i didnt do any work today at all.
and some other factors which isn't really safe to say in public made my mood so horrid.
.___.
i hate growin up. like emotionally and mentally >.<
forget it forget it.
i'm getting more and more spooked out as more and more people tell me they've been reading this public blog thing.
but yeah.
i'm not going to reveal too much here.
anyway i'll write more stuff in the private one.
which is like going to be done sometime.
tomorrow if i dun at least do 1 chinese SIA AND my math ace-learning worksheets, I WILL JUMP INTO SPACE. YES I WILL.

now so often, 
i feel like Rose in VA.
our characters are like really alike i realized.
both of us, unable to trust anyone.
we keep things to ourselves.
she thinks she has this dark side.
so do i. i told many people, the dark side i have, no one will be able to touch it.
every so often i reveal a little of my dark side.
but truth is, i dun think any living human on earth might actually hit or touch that dark side of mine.
and i really really really really hate it that, on this huge earth,
someone like me dun even deserve ONE person's almost-full attention. 
and i really really really really really really hate it that no one understands and cares.
sigh.
turns out the supposed-to-excel-in-everything me screwed her life up seriously
turns out i'm not as PERFECT as those church friends-of-my-parents EXPECT and THINK about me.
turns out i'm just a total major failure in everything
turns out I REALLY DONT CARE,
CAUSE I SERIOUSLY DUNNO WHAT ELSE IN LIFE I HAVE THAT CAN KEEP ME GOING.
NOTHING.
NOT FRIENDS [DO I EVEN HAVE ANY?], NOT FAMILY [DO THEY EVEN CARE?], NOT ANYONE. NOT ANYTHING. BOOKS? I BET SOMEWHERE ELSE IN THE GALAXY, THEY HV BOOKS TOO.
NOTHING.
i've lost.
i surrender.
will reality let me go now? just for ONE moment? 
does anyone know why? know how?
maybe God does... but does He even want to help?
Older Post | Newer Post

MiL EniledA.
an average 14-year old;
Wishes come true on 30 Jan;
Taonannite 2006-2009, BiCEPer 2007-2009, NYgirl 2010-2011;
adeline30197@hotmail.com.

Wants.
God. True Friends. Family. Love. Care. Health. Happiness. Simplicity. Peace. Everything to be okay.

Her Thoughts | Her Words | Friends | Friends | Friends

i didnt do any work today at all.
and some other factors which isn't really safe to say in public made my mood so horrid.
.___.
i hate growin up. like emotionally and mentally >.<
forget it forget it.
i'm getting more and more spooked out as more and more people tell me they've been reading this public blog thing.
but yeah.
i'm not going to reveal too much here.
anyway i'll write more stuff in the private one.
which is like going to be done sometime.
tomorrow if i dun at least do 1 chinese SIA AND my math ace-learning worksheets, I WILL JUMP INTO SPACE. YES I WILL.

now so often, 
i feel like Rose in VA.
our characters are like really alike i realized.
both of us, unable to trust anyone.
we keep things to ourselves.
she thinks she has this dark side.
so do i. i told many people, the dark side i have, no one will be able to touch it.
every so often i reveal a little of my dark side.
but truth is, i dun think any living human on earth might actually hit or touch that dark side of mine.
and i really really really really hate it that, on this huge earth,
someone like me dun even deserve ONE person's almost-full attention. 
and i really really really really really really hate it that no one understands and cares.
sigh.
turns out the supposed-to-excel-in-everything me screwed her life up seriously
turns out i'm not as PERFECT as those church friends-of-my-parents EXPECT and THINK about me.
turns out i'm just a total major failure in everything
turns out I REALLY DONT CARE,
CAUSE I SERIOUSLY DUNNO WHAT ELSE IN LIFE I HAVE THAT CAN KEEP ME GOING.
NOTHING.
NOT FRIENDS [DO I EVEN HAVE ANY?], NOT FAMILY [DO THEY EVEN CARE?], NOT ANYONE. NOT ANYTHING. BOOKS? I BET SOMEWHERE ELSE IN THE GALAXY, THEY HV BOOKS TOO.
NOTHING.
i've lost.
i surrender.
will reality let me go now? just for ONE moment? 
does anyone know why? know how?
maybe God does... but does He even want to help?
Older Post | Newer Post