Saw you today. Missed you smuch and trying t avoid y just killed me more. Finally decided t go up. Thank you. For not pushing me away there and then. For smiling at me. Not being cold and mean in front of everyone.
After just now, I made a decision.
Idwanna be the one getting abandoned anymore.
Read your text. Not you. The other you.
Telling me yre here, y wun leave, trying t convince me t stop pushing y away.
Everyone who left said e same thing. They wouldn't leave.
And I decided. Just dying now once and fr all is good enough.
Enough crashes. This will be e last. Just let myself die now. After I recover from this after who knows when, im gonna stop hurting. Idwanna hurt anymore.
Dwanna see anymore. Dwanna feel anymore. Dwanna know anything else.
Hurting so bad now. Dun even know how to reply. Ily. But who knows how long you're gonna care for smone like me. You're just gonna end up leaving like em.
I miss you. But I'm not good enough for you. You're so almost perfect. I can't fit you. I'm not good enough. Im nt strong enough. Not enough faith. Not even strength. And I thought just hurt for two together will make the pain more worth it.
I'm sorry that e one you care for is a failure. A loser. I'm really done hurting. Done trying to wear a mask. Done seeing and pretending I nvr see anything. Its not that idwanna care. Idk
how to care anymore. It's not tht idwanna open up. Idk how to anymore. Everytime I gather all my courage and open up to people, they'll end up just killing it, stabbing knife thru it, even worse than the short moment of sharp pain, but stabbing again and again many many times for so long. I'm not pushing you away... I never want you to leave. But I'm really scared. Idk
anymore. I really dk what's gonna happen. You're just gonna get sick of me in a while and throw me away like an old toy and idwanna go through all the same things again for e third time. I'm not an old toy, even when abandoned and helpless but cannt feel anything. I'm a living being w a real beating heart and a mind filled w emotions and sense. I want someone to come and never leave. I hoped for that for so long but now I think ive really given up. I really dk what to do. Really drained and can't feel anything anymore. Dk how to reply. Dk how to face you. Ive really let you down and I'm sorry. I really am. I miss you. I really do. But
idk how to tell y that, show y that anymore. Idk how t hug y or laugh at whispered jokes w y. Ive done that, ive tried. Twice. Idw a third one. I really don't.

Someone. Anyone. Everyone. Everyone tht said they'd be always here. I've learnt they won't mean it.

Sohyunman I miss you. All the best for your papers few more days then tests over alr. I will wait for y to finish then tell you everything.

Ive given up.
My outside has frozen into a face smiling all the time.
Nobody will know that all my laughter is fake.
My inside has harden.
Nobody will know how shattered it inside.
Just how much I'd always hope
For e ppl I care for t care for me and stay by me
But jus looking at now, only sohyunman who can't even reply properly cus of tests and our phones' screwed relationship. Is she really e only one who I can lean on and depend on.
Idwanna see no more. Dun wanna feel no more. Dun wanna hurt no more.
And at this rate of physical pain my body gives me for no reason, maybe it's not my enemy but my friend. Maybe it's trying to distract me from e real pain inside. Maybe it just wants t let me off cus it feels so bad for me. No matter what. I just hope everything end faster.
Let my heart die once and for all. Let my body collapse if it wants to once and for all.
I can't take all these continuous prolong pain anymore.
Yes I'm weak. I'm struggling. Ive failed so miserably.
I've tried. I really have.
Someone. Trust me. Help me and stop hurting me or doubting that I haven't tried hard enough. Stop everything for me. I know I know I know. I know I'm a failure. So can someone just stop judging and looking at me and scolding me this way. I dun want to be all these too. But that's just how fail I am. I really can't take anymore le. Please. I'm pleading. Someone. Come help me... Come back to me... Show me you can go back to those you have pushed away... Cus I'm missing gb alr... Yet...yet.I dun want...
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MiL EniledA.
an average 14-year old;
Wishes come true on 30 Jan;
Taonannite 2006-2009, BiCEPer 2007-2009, NYgirl 2010-2011;
adeline30197@hotmail.com.

Wants.
God. True Friends. Family. Love. Care. Health. Happiness. Simplicity. Peace. Everything to be okay.

Her Thoughts | Her Words | Friends | Friends | Friends

Saw you today. Missed you smuch and trying t avoid y just killed me more. Finally decided t go up. Thank you. For not pushing me away there and then. For smiling at me. Not being cold and mean in front of everyone.
After just now, I made a decision.
Idwanna be the one getting abandoned anymore.
Read your text. Not you. The other you.
Telling me yre here, y wun leave, trying t convince me t stop pushing y away.
Everyone who left said e same thing. They wouldn't leave.
And I decided. Just dying now once and fr all is good enough.
Enough crashes. This will be e last. Just let myself die now. After I recover from this after who knows when, im gonna stop hurting. Idwanna hurt anymore.
Dwanna see anymore. Dwanna feel anymore. Dwanna know anything else.
Hurting so bad now. Dun even know how to reply. Ily. But who knows how long you're gonna care for smone like me. You're just gonna end up leaving like em.
I miss you. But I'm not good enough for you. You're so almost perfect. I can't fit you. I'm not good enough. Im nt strong enough. Not enough faith. Not even strength. And I thought just hurt for two together will make the pain more worth it.
I'm sorry that e one you care for is a failure. A loser. I'm really done hurting. Done trying to wear a mask. Done seeing and pretending I nvr see anything. Its not that idwanna care. Idk
how to care anymore. It's not tht idwanna open up. Idk how to anymore. Everytime I gather all my courage and open up to people, they'll end up just killing it, stabbing knife thru it, even worse than the short moment of sharp pain, but stabbing again and again many many times for so long. I'm not pushing you away... I never want you to leave. But I'm really scared. Idk
anymore. I really dk what's gonna happen. You're just gonna get sick of me in a while and throw me away like an old toy and idwanna go through all the same things again for e third time. I'm not an old toy, even when abandoned and helpless but cannt feel anything. I'm a living being w a real beating heart and a mind filled w emotions and sense. I want someone to come and never leave. I hoped for that for so long but now I think ive really given up. I really dk what to do. Really drained and can't feel anything anymore. Dk how to reply. Dk how to face you. Ive really let you down and I'm sorry. I really am. I miss you. I really do. But
idk how to tell y that, show y that anymore. Idk how t hug y or laugh at whispered jokes w y. Ive done that, ive tried. Twice. Idw a third one. I really don't.

Someone. Anyone. Everyone. Everyone tht said they'd be always here. I've learnt they won't mean it.

Sohyunman I miss you. All the best for your papers few more days then tests over alr. I will wait for y to finish then tell you everything.

Ive given up.
My outside has frozen into a face smiling all the time.
Nobody will know that all my laughter is fake.
My inside has harden.
Nobody will know how shattered it inside.
Just how much I'd always hope
For e ppl I care for t care for me and stay by me
But jus looking at now, only sohyunman who can't even reply properly cus of tests and our phones' screwed relationship. Is she really e only one who I can lean on and depend on.
Idwanna see no more. Dun wanna feel no more. Dun wanna hurt no more.
And at this rate of physical pain my body gives me for no reason, maybe it's not my enemy but my friend. Maybe it's trying to distract me from e real pain inside. Maybe it just wants t let me off cus it feels so bad for me. No matter what. I just hope everything end faster.
Let my heart die once and for all. Let my body collapse if it wants to once and for all.
I can't take all these continuous prolong pain anymore.
Yes I'm weak. I'm struggling. Ive failed so miserably.
I've tried. I really have.
Someone. Trust me. Help me and stop hurting me or doubting that I haven't tried hard enough. Stop everything for me. I know I know I know. I know I'm a failure. So can someone just stop judging and looking at me and scolding me this way. I dun want to be all these too. But that's just how fail I am. I really can't take anymore le. Please. I'm pleading. Someone. Come help me... Come back to me... Show me you can go back to those you have pushed away... Cus I'm missing gb alr... Yet...yet.I dun want...
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