Friday, January 6, 2012 | 1/06/2012 10:40:00 PM | 0 comments
These few days have been really bad..Idk what to do about everything and I'm scared to do everything too.
I guess scared cus of bad experiences...
Scared cus Idw the beginning of 2012 to go wrong immediately... But it already is..
Really have many problems goin on although it's the 6th day of the new year..
Band hatred prob solved ytd.. But there's a love-hate relationship w my snr now.
Family still doesn't feel the same, sister suddenly went back to her selfish self that i never could stand.. And cold war w him.. Not even one word in 9days.
Feel very tired with all these alr, but I'm not gonna breakdown now cus i have a longlong way more to go.. So I shall just tolerate and hang in there until everyth gets better.
These few days I also find myself very indecisive and not knowing what I want..
Making me very confused and scared.. Cus not knowing what I want to work for/ my goal make me not know where to go.
Maybe I am a perfectionist who is trying to make 2012 a good year..
Im trying to let go of that side of me and accept whatever comes..
But irdk what I want now and it's just mainly fears of bad experiences fr last year repeating. Fear of doing badly in sch, fear of having dispute w class or anyth, fear of everyth else.. I'm feeling really unsecured and afraid I know. Yet there isn't anything recently that let me feel less scared or more secured.
The only things I know I want now are those 3 for my 15th.
Like I said on twitter.. Everyone can give all 3 to me.. But all 3 are so valuable that not everyone will want to give them..prolly not even 1.
As for what they are, I am keeping them to myself and see who can surprise me with one like Mianjun did ytd.. She gave me a present that actually many ppl give me everyday, except there's sincerity and true care in her gift. She gave the gift specially to me..and not for me to share the gift w others. that's why I was touched.
If anyone manage to guess what the gift was and know me, they will know how particular I am about that gift.. When i want that, I want real quality and together..yes, that's how demanding I am people may think.
Past few days some ppl asked abt em so i decided to blog abit about it here..but I dun intend to tell anyone else what they really are...wanna see who understands me.
Honestly, those 3 demanding gifts are just almost wishful thinking for me ba. I dun really expect anyone to give me any present, not to even say any of the 3...
If from my true friends I can just get a sincere greeting.. Thats enough for me.
Although it may sound ridiculous of me to talk about these when it's so far away still, but that day is a day that I can look forward to and anticipate..
Although it's gonna be a Monday which I kinda expect I will have Monday blues cus of sch and prolly cnt celebrate.. But I still look forward to it.. Because at least on one day in all 365days, I can have the right to hope to feel like someone special to people who mean much to me, on that day, just for one day.
"Smile, and maybe tmr you'll find that life is still worthwhile, if you just smile."
-Smile by Charlie Chaplin
Mj shared that w me this morn.. And that's what's gonna keep me hanging there, smiling, and staying strong. I hope if anyone reads here you'll be encouraged by that too.
Shall work hard and continue jiayou! And believe and hope that everyth will be okay..
Counting down: 24days.
