Saturday, July 30, 2011 | 7/30/2011 06:11:00 AM | 0 comments
Attempting to blog fr touch. Cool man. Soooooo. Why am I blogging at this hour. Irdk. Just woke up at 430 and couldn't go back to sleep. Must be my brain being sad that I was so unproductive yesterday and tryig to tell me wake up earlier to study. Sigh. What really happened yesterday...me and nich both dk. We're thinking it's cus of TGIF and our brains shut down. Anw I did only one chapter of history and 2 pages of chem. For smany hours >< sigh maybe tday dun go fellowship le and stay home study ba :/ still need to practice math X10000000000000 and Chinese.
For the first time in my life other than e P3 first Chinese paper I took in taonan that I'm actually worried for my Chinese paper. Sigh.
Okay hmm Why am I randomly crapping huh. I think my brain's like half working half not working. Why do I have such a retarded brain =.=
Shall move on to...my thoughts! I think I need to categorize what I write so my brain classifies them. These few days Prolly cus of stress and PMS I think I was moody a few times. Like when stress and worry for ships and exams come in, I just get lost and idk what. Get stuck in a maze? Then I'll need someone to show me the "light" and bring me outta it. At times, I feel like my life sucks and is like totally horrible and no one understands or can go through worse and everything. Then I look around and realize there are people living worser off lives than me. Really worser off than me. And then I realize God actually has prepared a nice life for me. All the problems that came esp e big case have all been blown away like wind by Him. That's how almighty and amazing my Father is. Everytime I see people who are fighting hard to stay strong although things are unpleasant for them, I dun actually feel pity for em. Okay a little pity and sympathy maybe. But it's more of admiration for them. For how they can stay so strong even when everything's going wrong. And that when I face problems I end up screwing up many things and just think my life must be some suckiest shit ever, and yet they can face their problems much worser than mine facetoface. That kind of character-attitude even, really gets my admiration and respect. And I actually feel like i wanna get close to them, get to know them, get to accompany and be near them, not cus they're cool or not cus I wanna have more friends or what, but just to accompany them to finish that face of their life and encourage them to never give up.
And that's the kind of shero I wanna become. Like those strong ppl out there. Wanna be brave and face all problems positively and know Nothin is Impossible with God. Of course, I know these strong people all have their sources and pillars of strengths, and those are friends. I know i have strong pillars too. Although sometimes my pillars might disappear a while or appear invisible, i need to learn to trust them that they're here for me... Even when things seem lonely and I can't find anyone, I think I have to be brave and learn how to be alone..
Cus no one can really be by me 24/7. Sho. Yup. Oh yeah shall blog about Thursday! Yunman came over then we talked and talked and talked and talked and we baked cookies (I actually did most of e work cus she didn't like baking smuch) but anw yeah we baked. Then we camwhored! HAH that was like e funnest thing we did man! Laugh like mad all my lappy's retarded webcam funny program and it's retarded animations (but e effects were Really quite nice xP ) yup then we went on Facebook and she intro-ed me some of her st.nics friends then we went to stalk a few bicep people's profiles and we just talked a lot ^^ It really felt nice. Like although the ship never sink even when we cannot meet, but it feel so nice talkin face to face instead of texting. Thanks dear for suggesting the meetup last last week Which basically made my mood dam awesome and for this Thursday that cheered me up and give me energy boost for Monday-wed!
Of course, I need to thank my awesome gb for everything tht i can't thank enough for. It's like yeah really hahaha xP the rest thank in private xP
Ahhz. Today Saturday le. 1 day left to study, eh wait actually 2! Aiye but nvr count today
Then 5 more days to freedom!! ^^ shall buck up and last through five more days! Jiayou limwoonhim you can do it! ((:
Must always remember to have positive attitude to face everything and know that nothing is as bad as it seems when you have positive attitude. And must take care of my protesting stomach so it doesn't fight me for the next few days! And must learn to...let people into my heart now. Yeah that's what sumbardy said. Maybe I havent realized myself, and haven't learnt how to open up, but apparently and now thinking probably's true, ive closed up my heart to Many people. Close people. With them it's more masks and masks, no one really see me being sad or anything anymore. It's not that Im never sad, neither am I always sad, but I guess it's like probably I just.... Closed myself up. So after bts, I'll learn t spend more time w those ive drifted from.. Try to get to know them again, place my trust in them, and open up to them again ba. Meanwhile, hope that if I'm sad or what these few days, the important pillars of my life will be there for me even if I seem ridiculous or never tell them the reason why I feel the way I feel... Yup.
It's 6! Have been blogging for half hour omgah. Not really sleepy yet but stomach starting to ache again so gonna try t sleep soon. I actually really really think ive been blogging crap for the past half hour but I think I managed to release some over-controlled-emotions that I've held on these while like someone told me to try to blog so it would be released. It's kinda like sending negative energy away or sth haha. Can't really feel anything but hope letting out some stuff will help me to be more relaxed and feel better for bts!
Kkay gonna look for some nice pics see whether can save in touch and upload later! (: get ready for photo spam!
Ah can't upload pics fr touch boooohooooo. Nvm will transfer t Lappy and upload latr! Shall try t go back t sleep now
