Friday, March 18, 2011 | 3/18/2011 01:42:00 AM | 0 comments
1.11!
dam effing freaking bloody pissed.
okay ugh shall control language and temper.__.
cant sleep .__.
finished math le finally!
must do LA tmr or sth cus i stupidly left my LA file in school .__.
tmr we're supposed to go shopping in Msia.
tmr i need to go supermarket to get stuff for BS and dump stuff into bags and bags of bags.
dun feel like going Msia alr. want to stay at home, rest, pack, be busy, finish stuff.
Saturday also feel like going home after meeting and pack and not join in e bbq :/
sunday checking into boarding school lerh ): very scared ): what if i cannot sleep at night cus i miss home ): what if i dun like e food ): what if my clothes dun dry in time ): what if i hate e study sessions ): what if i cant get along w my roommates ): what if it turns out to be like prison ): what if i fall sick then i got no one to tell because i wun be able to trust anyone )): ahhh ohmannn ): ahh shyt i wanna back out now T.T
freaking worried about BTs, bet everyone alr almost half done mugging, i hvnt evn started on first sub math yet ohman now e percentages all become higher idw to fail and die T.T
ahhhh dying of worry ))))))))))))))))))))=
so dam tired.
this whole holiday didnt get to rest at all manz.
mon was exchange, went home slept like xiao cus so tired,
tues band also, went home and sleep also cus so tired ):
wed did project and jap
today band and slack and jap . at least today went out for lunch.
left tmr.
thn sat which have meeting. and tentatively bbq.
sun all checking into BS and all tht lerh ):
nxt friday start BTs ler.
after that have SYF and Jap CA2.
if fail Jap CA2 agn will really get forced to quit le. shall hang in there for 4 more weeks..
cant imagine what band life will be after SYF.. will we be demoralised by our results or overwhelmed with emotions? but im sure we'll feel very empty.. no more competitions and no more common goals to work towards to :/ hope we can have e concert, so we have stuff to do again..
1.23am.
there hurting like xiao again, but cant go to sleep :/
sigh .__.
i should be happy!
yesterday i was so touched i cried cus keyecheng was so nice,
then kathy was so sweet on twitter,
and even angeline lim was nice to me!
today was even better,
i didnt die at all,
fang was quite nice too,
spent some time w keyecheng also,
then jaimelynne surprise me w e marshmallow bunnies,
until i cry again.
then went xinwang w liwei xinyu and fang,
laugh and talk like xiao there for almost 3 hrs..
came home went cut hair and quite happy w e hairstyle.
i should be happy! but im a lousy person, always unsatisfied and idk how to make myself satisfied :/
somehow after all these, i still feel so empty inside ):
recently i have drifted too far away from God. :/
its like no one cares.
not at all.
random chat w hazel and we talk altgt less thn 30 sentence excld e rubbish grp chat.
chat w yunman less thn 20mins she had to sign off alr
everyone is so busy w their own lives they have no time to meddle with mine.
HPCBB didnt reply my msg aftr so long ): so scared she is angry w me :'/
but i cant expect so much from everyone either, someone like me cannot expect so much :/
i feel like fighting a war w myself liddat, so stupid.
LWH ah LWH must learn to be more contented and stop expecting so much le!! .___.
SIGH.
i feel like im gonna explode any second any minute any hour any day.
SIGH.
1.34am.
gnite!
really cant hang on to e invisible rope much longer le.
so mentally physically spiritually exhausted.
someday when i decide to let go and give up,
i dun think anyone would be able to get me to keep e fight going.
or maybe no one would even bother/care/know that im dying and giving up to tell me to continue fighting.
