a year.
i should be happy i survived a year huh.
but the 8th had a different meaning too.
it meant the beginning of a new friendship.
that ended.
sooo why should i be happy.
idk.
why i stayed up so late to finish work?
cus prolly wun be in a very good state to finish work tmr= later today.
and although im feeling really giddy but i wanna blog..
cus. feel very bottled up although im not bottled up?
haha, maybe too many overwhelming feelings at the same time, that make me not know what to say now.
mmmm although i wish that for one day, just for one day, maybe my bbear will be my bbear and come back or that i can see bbear, its like. an impossible thing.
i rmb when i was young i asked my mom "mommy can you ask popo come down from heaven cus i miss her"
its like that- like asking a dead person to revive.
i guess i have to accept the fact that as much as the physical person still exists, the inside is completely different, and my bbear is long gone-or even dead.
miss those eyes. that i could trust. hah.
i guess its gonna be like missing popo, i miss bbear all the time.
but its the kind where you know you're never gonna see that person again kinda feeling and after a while you get used to it. like i get used to missing popo all the time.
or maybe i can start thinking that my bbear migrated to south africa. or bangladash. okay no bangladash bbr hates those pepo. south africa. with all the grizzly bears and bear cubs and brother bears and everything else.
okay im still abit mad from writing that crazy bookerella skit.
need to get more serious.
idk. sometimes i can wear off as these kind of xiao people when im dying inside.
not that i am dying inside now.
just...overwhelmed.. really really overwhelmed.
so i guess im crapping.
and i should go sleep cus im sick.
threw up today two times and no appetite whole day.
but yeah i survived, i have nothing much to complain about.
really dk what to write man.
im supposed to be releasing emotions.
but im not even releasing anything proper and i feel like crying alr is that counted.
no.
cus im crazy.
i should just stop. anyway today is an important day for me. cus i survived a series of close death calls that started exactly 1 year ago. today... its like the remember Dr Toh day. except Dr Toh is my bear. idek what to say cus i cant even talk to bbear anymore although i have smany things to say...cus she's in south africa. haha okay its all just ...idk. that tweet i retweeted that day.. its more painful breaking up w a best friend than a boyfriend. i really agree with that. isnt that why im still thinking of an ex-bestf when i already got past e 2 others? or maybe friendships are just way more ipt to me than relationships. aish dk what i saying give up le shall go sleep gnite.
好像哑巴一样，我有好多好多的话要说。。
可是就像告诉死人一样，就连喊，对方也听不到了。
那说还能怎样呢。。如果是活人，至少还可以在这里说几句，希望那个人看到。
但是。。。一个死人不能读，一个仇敌也怎么会来读呢。我不知道。很乱。心情很乱很乱。
如果能再见到你，1分钟也好。
能听见你说一句真心话，也好。
只要是以前的你，那个没变的好朋友，好姐妹，就好了。
那么那么多的感受和说不出的话中，只有3个字说得出来--我想你。
