what's the point of complaining when it doesnt change anything?
what's the point of telling anyone anything when it doesnt change anything?
what's the point of crying when it doesnt say anything?
what's the point of living when one is so unimportant and worthless, and so tired of life? 
again and again, disappointment and disappointment.
when will this all end?
when will everything be okay? 


WILL SOMEONE BRING ME TO SOME PLACE WHERE NO ONE WILL WATCH IF I SCREAM ALL MY ANGER, FRUSTRATION, AND SADNESS OFF?
WILL SOMEONE CHEER ME UP, BE THERE FOR ME AND HELP ME TO STAND UP AGAIN?
WILL ANYONE ALWAYS SUPPORT ME AND TELL WHEN I"M HAPPY AND WHEN IM PRETENDING?
forget it, ANYONE/SOMEONE isn't even a living thing.
no one will.
cuz no one even cares. (=
no one does (=
i shall stop deceiving myself that you guys do.
you guys stop deceiving yourselves that you all do.
lets all stop all these pretense.
maybe i won't have to hate myself so much then.
all i ever wantED was for a listening ear, a helping hand, a smile provider, a  comforting hug, an encouragement, anything.
now, all i want is for everything to be okay.
i just want everything to end.
if i won't, i'm really afraid someday i will just go crazy.
i really am afraid.
but right now, i have already given up total hope that anyone would even care, much less help me to be less afraid.
i tried to ask for help, and no one provided help.
i hate the way i've changed so much, i dun even know who i am.
i just want a simpler life where i no longer have to worry about so many things.
i dun think many people my age would have these much to worry about. 
why me then? why me? 
and why has God chosen ME to be the one to HAVE TO accept all THESE, and NOT provide me with ANYTHING or ANY HELP?
WHY?
i know i really should just hand everything over to Him and trust Him, but i really wanna know why..
maybe when i meet him, i will ask him.. i will meet him... hopefully.. soon.. (=
sigh.
tomorrow have homework due.
i haven't prepared for church bible quiz cum competition.
haven't done youth worship powerpoint.
haven't prepared speech, soul and heart for leading worship.
i dun even know what i'm doing.
all i want to do is sleep, read, sleep, go to school.
sleep cause i escape from reality.
read,cause i know even if i'm not those lucky characters in those books, i can experience the happiness and joy they have, even if my life in reality make me feel like im suffocating.
go to school, cause even if i hate myself for what i do, i smile and laugh my head off, and people believe me, so i dun have to face so much questioning, and i can try to ignore all my bad results and ignore all my problems, and just concentrate on all the facade.
this's my life now.
full of unrealistic reality.
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MiL EniledA.
an average 14-year old;
Wishes come true on 30 Jan;
Taonannite 2006-2009, BiCEPer 2007-2009, NYgirl 2010-2011;
adeline30197@hotmail.com.

Wants.
God. True Friends. Family. Love. Care. Health. Happiness. Simplicity. Peace. Everything to be okay.

Her Thoughts | Her Words | Friends | Friends | Friends

what's the point of complaining when it doesnt change anything?
what's the point of telling anyone anything when it doesnt change anything?
what's the point of crying when it doesnt say anything?
what's the point of living when one is so unimportant and worthless, and so tired of life? 
again and again, disappointment and disappointment.
when will this all end?
when will everything be okay? 


WILL SOMEONE BRING ME TO SOME PLACE WHERE NO ONE WILL WATCH IF I SCREAM ALL MY ANGER, FRUSTRATION, AND SADNESS OFF?
WILL SOMEONE CHEER ME UP, BE THERE FOR ME AND HELP ME TO STAND UP AGAIN?
WILL ANYONE ALWAYS SUPPORT ME AND TELL WHEN I"M HAPPY AND WHEN IM PRETENDING?
forget it, ANYONE/SOMEONE isn't even a living thing.
no one will.
cuz no one even cares. (=
no one does (=
i shall stop deceiving myself that you guys do.
you guys stop deceiving yourselves that you all do.
lets all stop all these pretense.
maybe i won't have to hate myself so much then.
all i ever wantED was for a listening ear, a helping hand, a smile provider, a  comforting hug, an encouragement, anything.
now, all i want is for everything to be okay.
i just want everything to end.
if i won't, i'm really afraid someday i will just go crazy.
i really am afraid.
but right now, i have already given up total hope that anyone would even care, much less help me to be less afraid.
i tried to ask for help, and no one provided help.
i hate the way i've changed so much, i dun even know who i am.
i just want a simpler life where i no longer have to worry about so many things.
i dun think many people my age would have these much to worry about. 
why me then? why me? 
and why has God chosen ME to be the one to HAVE TO accept all THESE, and NOT provide me with ANYTHING or ANY HELP?
WHY?
i know i really should just hand everything over to Him and trust Him, but i really wanna know why..
maybe when i meet him, i will ask him.. i will meet him... hopefully.. soon.. (=
sigh.
tomorrow have homework due.
i haven't prepared for church bible quiz cum competition.
haven't done youth worship powerpoint.
haven't prepared speech, soul and heart for leading worship.
i dun even know what i'm doing.
all i want to do is sleep, read, sleep, go to school.
sleep cause i escape from reality.
read,cause i know even if i'm not those lucky characters in those books, i can experience the happiness and joy they have, even if my life in reality make me feel like im suffocating.
go to school, cause even if i hate myself for what i do, i smile and laugh my head off, and people believe me, so i dun have to face so much questioning, and i can try to ignore all my bad results and ignore all my problems, and just concentrate on all the facade.
this's my life now.
full of unrealistic reality.
Older Post | Newer Post