hi blah.
need to vent out crazy emotions.
ZOMG PLAYFUL KISS IS DAM DAM DAM DAM DAM FREAKING AWESOME.
better than the TW vers [ i learnt tht it was 恶作剧之吻 which is not bad but this is 100 times better <3]
so yeah.
rgd exams......
geog and history can prepare to get F9 -sob-
LA also kinda gone, think my worked-so-hard-for As in term 1 and 2 and 3 all 泡汤 already -scream-
math paper 2 and chinese paper 1 was quite okay i guess xD
blah.
i wan die alr.
chinese paper 2 the CHENG YUs all so hard -faint- i dun understand anything after number 70 plus.
math havent really touched yet cus my paper 2 was still ... yesterday =.=
SCIENCEEE D: kill me D:
i only managed to do chem and physics today -sob-
tmr must chiong bio. and my bio B3 leh zzzz.
dun feel like going to church tmr cus is only service got no sunday school or what -yeah i know i'm such a horrid christian right.-
everyone during exam time never go church. even our own church people.
my whole life always go church except when i sick or what.
dun feel like going tmr thou :/
 damn sick and tired of being outcast leow.
zzzzzzz.
want to change church, last time i said NO so violently tht they cant change, now i want to change so badly and whole family stone there. -no comments- pft.
i know go church is learn about God and serve, worship, praise him.
but i dun really like the people there now. :/ not the english preacher who attempts hard to speak mandarin but sadly fails at it and FOR SOME REASON since CAMP 2010 i had 反感 for him. zzz.
heard he's gonna be very involved in our chinese side activities which kinda sorta well quite turns me off.
and yeahhh. church undergoing so much changes now. they're tryin to combine and make everything bilingual and all that.
daddy was like trying to jokingly say " if we leave now then uncle tau wei and uncle eugene just become preacher and we leave like so bad cause they need our support blablablablacrap"
whatshytwasthat.
so invisible in church, i think  we would be better off NOT going there, then we would HELP them.
YEAH.
oh well.
just wanted to say how i feel.
my christian faith now always off on off on one.
i also dk what's wrong with me.
maybe already given up leow. given up on all hopes and everything. yeah. given up.
then go to church and find nice people who i could feel care about me as a sister and a friend and give me encouragements, comforts at this crazy point of my life BESIDES trying to find back my faith for God while wanting to listen to some MEANINGFUL talks about how to EARN BACK and STAY ON my christian faith. BUT i every month first week end up go annex hall listen to the pastor talk about our CHURCH plans for the year, every single month first 15-20 minutes JUST talking about church plans, somemore keep repeating. in Youth Service uncle tau wei and some of them really give meaningful speeches, some others turn me off even more than the pastor.
zzzzzzzz.
something's wrong with me.
i dun even know myself.
BLAH BLEEE BLOOOH BLEEHHH BLOHHHH.
if only i wasn't so imperfect or bad at everything, maybe things wouldn't hav turned out this way now.
maybe people would still like me in church and not treat me as invisible.
or maybe if i was a little bit better, i could have more faith in God.
SIGH.
why are some people JUST SO PERFECT and pretty and good looking and slim and smart and everything? then they're christian faith also so good, piano so good, everything so good, they want flirt with who also flirt with who then people always reply them and smile and all that. ITS SO FREAKING HURTFUL. i know my piano and everything suck like shyt, i'm super fat and super stupid, super bad character and super bad looks. but it really hurts when u see other people who u know longer get along well and flirt with people they only know for say 3 days while ignoring u for 3 years? its like, indirectly, people are telling you "who you think you are, so what if i know you, you so lousy and sucker, why would i be friends with you, of course is talk to the cute smart pretty talented slim nice person here luh!" and then you're completely ignored and invisible. it hurts so much. even in pri school, i didnt hurt so badly.
i guess it hurts more now cause i've known these people so long, i've grown up in this place my entire life, and suddenly to be outcasted like this, i dunno what to say.
everyone just loves ignoring me there. idk why. i must be really that lousy hurh.
like I DUNNO! even in something like MID AUTUMN FESTIVAL, i didnt even get asked to help or what. i grew up in church, since i was 0 years old, i have been in church for 13 years , and everyone else's birthday they had cards since P4 or P5, this is the FIRST year i'm receiving cards cause people only REMEMBER that i HAVE A BIRTHDAY and AM A HUMAN via facebook [I THINK]. shows something bout how shyt i am to everyone hurh. yeah.  its okay. it really is. everyone happy can already lor, everything goes well for church and the church is okay then okay, right? include all the IMPORTANT POPULAR GOOD CHRISTIAN FAITH GOOD VOICE EVERYTHING GOOD people to be in the BEST plans. then shyt people like me who SUCK LIKE CRAZY at everything can just go and rot at one corner and have her heart shot a thousand daggers dying alone. i thought in church it could be a place where we can be who we really are and everyone love one another and be happy and help one another and no discrimination. how come now when we undergo so much changes, we start to have outcasts and lousy people like me become the group that cannot help or serve just because i am lousy? i go to church for God. every week i tell myself that. still i cant help feeling lonely and outcasted. in church where suppose to be BROTHERS AND SISTERS with everyone, i am BROTHER AND SISTER with GOD. he's my only friend. and in church everyone else have friends with everyone else. so freaking pathetic. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz whatthe shyt. i wasted so much time emoing on something that no longer bothers about me anymore. waste my freaking stupid time. i'm not even done with my bio. if i wanna go on slacking so much and what, freak out on emotions and have PMS on myself cause no one even bothers and cares, i can just happily go and flunk my EOYS and get kicked out of NYGH.

MY LIFE IS SO SCREWED NOW.URGH.
AND NOBODY GIVES A DAMN.
NO ONE KNOWS, NO ONE CARES, NO ONE UNDERSTANDS. OR EVEN BOTHER TO.
WHY ARE SOME PEOPLE JUST SO PERFECT AND SO LOVED BY EVERYONE?
i just envy the way they're so good at everything. perfect. sigh. :/ when can i be 1/100 as good as everybody, so that maybe one person will care about my freaking gone and ruined life besides God?

 you always scold me and ask why i so foolish dk how to protect myself, but no one taught me that i needed to protect myself in this world, so now my whole life is collapsing cus i really dk how to protect myself. even now, i cant do anything bout my life, but i dun wanna get hurt anymore, yet no one wants to help me. all these is so painful, i just want them over. they hurt so bad. 
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MiL EniledA.
an average 14-year old;
Wishes come true on 30 Jan;
Taonannite 2006-2009, BiCEPer 2007-2009, NYgirl 2010-2011;
adeline30197@hotmail.com.

Wants.
God. True Friends. Family. Love. Care. Health. Happiness. Simplicity. Peace. Everything to be okay.

Her Thoughts | Her Words | Friends | Friends | Friends

hi blah.
need to vent out crazy emotions.
ZOMG PLAYFUL KISS IS DAM DAM DAM DAM DAM FREAKING AWESOME.
better than the TW vers [ i learnt tht it was 恶作剧之吻 which is not bad but this is 100 times better <3]
so yeah.
rgd exams......
geog and history can prepare to get F9 -sob-
LA also kinda gone, think my worked-so-hard-for As in term 1 and 2 and 3 all 泡汤 already -scream-
math paper 2 and chinese paper 1 was quite okay i guess xD
blah.
i wan die alr.
chinese paper 2 the CHENG YUs all so hard -faint- i dun understand anything after number 70 plus.
math havent really touched yet cus my paper 2 was still ... yesterday =.=
SCIENCEEE D: kill me D:
i only managed to do chem and physics today -sob-
tmr must chiong bio. and my bio B3 leh zzzz.
dun feel like going to church tmr cus is only service got no sunday school or what -yeah i know i'm such a horrid christian right.-
everyone during exam time never go church. even our own church people.
my whole life always go church except when i sick or what.
dun feel like going tmr thou :/
 damn sick and tired of being outcast leow.
zzzzzzz.
want to change church, last time i said NO so violently tht they cant change, now i want to change so badly and whole family stone there. -no comments- pft.
i know go church is learn about God and serve, worship, praise him.
but i dun really like the people there now. :/ not the english preacher who attempts hard to speak mandarin but sadly fails at it and FOR SOME REASON since CAMP 2010 i had 反感 for him. zzz.
heard he's gonna be very involved in our chinese side activities which kinda sorta well quite turns me off.
and yeahhh. church undergoing so much changes now. they're tryin to combine and make everything bilingual and all that.
daddy was like trying to jokingly say " if we leave now then uncle tau wei and uncle eugene just become preacher and we leave like so bad cause they need our support blablablablacrap"
whatshytwasthat.
so invisible in church, i think  we would be better off NOT going there, then we would HELP them.
YEAH.
oh well.
just wanted to say how i feel.
my christian faith now always off on off on one.
i also dk what's wrong with me.
maybe already given up leow. given up on all hopes and everything. yeah. given up.
then go to church and find nice people who i could feel care about me as a sister and a friend and give me encouragements, comforts at this crazy point of my life BESIDES trying to find back my faith for God while wanting to listen to some MEANINGFUL talks about how to EARN BACK and STAY ON my christian faith. BUT i every month first week end up go annex hall listen to the pastor talk about our CHURCH plans for the year, every single month first 15-20 minutes JUST talking about church plans, somemore keep repeating. in Youth Service uncle tau wei and some of them really give meaningful speeches, some others turn me off even more than the pastor.
zzzzzzzz.
something's wrong with me.
i dun even know myself.
BLAH BLEEE BLOOOH BLEEHHH BLOHHHH.
if only i wasn't so imperfect or bad at everything, maybe things wouldn't hav turned out this way now.
maybe people would still like me in church and not treat me as invisible.
or maybe if i was a little bit better, i could have more faith in God.
SIGH.
why are some people JUST SO PERFECT and pretty and good looking and slim and smart and everything? then they're christian faith also so good, piano so good, everything so good, they want flirt with who also flirt with who then people always reply them and smile and all that. ITS SO FREAKING HURTFUL. i know my piano and everything suck like shyt, i'm super fat and super stupid, super bad character and super bad looks. but it really hurts when u see other people who u know longer get along well and flirt with people they only know for say 3 days while ignoring u for 3 years? its like, indirectly, people are telling you "who you think you are, so what if i know you, you so lousy and sucker, why would i be friends with you, of course is talk to the cute smart pretty talented slim nice person here luh!" and then you're completely ignored and invisible. it hurts so much. even in pri school, i didnt hurt so badly.
i guess it hurts more now cause i've known these people so long, i've grown up in this place my entire life, and suddenly to be outcasted like this, i dunno what to say.
everyone just loves ignoring me there. idk why. i must be really that lousy hurh.
like I DUNNO! even in something like MID AUTUMN FESTIVAL, i didnt even get asked to help or what. i grew up in church, since i was 0 years old, i have been in church for 13 years , and everyone else's birthday they had cards since P4 or P5, this is the FIRST year i'm receiving cards cause people only REMEMBER that i HAVE A BIRTHDAY and AM A HUMAN via facebook [I THINK]. shows something bout how shyt i am to everyone hurh. yeah.  its okay. it really is. everyone happy can already lor, everything goes well for church and the church is okay then okay, right? include all the IMPORTANT POPULAR GOOD CHRISTIAN FAITH GOOD VOICE EVERYTHING GOOD people to be in the BEST plans. then shyt people like me who SUCK LIKE CRAZY at everything can just go and rot at one corner and have her heart shot a thousand daggers dying alone. i thought in church it could be a place where we can be who we really are and everyone love one another and be happy and help one another and no discrimination. how come now when we undergo so much changes, we start to have outcasts and lousy people like me become the group that cannot help or serve just because i am lousy? i go to church for God. every week i tell myself that. still i cant help feeling lonely and outcasted. in church where suppose to be BROTHERS AND SISTERS with everyone, i am BROTHER AND SISTER with GOD. he's my only friend. and in church everyone else have friends with everyone else. so freaking pathetic. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz whatthe shyt. i wasted so much time emoing on something that no longer bothers about me anymore. waste my freaking stupid time. i'm not even done with my bio. if i wanna go on slacking so much and what, freak out on emotions and have PMS on myself cause no one even bothers and cares, i can just happily go and flunk my EOYS and get kicked out of NYGH.

MY LIFE IS SO SCREWED NOW.URGH.
AND NOBODY GIVES A DAMN.
NO ONE KNOWS, NO ONE CARES, NO ONE UNDERSTANDS. OR EVEN BOTHER TO.
WHY ARE SOME PEOPLE JUST SO PERFECT AND SO LOVED BY EVERYONE?
i just envy the way they're so good at everything. perfect. sigh. :/ when can i be 1/100 as good as everybody, so that maybe one person will care about my freaking gone and ruined life besides God?

 you always scold me and ask why i so foolish dk how to protect myself, but no one taught me that i needed to protect myself in this world, so now my whole life is collapsing cus i really dk how to protect myself. even now, i cant do anything bout my life, but i dun wanna get hurt anymore, yet no one wants to help me. all these is so painful, i just want them over. they hurt so bad. 
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