Friday, August 27, 2010 | 8/27/2010 10:52:00 PM | 0 comments
dun read. unpleasant stuff like the previous post, but not as much unpleasant content as the previous "invisible" post, still dun read if u want to remain happy and all that.
other than God, who else's lives need me?
hahahaha,
no one at all..
my life is totally worthless, not even that, my entire life doesnt have any freaking impact on others' at all.
im just so pathetic, always think i have many friends who care about me, yes i do..
i hate it that no one understands anything i'm going through except God.
i hate it that i have so many people who i can trust to tell things to, but i just cant say anything.
i'm really so scared.
i lost my direction.
every fake smile i smile in school seems so real,
only to become faker and faker after i go home.
who can i cry to?
i got no more tears to cry already.
no more..
i want to scream and shout.
i feel damn bottled up. bottled up until going to explode next minute.
who will listen? everybody so busy with their own lives, no time for me.
if have is complain about how busy their own life is how tired they are, blablabla.
im damn tired of all those shyt already. i dun want to go on being the nice person around.
i hate it when i keep giving and no one say thank you, appreciate or what.
no one wants me around, no no.
not my church, not my friends, not my classmates, not my family [well maybe my parents do, but im such a huge burden].
i cant believe, i'm an outcast in church?
the place where i grew up, where i spent my whole life in?
i freaking cant believe it. i cant. i hate it that those idiots come into MY life, ruin MY childhood and MY teenage life, form THEIR own freaking cliques, behave like OH IM SO NOT AH LIANZ.
angeline has her own BSF group.
me? hahaha, me, i have God lor.
my friend is God, my clique is God, so cool right.
those good friends of mine all fly away, abandon me one person here.
i want to shout scream and tell them how much i hate them for changing and leaving.
thats my pathetic church life now. my life has been ruined by OH IM SO NOT AH LIANZ AND SO NOT STUPID people.
i do one class tee all the shyt come in.
people complain here complain there.
how many people actually stop and say " thank you adeline for helping"
im really so tired.
tired of my life.
i know i must treasure this life that God has given me
im more fortunate than others.
but i'm really tired.
my inside already like dead already.
i just cant wait for the day to come, when God will pick me back home.
one moment, i think that i dun want to die and sadden those who love me,
next moment, i think, my whole funeral maybe at most 10 people come only.
or maybe no one come.
hahaha.
so fail right me, everywhere try to help and fill gaps, everywhere gap fill already i'm not needed anymore.
im just an unimportant piece of shyt, a piece of shyt that people only sms or talk to when they have no one to talk to, only when they need entertainment or what.
if u want entertainment, next time go and find electronic stuff, have more than me.
i know people care about me.
but no one cares enough.
i just hope someone would hear me, dun even need to hear me..
u just spend 1 hour with me? i dunno, just one hour or something?
accompany me go to beach, or shopping, or do something with me , let me know that "oh, i have this friend who's always here for me"
i dunno how much time i have left here.
i dun wanna leave feeling so regretful that my life was so unimportant and worthless,
and that no one cared even when i was alive, who will bother about my ashes next time?
even support need to be reestablished,support need to be restructure so it will become stronger.
i am a collapsing structure. soon i will no longer be able to support myself, much less anyone.
and no one would feel that i collapse, because i have no impact on others.
so fail right, 13 years of my life, i dunno how long i'm left with, i have no impact on people at all.
i jsut hope in my remaining time i can help as many people as i can, serve God and everyone as best as i can, hope that my life maybe can change just one small tiny part of just someone else's life.
cause im just that unimportant.
unimportant until when my heart is bleeding no one can feel,
when my inside is screaming so loudly for help no one can hear,
when tears roll down from inside my eyes to my throat and swallow into my stomach secretly no one can see,
when i fake smile and tell everybody i am okay, no one can tell.
this is my so unimportant life.
i cant wait for this no purpose, no meaning life to end.
i really want to ...
